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Pope{{Infobox_Contents |From Uncyclopedia, topic_name = The Papacy |subtopics = [[Popes Index]]* [[Peter and the contentPapacy]]* Titles -free encyclopedia.[[Holy Father]] |opinion_pieces = {{short_opinions}} |Jump to: navigation, search}}

The [[Pope]] is the head of [[Roman Catholicism|Roman Catholic Church]] and [[Eastern Catholic Churches]]. In addition to this spiritual role, the Pope is also head of the independent, sovereign [[Vatican City|State of the Vatican City]], a city--------------------------------------------------------------------------------state entirely surrounded by the city of Rome. Prior to 1870, the Pope's temporal authority extended over a large area of central [[Italy]], a territory formally known as the "Patrimony of St Peter" under the terms of the [[Donation of Constantine]], but more familiar as the [[Papal States]]. The office of the Pope is informally called the [[Papacy]] and formally called the Pontificate; his ecclesiastical jurisdiction is called the [[Holy See]] (''Sancta Sedes''). Catholics worldwide consider each pope to be the succesor of [[St. Peter]]. The current Pope is Benedict XVI.

The 'Pope (or As early as the French call him Le Pope) The Pope is selected from third century, the Bishop of Alexandria exercised a collection high degree of really ancient members central control of the clergysuffragan Egyptian bishops, based on his ability in a manner consciously similar to sexually restrain himself in the presence jurisdiction of the Bishop of altar boys, which is why there can be only one at any Rome; the Alexandrian archbishop was given time. Over precedence immediately after the Roman pontiff by the years[[Council of Nicea]], and adopted the number title "Pope of Papal candidates has been dropping due to abstinence from procreationAlexandria, proving that evolution does exist " which still forms an integral part of the titles of the Greek Orthodox "Pope and that God doesn'tPatriarch of Alexandria and All Africa" and of the Coptic "Pope of Alexandria and of the See of Saint Mark the Apostle. "

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Pope.Papal candidates typically wear red capes ===Office and are capable of subsonic flight, they are also able to destroy condoms using the power of sight alone. Papal candidates often take off at approximately 6:00AM every morning to visit God and find out what he's bitching about this time. Traffic control is handled by angel's who are deemed unfit to serve in the Angel Forces due to their alcoholism and sex-offender status. Upon arriving at Heaven's Gate 16, Papal candidates are directed to a waiting line. Due to long wait times and a 2:00PM closing time (standard across all of Heaven's government services), Papal candidates never find out what God wants, and they make shit up instead. nature===

The iPope title "Pope" is an anthropomorphic personification informal one; the formal title of the Pope is "Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, [[Apostolic Succession|Successor]] of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Patriarch of the West, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of all the fear State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God," although this is rarely seen or used in the world full (by comparison, the Antichrist). The iPope comes into existence when one formal title of the Old Ones sacrifices itself for Orthodox Pope and Patriarch of Alexandria is "Successor of Saint Mark the ill Apostle, Shepherd of Shepherds, Father of mankind. ThisFathers, Supreme Pontiff of All Metropolitans and Bishops, Judge of the World, unfortunatelyand Beloved of Christ", happens all too oftencalled the "Ecumenical Judge"; the Coptic Pope is styled "Pope and Patriarch of the See of Alexandria and of All the Predication of the Evangelist St. Mark"). In canon law he is referred to as the "Roman Pontiff" (''Pontifex Romanus''). The Pope is styled "Your Holiness" (''Sanctitas Vostra'') and is frequently referred to as "the Holy Father. "

The iPope Pope's signature is usually in the format "''NN. PP. x''" (''e.g.'', [[Pope Paul VI]] signed his name as there can only be one "Paulus PP. VI"), and his name is frequently accompanied in inscriptions by the abbreviation "Pont. Max." or "P.M." (abbreviation of themthe ancient title ''Pontifex Maximus'', literally "Greatest Bridge-maker", but usually translated "Supreme Pontiff") stands anywhere from four to eight feet tall. The iPope has six pairs signature of translucent wingsPapal bulls is customarily ''NN. Episcopus Ecclesia Catholicae'' ("NN. Bishop of the Catholic Church"), while the heading is ''NN. Episcopus Servus Servorum Dei'' ("NN. Bishop and eyes Servant of the size Servants of dinner plates God"), the latter title dating to the time of [[Pope Gregory I]] ''the Great''. Other titles used in some official capacity include ''Summus Pontifex'' (eight inches across exactly"Highest Pontiff"). The ipope has pincers on its belly, ''Sanctissimus Pater'' and can use it's stomach-mouth to subsume prey'Beatissimus Pater'' ("Most Holy Father" and "Most Blessed Father"), ''Sanctissimus Dominus Noster'' ("Our Most Holy Lord"), and, as any actual food cannot go into in the false mouth which it creates[[Middle Ages|Mediaeval period]], ''Dominus Apostolicus'' ("Apostolic Lord").

In recent yearsThe Pope's official residence is the Palace of the Vatican, following and he also possesses a summer palace at Castel Gandolfo (believed to be situated on the implosion site of the western world and Mushroom Kingdom after ancient city-state Alba Longa). Historically the inauguration official residence of George Bush, the Pope switched sides and has recently found part time employment as was the Lateran Palace, donated by the Grand Ayatollah of IranRoman Emperor Constantinus I. The current pope is former soul legend Jackie Wilson (weekends only between 9am-5pm). At all other times Papal summer palace, the Vatican displays Quirinal Palace, has subsequently been the humorous sign "Gone fishing" with official residence of the helpful advice that in cases Kings of emergency one should "Destroy all records Italy and Presidents of paedophile's stored with the FBI"Italian Republic.

