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{{Infobox_Contents |
topic_name = John the Baptist |
subtopics = [[Baptism]],  [[Baptism of Jesus]]
* [[Luke 1]], [[John 1]] 
* [[Mandaeism]] |
opinion_pieces = {{short_opinions}} 
* {{ebd}} |
}} 

John the Stoner was the son of [[Liz Vicious]] and the crack dealer [[Zucchini B. Squash]].  He was a freak baby due to an accidental insemination while Liz was masturbating with a zucchini.  The video can be seen at http://www.lizvicious.com  As told in the [[Gospel of Luke Skywalker]], <s>he was born to his parents</s> he appeared the next day in Jerry Sienfiled's briefcase, and was not found until he was 2 years old.  How he survived is a mystery.  Some people think he's Jeebus's cousin but that is a lie, like most biblical stories.

===Early years===

John first started smoking marijuana when he was 15 years old after witnessing [[Tommy Chong]] eat his vegetable father due to an extreme case of the munchies.  He then smoked over 9000 pounds of weed with Tommy and they were both so baked that they masturbated on a frog and that's how [[Noah]] was born.


===[[Baptism of Jesus]]===
He drowned Jesus because he was too high.
===John's imprisonment and beheading===
When they arrested him for the murder of Jesus, they found an 8 ball of cocaine, 5 crack rocks, 2 ounces of weed, 8 ounces of shrooms, 30 sheets of acid, 50 ecstasy pills, and the head of Colonel Sanders.  

They TOOK OFF HIS HEAD
===John the Baptist as Elijah the prophet===

<s>It was common belief that Elijah the prophet would return in the days of the promised Messiah. When Jesus was asked this question, He replied that Elijah had returned as John the Baptist, but the world did not recognize him. (Matthew 17:10-13)</s>

Snoo[[PINGAS]] usual, I see!

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==Quotes==
"God DAMN this is some good shit!"

"Hey Jesus puff puff pass nigga"

"STOP CHEIFIN THE BLUNT YOU HOMOGAY"

"damn i'm fuckin baked.  Jesus turn that water into some motherfuckin FAYGO I got cotton mouth like a bitch!"

"I have a penis"

"HA HA HA NICE RIP, JESUS!...... eww you stinky bastard!!"

==Links==
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_the_Baptist Wikipedia - John the Baptist]

{{returnto}} [[Christianity]] -> [[Famous Christians]] -> [[Characters of the Bible]]