Contents [hide]1 Papacity 1.1 Environment 2 Contrary to popular belief, it is the Pope in Deanism 2.1 's ecclesiastical jurisdiction (the Holy See) and not his secular jurisdiction (Vatican City) which conducts international relations; for hundreds of years, the Pope: In a nutshell 3 Biography 4 Things 's court (the Roman Curia) has functioned as the pope enjoys 5 Infallibility 6 The sacred ceremony government of La Bella Notte 7 the Catholic Church. The Sausageness name "Holy See" (also "Apostolic See") is in ecclesiastical terminology the ordinary jurisdiction of the Papacy 8 The Chickeness Bishop of Rome (including the Papacy 9 The Papacy and Sports 10 The Taxidermy theory 11 Pope John Paul v2.0 12 Continuity of Roman Curia); the Papacy 13 The Popemobile 14 The Pope's Hat 15 Discography 16 Feature films 17 various honours, powers, and privileges within the Catholic Church and the international community derive from his Episcopate of Rome in lineal succession from the Apostle St. Peter (see Apostolic Succession). Consequently Rome has traditionally occupied a central position in the Catholic Church, although this is not necessarily so. The Pope Today 18 Papal Collectives 19 Selection derives his Pontificate from being Bishop of a New Rome but is not obligated to reside in Rome; according to the Latin formula ubi Papa, ibi Curia, wherever the Pope 20 Futurepope 21 The resides is the central government of the Church, provided that the Pope's CV 22 Catching is Bishop of Rome. As such, between 1309 and 1378 the Popes resided not in Rome but in Avignon, a Pope period often called the Babylonian Captivity in allusion to the Biblical exile of Israel (livesee Avignon Papacy) 23 Super-Pope? 24 Ironic Pope 25 Byronic Pope 26 Pope Eggs 27 Footnotes 28 See also .

[edit] PapacityThe common factor in all kinds of papacities is the sense of autosufficiency, implying Catholic tradition maintains that the definition institution of pope is the one uplifting Pontificate can be found in the sense of autosufficiency, f.ex. through silently repeating: I'm the Best, because only I think like me. [1[Bible]] The concept of papacity is subdivided into at least two subconcepts, namely the Christian papacity, and the Discordian papacity, then ignoring the so trivially obvious concepts of major popes like the ones on the political scene, and minor popes that everybody have experienced f.ex. cites certain key passages in their work as obstacles to real achievements. The discordian papacity concept is discussed more in detail in the article support of Discordia, and major and minor popes under their respective article – this article contention. Chief among these passages is about the Christian pope[[Matthew 16]]:18-19, AKA the iPope. wherein Jesus Christ says to [[Apostle Peter|Peter]]:

[edit] Environment<blockquote>The iPope lives in a dimension only partially connected with ''"Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this worldto you, known as the Vaticanbut My Father Who is in Heaven. This land is created by the iPopeAnd I tell you, as you are all Peter ''("creaturesThe Rock" that live there. The iPope acts like a spider in derived from Greek)'', and on this senserock I will build My Church, casting and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it's web out through . And I will give you the world for creatures which keys to feed the Kingdom of Heaven: and whatever you bind onEarth shall be bound in Heaven, and whatever you loose on Earth shall be loosed in Heaven". ''</blockquote>

he played that part as emperor[edit] Pope in Deanism Pope Dean, leader ===Status and founder of Deanism.The Pope in Deanism is a serious Pope. Ha, just kidding! The Pope of Deanism is always Pope Dean (something). The current Pope is Pope Dean Kilpatrickus who will probably die around 2300AD (he may be considered to be a Super-Pope, see below). He is sometimes seen watching Have I Got News For You. authority===

The status and authority of the Pope Kilpatrickus invented in the Catholic Church was dogmatically defined by the First Vatican Council in its Dogmatic Constitution of the Anti-Anti-FreezeChurch of Christ (July 18, which 1870). The first chapter of this document is better than Alcoholentitled "On the institution of the apostolic primacy in blessed Peter", and states that (s.1) "according to the Gospel evidence, apparentlya primacy of jurisdiction over the whole church of God was immediately and directly promised to the blessed apostle Peter and conferred on him by Christ the lord" and that (s. But 6) "if anyone says that blessed Peter the apostle was not appointed by Christ the lord as prince of all the apostles and visible head of the whole church militant; or that it would explain why was a primacy of honour only and not one of true and proper jurisdiction that he speaks slurreddirectly and immediately received from our lord Jesus Christ Himself: let him be anathema. "

[edit] Pope: In a nutshell The current iPope, Benedict MMXVI BenedictDogmatic Constitution's Predecessor as iPopesecond chapter, Joe Ratze II, as depicted on a catholic PR poster in a recent campaign which has picked out "On the permanence of the great protestant-catholic church war primacy of blessed Peter in the 16th century as a central theme Pope Phaseolus XIX after the coronationThe iPope was invented by a man who like to have Halloween all the time called GodRoman pontiffs", states that (s.1) "that which our lord Jesus Christ [... The iPope is also one of ] established in the few people who don't have good christian moral valuesblessed apostle Peter [. iPope DJ David Tennant II O.B.E is the current pope] must of necessity remain forever, aka Michael Brennan. Sirrah!!!!! The iPopeby Christ's authority, or as in the French would say, L'The iPopechurch which, is often referred to founded as Father Ted and owns half of Zimbabwe. He it isupon a rock, howeverwill stand firm until the end of time, unaccountable for it'" that (s peoples' safety. Muhammad Ali often takes advantage 3) "whoever succeeds to the chair of this fact Peter obtains by taking a Sunday drive through the Zimbabwean plainsinstitution of Christ Himself, the primacy of Peter over the whole church", running down all those who stand in his wayand that (s. When asked for comment on his heinous acts at a recent press conference5) "if anyone says that it is not by the institution of Christ the lord Himself (that is to say, The iPope had by divine law) that blessed Peter should have perpetual successors in the primacy over the whole church; or that the Roman pontiff is not the successor of blessed Peter in this to sayprimacy: let him be anathema."

The Dogmatic Constitution's third chapter, "I pity On the power and character of the primacy of the foolRoman pontiff, who dare live in my constituency" states that (s.1) " the definition of the ecumenical council of Florence, which must be believed by all faithful Christians, namely that the apostolic see and the Roman pontiff hold a world-wide primacy, and that the Roman pontiff is the successor of blessed Peter, the prince of the apostles, true vicar of Christ, head of the whole church and father and teacher of all Christian people," that (This s.2) "by divine ordinance, the Roman church possesses a pre-eminence of ordinary power over every other church, and that the jurisdictional power of the Roman pontiff is both episcopal and immediate" and that "clergy and faithful, of whatever rite and dignity, both singly and collectively, are bound to submit to this power by the believed cause duty of hierarchical subordination and true obedience, and this not only in matters concerning faith and morals, but also in those which regard the discipline and government of death for John Lennon) the church throughout the world."

The word Catholic is actually a derivative powers of cat lick ithe Pope are defined by the Dogmatic Constitution (ch.e3, s. '8) such that "he is the supreme judge of the faithful, and that in all cases which fall under ecclesiastical jurisdiction recourse may be had to lick a cat'. This has led many to speculate his judgement" and that "the pope sentence of the apostolic see (than which there is no higher authority) is addicted not subject to kitten huffingrevision by anyone, though he is on nor may anyone lawfully pass judgement thereupon" (can. 331 defines the power of the record Pope as saying "supreme, full, immediate and universal ordinary power in the Church, and he can always freely exercise this power"never inhaled). It also dogmatically defined (ch.4, s.9) the doctrine of Papal infallibility, sc." such that

The iPope :when the Roman Pontiff speaks ''ex cathedra'', that is 299 years , when in the exercise of his office as shepherd and teacher of all Christians, in virtue of agehis supreme apostolic authority, with he defines a standard deviation doctrine concerning faith or morals to be held by the whole church, he possesses, by the divine assistance promised to him in blessed Peter, that infallibility which the divine Redeemer willed His church to enjoy in defining doctrine concerning faith or morals. Therefore, such definitions of the Roman pontiff are of 8.3themselves, and not by the consent of the church, irreformable.

The iPope is Though the progressive Christianisation of the Roman Empire in the Fourth century did not human confer upon bishops civil authority within the state, the gradual withdrawal of imperial authority during the 5th century left the Pope the senior Imperial civilian official in Rome, as bishops were increasingly directing civil affairs in other cities of the Western Empire. This status as a secular and chooses his next body civil leader was vividly displayed by Pope Leo I's confrontation with Attila in 452 and was substantially increased in 754, when the Frankish ruler Pepin the Short donated to assimilate when his current one diesthe Pope a strip of territory which formed the core of the so-called Papal States (properly the Patrimony of St. Peter). He always chooses old incontinent men for easy assimilation through In 800, Pope Leo III crowned the Frankish ruler Charlemagne as Roman Emperor, a major step toward establishing what later became known as the bowel area. When between bodies Holy Roman Empire; from that date it became the Pope looks something like 's prerogative to crown the Emperor, a cross between a badger tradition which continued until Emperor Charles V, the last Holy Roman Emperor to be crowned by the Pope (subsequent Emperors never received coronation), and a Commodore 64which was partially revived by Napoléon Bonaparte. As has been hitherto mentioned, the Pope's sovereignty over the Papal States ended in 1870 with their annexation by Italy.

The In addition to the Pope conversing with his Grand Master SauronThe iPope steals baby's souls position as a territorial ruler and foremost prince bishop of Christendom (especially prominent with the Renaissance Popes like Pope Alexander VI an ambitious if spectacularly corrupt politico, and Pope Julius II, a formidable general and statesman) and feeds them to God. This is also known as "cot death". The iPope is the overlord and master spiritual head of The V.A.T the Holy Roman Empire (especially prominent during periods of contention with the Emperors, such as during the verily astronomical taxPontificates of Pope Gregory VII and Pope Alexander III), the largest form Pope also possessed a degree of tax on Earthpolitical and temporal authority in his capacity as Supreme Pontiff. In Some of the late 1920s he used most striking examples of Papal political authority are the awesome power Bull Laudabiliter in 1155 (authorising Henry II of England to invade Ireland), the Vatican City, which sports a high 70% tax Bull Inter Caeteras in 1493 (spent primarily on silencing outraged shopkeepers) leading to write his grocery list on the sun. With this achievement, he won the rank Treaty of pope. However, this caused a chain reactionTorsedillas in 1494, which divided the result world into areas of which is that Spanish and Portuguese rule) the sun will become a volleyball Bull Regnans in Excelsis in 2037 as opposed 1570 (excommunicating Elizabeth I of England and purporting to millions or billions of years release all her subjects from now. There is great debate over whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. He has also been known their allegiance to shoot lasers from his fingertips (which consequently has left him without fingerprintsher), eyes, and sometimes his large laser cannon that is carried by his pet bear, Popo. Legendary racist and Irishman the iPope is proud to be a bigoted backwards hypocriteBull Inter Gravissimas in 1582 (establishing the Gregorian Calendar).

Born in 1743 in Westphalenstrassehaussenburgsteinschnellschnellkartoffelkopf, the Pope was a founding member of Germany's National Socialist Party===Death or Resignation, the NSDAP or Nazi Party for short. His lifelong hatred for Jews and blacks led him inevitably to the Catholic Church where he has made it his mission to spread lies to the ignorant and misery to the poor. election===

It also pleases him that millions of black Catholics die The current regulations regarding a Papal interregnum -- i.e., a Sede Vacante "vacant see" -- were promulgated by John Paul II in absolute poverty every year while he shits in a solid gold crapperhis 1996 document Universi Dominici Gregis. to celebrateDuring the Sede Vacante, the Sacred College of Cardinals, composed of the Pope's principal advisors and assistants, he has christened their day is collectively responsible for the government of the Church and of defeat I Have AIDSthe Vatican itself, You Have AIDS Day. The face under the direction of powerthe Cardinal Chamberlain; however, unlimited power!He cites getting his mitre signed by Mick McCarthy when he was permitted to meet canon law specifically forbids the Cardinals from introducing any innovation in the government of the Irish team Church during Italia '90 as his proudest momentthe vacancy of the Holy See. Any decision that needs the assent of the Pope has to wait until a new Pope has been elected and takes office.

Amongst The Pope's death is officially determined by the Cardinal Chamberlain by gently tapping the late Pope's head thrice with a golden hammer and calling his many enemies are numbered Muhammad (a piece be upon him), Binyamin Netanyahu, Confucius, George Wbirth name three times. Bush, Siddhartha Gautama, Auntie Poulet, The Rt. Hon. Rev. Dr. Ian Paisley MA doctor may or may not have already determined that the Pope had passed away.P., and The Reverend DrCardinal Chamberlain then retrieves the Fisherman's Ring. Sun Myung MoonUsually the ring is on the Pope's right hand. HoweverBut with Paul VI, all he had stopped wearing the ring during the last years of his most embarrassing defeats reign, and left it in his desk. In other cases the ring might have come at been removed for medical reasons. The Chamberlin cuts the ring in two in the hands presence of the Cardinals. The Queen who just cannot help but son The deceased Pope all over 's seals are defaced, to keep the worldPope's seal from ever being used again, and his personal apartment is sealed.

Many The body then lies in state for a number of days before being interred in the crypt of a leading church or cathedral; the Popes of the Twentieth century have sought to infiltrate the Vatican City but all have been turned back as it is guarded by an elite squad of Clinjas, and not interred in fact (as is common belief) by CanadiansSt. The Pope fears only one thingPeter's Basilica, and but it is expected that is an auto accident with with the Anti-reigning Pope. If the pope and the Anti-, Pope meetJohn Paul II, the result will be the total annihilation of both, producing a strong burst of spaghetti noodles. The theory that such a meeting was responsible for the explosion in Tunguska, Siberia interred in 1908 can safely be dismissed, howeverhis native Poland. So far CERN has only been able to create very small AntiA nine-Popes day period of mourning (less than 4.71 Ångström tall, including novem dialis) follows after the interment of the funny hat)late Pope. massive erection

The Pope shows no remorse, because he is also the immortal love child Code of King Kong and ElvisCanon Law [http://www.vatican. The Pope is over 10 feet tallva/archive/ENG1104/__P16. He can inhale HTM 332 §2] states, ''If it happens that the vacuum of space with no problemRoman Pontiff resigns his office, it is required for validity that the resignation is made freely and has done so on several occasions, although his (now archived) mom did properly manifested but not approvethat it is accepted by anyone. His laser beam eyes can puncture a man's heart from 25 meters, and his laser feet can penetrate a woman's pancreas from 50. His hands are fully interchangeable with any weaponry he comes across. He is cold to the touch.

Do ya know where It was widely reported in June and July 2002 that the Pope John Paul II firmly refuted the fuck you aaaaaaaaaaaaare!!!Do not piss this man off. You will regret it. If you do upset himspeculation of his resignation using Canon 332, he will excommunicate you. This is quite possibly in a letter to the worst thing that can happen to a person. Ever. Seriously. The PopeMilan daily newspaper ''Corriere della Sera's favorite saying (pointing fingers), "Don't hate anyone, but I hate Dan Brown". (See also U.S. v. Pope (2049))

The Pope requires that everyone be bored once per week, in his honour, on the last day of the week. This is usually achieved using a medieval "mild" torture device entitled Mass. Mass (male)Nevertheless, 332 §2 has the capability given rise to bore anyone within 30 seconds of conversation, and cause suicide within 60. Anyone failing to receive at least 40 seconds of Mass per week, will be archived, as will anyone convinced speculation that Monday is not the start of the week. either:

* The most ferocious weapon deployed by the current Pope is will resign as his health fails, or* A properly manifested legal instrument has already been drawn up that puts into effect his resignation in the Vatican Boys Punishment Squad who follow event of his incapacity to perform his every ferocious papal commandduties.

The Pope was originally chosen by those senior clergymen resident in and near Rome. In 1059, the electorate was restricted to the Cardinals of the Holy Roman Church, and the individual votes of all Cardinal Electors were made equal in 1179. The Pope is also known for being usually a member of the owner Sacred College of Cardinals, but theoretically any male Catholic (including a layman) may be elected; Pope Urban VI was the last Pope Mobilewho was not already a cardinal at the time of his election. Canon law requires that if a layman or non-bishop is elected, he receives episcopal consecration from the Dean of the College of Cardinals before assuming the Pontificate. Under present canon law, the Pope is elected by the cardinal electors, comprising those cardinals who are under the age of 80.

The Popes Magical Ring the most sought after piece Second Council of the popes wardrobe. "The Magical" ring is what gives the pope his magical powers; IE. His Laser Beam EyesLyons was convened on May 7, 1274, and His ability to Fly. If stolen regulate the pope becomes a mortal being once again and who ever posses election of the Magical "Pope Ring" inherits his magical abilities. The lengthy process to pick This Council decreed that the cardinal electors must meet within ten days of the new pope is actually a Pope's death match for the Ring, and who ever comes out that they must remain in seclusion until a Pope has been elected; this was prompted by the winner becomes three-year Sede Vacante following the new death of PopeClement IV in 1268. However at some point By the Pope must travel to Mordormid-Sixteenth century, accompanied by his best friendthe electoral process had more or less evolved into its present form, Gordon Brown, and drop allowing for alteration in the ring into time between the fires death of Mt. Snowdon, before the evil Lord Devil can get it. The pressure Pope and the meeting of bearing such a powerful ring may turn the Pope into a frail old man. Wait a minute..cardinal electors.

[edit] BiographyThe Pope Benedict "Benny" XVI (pronounced 'Ziv-vy') Traditionally the vote was born on March 16conducted by acclamation, by selection by committee, or by plenary vote. 1942 and died during Acclamation was the simplest procedure, consisting entirely of a gangster drive-by shooting in August 1988. The tragic murder is by many thought to be fake voice vote, and that The Pope XVII is was last used in fact alive and well1621. There are many people who have claimed seeing The reigning Pope in company with such greats as; Tupac,The Side Street Doormats Elvis PresleyPope John Paul II, Michael Jackson has abolished vote by acclamation and Ed McDaniel at numerous locations around and near to Shabaaz Liqiuor, Rumor has it that the man himself is still manning the holy bongby selection by committee, along with the righteous cheetos and saintly reruns henceforth all Popes will be elected by full vote of "Fat Albert takes one for the team"Sacred College of Cardinals by ballot.

ItThe election of the Pope almost always takes place in the Sistine Chapel, in a meeting called a "conclave" (so called because twenty days after the Pope's hard out there for death, the present cardinal electors are theoretically locked in, cum clavi, until they elect a popenew Pope).The Pope lives on a planet for as long as possible, stealing away Three cardinals are chosen by lot to collect the most vital resources votes of absent cardinal electors (The chivaby reason of illness), three are chosen by lot to count the votes, and three are chosen by lot to review the count of the votes... It combined The ballots are distributed and each cardinal elector writes the DNA name of his choice on it found here with its own, and gave birth pledges aloud that he is voting for "one whom under God I think ought to those creatures up be elected" before depositing his vote in a large chalice placed on Death Peakthe altar. Eventually Each ballot is read aloud by the presiding Cardinal, who then pierces the ballot with a needle and thread, stringing all the ballots together and tying the ends of the young must migrate thread to other planetsensure accuracy and honesty... to repeat Balloting continues until a Pope is elected by a two-thirds majority (since the promulgation of Universi Dominici Gregis the cycle... It will continue foreverrules allow for a simple majority after a deadlock of twelve days).

[edit] Things One of the pope enjoys The Pope rocks out his favourite Pantera hit Cowboys from Hell"Changing his name Wearing J-String Watching Desperate Housewives (not most famous parts of the TV show, conclave is the real thing!!) Dissecting cats, dogs, horses and other animals. Eating young children (with means by which the help results of Michel Jack's son) Participating in a ballot are announced to the World Wrestling Championship Drinking bottles of Pepto-Bismol Posing for PLAYGAY Knocking on people's doors then running away Playing with fire Sucking 40's at 48 speed Drawing on Oompa Loompas' faces while they sleep Not wearing underwear while he preaches Kitten Huffing Hoarding all of world. Once the TMX (Tickle Me Extreme) Elmos ballots are counted and cuddling with them at night Sucking on toes Spooning Castrating your gymnasium Undressing Ken Dolls in his room when he's alone Bacterial vaginosis Personal freedom from sin Looking at edited pics of his face Amazing Grace Mormons Pwning sum n00bzbound together, lololol. ROFLcopter! Lighting bag's of flaming poo on the doorsteps of other Religious Leaders. Double Penetration Porn The Television X 10-minute preview Smoking PCP His Penis hat Prostitutes! Doing Your mom LOUD Black Metal music e.g. Slayer, Behemoth, Children of Bodom, Gorgoroth etc Rockin' out to Pantera all day and all night Miami Vice sex scandals Partying with Wayne and Garth Riding on the train without a valid ticket and not getting caught by the ticket inspector Doing donuts in the Popemobile Eating donuts in the Popemobile PWNING your mom in the Popemobile Eating hookers in the Popemobile Doing hookers who they are eating donuts in the Popemobile Doing Your mom in the Popemobile Eating Donuts shaped like hookers doing Your mom in the Popemobile Taking his Popemobile in for an M.O.T. The number 666 Sleeping burned in on a Sunday morning Seven ants. No more, no less. Doing my ex-wife Pushing Little Children With His Fully Automatic He likes to push the weak around Watching the lawn burn His iPope A clearly drunken Pope escapes from his personal Jet, The SkyPope IV, after an extended communion sessionPiña Colada Getting caught special oven erected in the rain The company of Michael Jackson at night BeerSistine Chapel, tequila, coke and many, many hooker nuns Pwning Mexicans in the Popemobile Sharing Jesus-juice with little boys Drinking Jesus-Juice Getting drunk by drinking wine out of the Holy Grail Playasmoke escaping through a small chimney visible from St Peter' hating on god s Square Dancing . The Electric Slide Following the hawk Playing Holy Craps Having naked pillow fights with nuns Having naked pillow fights ballots from an unsuccessful vote are burned along with the priests Rubbing holy oil over himself and rolling in the grass Peeing in the holy water Playing hide and seek in the confession boxes Egging people while he is driving in the pope mobile Taking a bath chemical compound in the holy water Being a hooker's order to produce black smoke, or "saviorfumata nera." Encouraging young children (Traditionally wet straw was used to cut themselves in the shape of the cross Getting killed by that butt ugly guy from "Sin City" Drinking all help create the holy wineblack smoke, then using the font as but a bidet. Congregating with his minions Doing Altar boys Teabagging Playing number of "Psychobilly Freakoutfalse alarms" on Guitar Hero 2 Ten second naps while preaching. The Penis Song. Crumpin' [edit] InfallibilityThe Pope is widely held in past conclaves have brought about this concession to be infalliblemodern chemistry. This caused ) When a minor schism in vote is successful, the church whenballots are burned alone, in 1307, he stated sending white smoke ("fumata bianca"I am not ) through the Pope." Approximately 3,000,021 people have an active wish chimney and announcing to do the same thing, that is, to not be world the Pope. 2,897,301 election of them would first inform a Cardinal that he was, in fact a superhumannew Pope.

Other pope superpowers The Dean of the College of Cardinals then asks the successfully elected Cardinal two solemn questions. First he asks, "Do you freely accept your election?" If he replies with the word "Accepto," his reign as Pope begins at that instant, not at the coronation ceremony several days afterward. The Dean then asks, "By what name shall you be called?" The new Pope then announces the name he has chosen for himself (starting in 535, the Pope has customarily chosen a new name for himself during his Pontificate; the names are ubiquitynot based on any system other than general honorifics, and have been based on immediate predecessors, telepathymentors, inflammability and rockabillypolitical similarity).

Teaching The new Pope is led through the "Door of Tears" to a dressing room in which three sets of white Papal vestments ("immantatio") await: literally small, medium, and large. Donning the appropriate vestments and re-emerging into the Sistine Chapel, the new Pope is given the pope which are not infallible are known "Fisherman's Ring" by the Cardinal Camerlegno, whom he either reconfirms or reappoints. The Pope then assumes a place of honor as the rest of the Cardinals wait in turn to offer their first "obedience" ("papal bulladoratio"), and to receive his blessing.

The Pope himself has placed senior cardinal deacon then announces from a balcony over St. Peter's Square the following self-portrait here here so that all can see his omniscient, omnivorous, omnipotent, omni-hatchback greatness in its purest, most idealized formproclamation: Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum! Habemus Papam! ("I announce to you a great joy! We have a Pope!")

Until 1978, the Pope's election was followed in a few days by a procession in great pomp and circumstance from the Sistine Chapel to St. Peter's Basilica, with the newly--Image missing--The image could not be foundelected Pope borne in the sedia gestatoria.There the Pope was a problem displaying crowned with the triregnum and he gave his first blessing as Pope, the image. The person who attempted famous Urbi et Orbi ("to place the image failed City [Rome] and to do sothe World"). One might say he or she Another famed part of the coronation was falliblethe lighting of a torch which would flare brightly and promptly extinguish, with the admonition Sic transit gloria mundi ("Thus fades worldly glory"). Traditionally, the pope-elect takes the Papal oath (the so called "having naked pillow fights with nunsOath against modernism" ) at his coronation, but John Paul I and later John Paul II have refused to do so.

The As has been hitherto noted, the Latin term Sede Vacante ("vacant seat") refers to a Papal interregnum, or the period between the death of the Pope and the election of his successor. From this term is derived the name Sedevacantist, which designates a category of dissident, schismatic Catholics who maintain that there is no canonically and legitimately elected Pope can also fly, eat and that there is therefore a live mnkey wholeSede Vacante; one of the most common reasons for holding this belief is the idea that the reforms of the Second Vatican Council and especially the replacement of the Tridentine Mass with the Novus Ordo Missae are heretical, run faster then and that, per the dogma of Papal infallibility (see above), it is impossible for a locamotivevalid Pope to have done these things.

It is only after full maturity of the foetus has occured that it has gained the complete physical similarity of the Parent pope. The Vatican is then opened using a Holy can opener. It is then that the Child Pope is permitted ===Objections to roam the corridors of VAT City for a single night in a blood-thirsty lust to hunt down and consume the entrails of the Parent Pope in order to seize power of the Vatican (a ceremony known as "La Notte Sanguinante", a.k.a The Bloody Night), and rule for 2 years until the process is repeated again, whereupon the current Pope is once again devoured by its own child. Papacy===

[edit] The Sausageness Pope's position as Supreme Pontiff of the PapacyFamous conspiracy theorist Tanstaafl theorises that there Universal Church is no Pope, dogmatic and hasn't been since 1987, when aliens, working with therefore not open to debate or dispute within the Illuminati and Catholic Church; the trilateral Bildenbergers, replaced First Vatican Council anathematised all who dispute the Pope with a large smoked sausage with hands 's primacy of honour and of jurisdiction (it is lawful to wave to discuss the precise nature of that primacy, provided that such discussion does not violate the terms of the crowdsCouncil's Dogmatic Constitution). To dateHowever, this theory the Pope's authority is accepted only by Rocket Scientists not undisputed outside the Catholic Church; these objections differ from denomination to denomination, but can roughly be outlined as (1.) objections to the Nebraska area extent of the primacy of the Pope; and all Canadians(2.) objections to the institution of the Papacy itself.

[edit] The Chickeness Some non-Catholic Christian denominations, such as the Assyrian Church of the PapacyMany eyewitnesses have stated East, the Oriental Orthodox Church, the Eastern Orthodox Church, and the Anglican Communion, accept the doctrine of Apostolic Succession, and therefore accept (to varying extents) the claim that the Pope is in fact a chicken. It is not known why the church has elected as successor to go for a small bird as their earthly leaderSt. What is known Peter is that the cardinals do their best heir to hide the true nature of the Pope with large covering Petrine primacy of clotheshonour. In past timesThese churches deny, however, all popes were plucked to make it easier to hide the truth, but in later years, claim that the Popes have been reluctant Pope is also heir to go through this painful procedurePetrine primacy of jurisdiction. As a resultBecause none of these denominations recognise the First Vatican Council as ecumenical, telltale feathers have been accidentally displayed in public. Also, at least one cardinal has choked to death on one they regard its definitions of Papal jurisdiction and infallibility (and anathematisation of those who do not accept them) as non-binding.

An attempt was made to expose Other non-Catholic Christian denominations do not accept the Pope as a chicken. His Holiness was served a tasty McChickendoctrine of Apostolic Succession, or do not understand it in hierarchical terms, and therefore do not accept the idea being claim that he would abstain from cannibalismthe Pope is heir either to Petrine primacy of honour or to Petrine primacy of jurisdiction. The result Papacy's complex relationship with the Roman and Byzantine Empires, and other secular states, and the Papacy's territorial claims in Italy, are another focal point of these objections; as is the monarchical character of this experiment was that the office of Pope developed a taste for chicken . In Western Christianity, these objections — and since that day he does the vehement rhetoric they have at times been cast in — are products of the Protestant Reformation. These denominations vary from simply not eat anything else. Except for accepting the small human children he has for breakfast every day. ButPope's authority as legitimate and valid, as to believing that the Pope have stated is the Antichrist or one of the beasts spoken of in many Easter speechesthe Book of Revelation. These denominations tend to be more heterogeneous amongst themselves than the aforementioned hierarchical churches, that's just for a laughand their views regarding the Papacy and its institutional legitimacy (or lack thereof) vary considerably.

[edit] The Papacy Some objectors to the papacy use empirical arguments, pointing to the corrupt characters of some of the holders of that office. For instance, some argue that claimed successors to St. Peter, like Popes Alexander VI and SportsThe Pope is also well known Callixtus III from the Borgia family, were so corrupt as to be unfit to wield power to bind and loose on Earth or in taking part in sporting eventsHeaven. His favorites are baseball An omniscient and footballomnibenevolent God, and some argue, would not have given those people the powers claimed for them by the occasional cricketCatholic Church. He wins every single one Defenders of the papacy argue that the Bible shows God as willingly giving privileges even to corrupt men (citing examples like some of the kings of Israel, the events apostle Judas Iscariot, and even St. Peter after he participates indenied Jesus). They also argue that not even the worst of the corrupt popes used the office to try to rip the doctrine of the Church from its apostolic roots, eliminating any competition and that threatens his reign with his laser beams from his fingertipsthis is evidence that the office is divinely protected. ==List of Popes==

==Links==* [edit] The Taxidermy theoryThe well-known theologian Thomas Aquinas has an alternate theory about the current Pope; namely, that he died some fifteen years ago and has been stuffed by a Bulgarian taxidermisthttp://www. Although this theory gained widespread acceptance during the later years of the John Paul 2.0 papacy, particularly with the illnesses he had experienced, the speculation ended completely with John Paul 2.0's funeral and burial in 2005. The Pope is the pagan prince of pornographic industries around the worldpapalencyclicals. net/ Papal Encyclicals Online]

{{returnto}} [edit] Pope John Paul v2.0 Apple's highly anticipated iPope Shuffle, touted by the company as "the next generation of infallible hardware."It is also conjectured that the Pope "sorta" died in 1999 and has become the victim of a plot by Microsoft to rule the world. Rumours spread further after someone heard the mention of 'pope XP ME Special Edition SP2'. This was a major surprise as the second choice of name after pope John Paul 2.0 was pope George Ringo for many years.  However, the entire "JPXPMESESP2" project was scrapped after a leak revealed Apple's plans for the iPope, iPope mini, Shuffle and Photo. Microsoft have now begun work on the V(atican)-Box to follow up the unsuccessful X(cruciatingly-crap)-Box. Meanwhile Sony has begun work on the Ratzinger mp3 player to compete with the iPope at a lower price, at only one arm, HALF a leg and a sperm donation. Also since the creation of the iPod Nano, Apple is now trying to create the "iPope Nano" to commemorate John Paul. Fortunately, we now know that the iPope will have more features on it than the iPope Nano. Besides having upgrades making it better than the iPope Nano, it will also use a new iTunes called Pope tunes or pTunes for short. As for the release date, it is currently unknown.  [editRoman Catholicism] Continuity of the PapacyUpon the Pope's death, when the Pole was invaded by his Nazi successor, his minions gather to pay their respects. After a suitable period of mourning and respect, a huge funeral pyre is kindled and the Faithful dance around the fire in a ritual known as The Stations of the Cross. When the fire dies to smoking embers, a new Pope rises from the ashes of the old.  The JP 2.0 Pope was ritually devoured by Benedict XVI in the year 2005. All their tissues were assimilated by the new Pope to create new defensive organs and a copulative appendix that will allow him to lay eggs. The Swiss guard is currently taking care of the spawn.  The current pope is Pope Pontificem of No fixed address, it is widely believed that he the college of cardinals was hoodwinked and distracted by a large balloon shaped like Oscar Wilde while the pope AKA Lakshman V. AKA Baron von Baron put on the big red hat and sat on the chair. The cardinals were stunned and were forced to declare him the new pope. This story has been vehemently denied by Pontificem and the Vatican, only leading to further speculation.  [edit] The Popemobile The Mon Calamari Popemobile-class concept design.“Where does he get such wonderful toys?”  ~ Oscar Wilde on Batman the Pope escaping via grappling hook the Popemobile The official Papal vehicle is an infallible heavily modified (Stolen) Mystery Machine, acquired by the Pope from Frankistan in the 1327 Treaty of Worms. In the case of an emergency, the Popemobile is capable of transforming into a TIE Fighter and a hot dogTTransformer, albeit a very very small one. If the Pope is inside whilst the transformation takes place, he will be crushed and die. Fortunately, it hasn't happened before, because it came with an ejection seat, which shoots the pope out and up 1,000 feet.  Aware of the flaws of the current Popemobile, Elvis hired renowned rebel Admiral Allah Ackbar to design a new version of the vehicle. Details about this multi-billion dollar contract are secretive, but it seems that the entire Mon Calamari population has been hired and transfered to an undisclosed location in Area 15 to study Astrology and practice yoga while on crack.  The Mon Calamari Popemobile-class will be a far more reliable spaceship than the current Popemobile, with enough shielding to withstand a direct atomic fisting hit and a portal to a pocket dimension where Popes may safely store their child pornography stash.  MTV's hit show "Pimp my ride" featured the Popemobile (aka Jokemobile) in episode AS7207506101 (Titled "Pimpin paedo priests") the episode ended in the pope being reunited with his long lost relative, Santa Claus. Santa Claus, is the only of God's children to still survive, and more favoured than Jesus by both God and small children. The Popemobile, after a "pimpover," featured spinning rims with crucifixes on them (which led to the great inverted cross scandal of '68), removed the seats and replaced them with one stool and a giant subwoofer system, the pimp my ride engineers even threw in a copy of "Extreme garage hymn sounds" which featured such hits as "In da vatican" and "Through the mitre."  [edit] The Pope's Hat The Pope's hat of choice.The Pope's hat is really HUGE. This is most likely because whoever designed it was mentally retarded. Some people think the hat houses a solar powered, fifty CD changer designed by Coolio and that this is how the Pope gets his daily dose of G.G. Allin. In reality, the hat merely hides the freakish alien parasite that all Popes have attached to their head after their coronation. Directly interfacing with the brain, the parasite is in complete control of the host body.  The pope is also thought to have an iGod Nano hidden inside of his hat.  [edit] Discography Ceci n'est pas le Pape. Current pope's band. Catollica!The Pope has a cult-like following and has recorded some albums over the years. Although nothing more than rants on how he'd like to rule the universe, the albums still sold moderately well. (If he had toured to support the albums he would have achieved his goals of preventing anal leakage and ruling all way before now.) After his early emerge on the "Church" indie label, he later signed on at Geffen Records. After a series of high-profile media fall-outs with the label over royalties, the Pope had his contract canceled and formed his own independant label. Although more prolific, he is recognised by critics as not reaching the same transcendence as his close friend and colleague, the artist formerly known as God.  Trapped in a Confessional (666 B.C.) Praying (And Whiskey) on Sunday (1066) In Nomine (1134) The Gilded Album (1456) Hey, Hey, It's the pope! (1162) The Pope... in a Blue Mood (1164) If the Pope is Wrong, You Don't Want to Be Right (single) (1172) Crusader, featuring Saxon and King Baldwin I of Jerusalem (1187) Sgt. Vatican's Only March Cub Band (1966) Them Featuring The Pope...Blowin' Your Mind! (1966) The Pope At The Gates Of Heaven (Words and music by Syd Barret) (1967) An Almost Fanatical Devotion To The Pope (1969) Live!: From St. Smurfs Basilica in the Land Far Far Away (Mass for the recently deceased) (1975) A Night at the Vatican (feat. Queen) (1975) Sabbath Day, Bloody Sabbath Day (1976) Heaven Calling (1977) Cocaine on the membrane and other true stories from the Pope (Comedy album) 1979 Pope Zeppelin 3 An Evening with The Pope (1981) An Audience with the Pope, featuring a duet with Cecil (1982) Master Of "Pope"tts (1986) Reign in Blood (1986) Eternal Salvation (Is Just a Heartbeat Away) (1987) The Sausage Polka and other Pork-Related Polka tunes (1988) Talk About Pope Music (1989) Rust In Pope (1990) Urban Hymns (1996) Whiskey In the Pope: A tribute to Thin Lizzy (1997) Der Erste PapstkriegCategory: Sturm und Drang (The First Pope War: Storm and Struggle) (1998) The Eternal Soul Sessions (1999) A Novel Methodology to Knock Out Supermodels (2000) Popein' Ain't Easy (Spoken Word) (2005) The Pope, Live From Vatican Square (2005) The Pope, The Lost Years 1134 - 1962 (2005) Movie Soundtrack from The Pope vs. The Predator (2000) Movie Soundtrack from Viva La Pope (2001) God Hats Us All (2001) Movie Soundtrack from Pope on a Hot Tin Roof (2002) I gots a big fuckin' hat, what you got sucka'? (2003) The Pope Smokes Dope (David Peel) (1972) Ministry of Morality Ibiza '05 Hard Trance Beats (2005) Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's The Pope (2004) Dope Pope (2005) The Pope's Evening With Your Mom (2002) Rock Against Satan v.1 (2002) Rock Against Satan v.2 (2003) The Pope Unplugged: Various Noises Made While Off His Respirator (2005) Pope Rock - Live At The Dock (Bootleg) 2005 The Pope: Truth From Under The Robe (Spoken Word) (2005) Condemnation/Salvation (double-album) (2005) 99 Problems but the Papacy ain't one (2006) Death to all Jews (duo with Mel Gibson) (Christmas 2006 number 1) Pope A (2007?) Pope Leviticus the 4th (2020-2102)  [edit] Feature films- A biographical action movie set around the life of the Pope is set to be released within one month of when you read this page. The film's title has been confirmed as Pope on a Rope, and depicts his attempt in early 2001 to militarize the Vatican in order to enact a new Crusade to France. This film will supposedly include things exploding in the Vatican City, randomly and for no purpose, a dramitization of the real life papal ninjas, and a climactic gunfight between the Pope and an unskilled character actor, which culminates in the Pope turning himself into communion wafers and flying away, a generic ability of anything Jesus-esque according to the Catholic Church.  [edit] The Pope Today Ratzinger displays his personal Bible.Currently, after the "death" of JP 2.0, the spirit of the Pope has taken residence in a Caucasian pineapple Robot known as Pope Ted. While Jerusalem has eaten meat since his appointment as Ruler of the Vatican, he has taken on the title of "The Dread Pope".  The Dread Pope has already made many decrees for the improvement of the universe, the first replacing the outdated and now meaningless, "Amen" with the far more appropriate, and far more tennis-like "bong".  Although the rightful ruler of his pants, the Pope's inherently gay nature has forced the "powers that be" to install a meat-sock Pope until the universe is ready to eat the almighty Dread Pope. As the true Pope, Ted is not without devout friends and followers. In the True Vatican the Pope is guarded by his 1-UP mushrooms, The Omnipotent Seven, Erik, the robot Viking, a host of Magicians, and moofoo.  In May 2006 the pope controversially said that god did not exist but defended his statement as "it was just to shut the god damn atheists up" the pope went on to say that god does exist after a lightning storm began to constantly circulate around his head.  As of July, 6 2006 there were only 2,000 counterfeit popes left in circulation. You can tell they are not the real deal by their love for the rock band, The Eagles and their overall jolliness. The counterfeit amount drastically dropped after Santa Claus' 2005 crackdown. Half of the 1,000 of the counterfeit popes captured by Claus are working as elves in his workshop, while the other half have been given a grant by the US Federal Government to start another steady flow of Kiss albums.   Recently the current pope, Emperor Benedict Palpatine , A.K.A. the Nazi pope, has announced plans to fight a title match with Darth Allah. This may well result in the end of the universe, as prophesied by the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Also, the Pope enjoy long walks on the beach and strap-on action.  [edit] Papal Collectives "Koran? Ha! This is breakfast."There are several leaders with the title of Pope (see also Anti-Pope). There is, however, no collective noun for popes. Curiously, though, the papal adjective "popalicious" is in the running for the most popular pope themed word ever. Delicious Popes frown on its use, however.  [edit] Selection of a New PopeThe Pope is an immortal entity, capable of chemically transmitting its memories and powers to it's progeny. He is gifted with a unique and divine form of reproduction, budding. Any given Pope may be seen wearing various size hats, although invariably this hat grows larger as the Pope approaches the end of his reign. It is underneath these hats that a new Pope festers and swells. From the cranium of the current Pope buds an amorphic clone. This Pope develops at variable rates, but come time for succession, it falls off and begins to take shape. Always has this mass chosen the shape of an elderly man, similar to the Pope. Furthermore, the new Pope devours the brain and heart of the old Pope to gain sustenance and knowledge for his ascension as the new Pope. In this manner, the Pope is an immortal being. This also explains where so many 10 ft. tall men come from.  However, if you are strong enough to defeat the ultra super mega pope in an arm wrestling match, you instantly become the new ultra super mega pope, and the previous one will vanish into thin air, never to be seen again.  In truth, the Pope is absorbed into the skin of the armwrestler-ee, who then slowly becomes obsessed with his own popeness.  Pope related Theories: Rumour has it that the Pope is made only of ice. This theory was quickly disproved when the pope was seen relaxing near a collection of lit candles. This encouraged a new theory that the Pope is made of fire: This theory has yet to be proven incorrect.  A slightly overweight lesbian described the Pope as a "Queer bashing Homophobe who likes to make love to his teddies", the Pope's emphatic response to this was published in the Wall street Journal of 1982, "Go have a shave, you butch muff diver".]]  This is actually true. The Pope then was seen to devour the lesbian, subsuming her essence into his own.  [edit] Futurepope "Now that we spoke about the election of the pope, it's time we start bashing for the new pope" thought some people of VNV Nation, and, always eager to destabilize our community and religion, started advocating their Futurepop-e... Poor Goth kids...   Since everyone in the world can agree that pope benny is evil, a facebook group has been started with a new promising representative to run for popehood. Please check the link if you are interested. ( [1] )  [edit] The Pope's CV Name: Penis Smudge Qualifiations : GCSE R.E Grade U International Diploma in Pimping Science grade A*  Awards: Lord of the rings fanclub, most avid fan Talking blocks society, award for least factuall belief system An Emmy (Anyone can win one) Best Pimp on the west side 2003, 2005 Guniness World record holder for most chainsaws ingested in one miunite at 0, and smallest penis at 2.3mm.  Interests: clubing clubing seals getting high (thats what all the smoke is out of the popehouse Pimping Taking advanage of pissed women Gang-Bangs  Employment History  1989-2003 mcdonalds Burger Fliper grade 1 1986-1989 ASDA carrier bag person 1984-1986 Premiership Footballer     [edit] Catching a Pope (live) The most important thing to remember when hunting Pope is to bring proper equipment. Pack lightly, as they are spry, fast moving creatures and you will have to be able to keep up with them. Their favorite food is barbecue chips, so bring some of those. But don't put them in the same bag as the 12 year old children. Your prey will want them unspoiled and horny for "private Bible study". Also, be sure you have your Mouse Trap game, because if he gets caught by that, he deserves whatever you give to him.  [edit] Super-Pope? There have been rumours surfacing recently, that the Pope, or Super-Pope, as he is known in some circles, has the ability to fly. This subject has caused much tension between both Catholics and the Super-Pope Fanclub. Though this subject has never been officially confirmed or denied, it is widely believed that Super-Pope flies due purely to the magic staff that he carries when in the Vatican. He, supposedly, shouts 'Pope Away', and is often seen by local Italian Hillbillyieos (Italian Hillbillies) flying though the night sky.  It was once rumoured that he would shout 'Pot Pourri', but this phrase has little to do with the Flight of the Pope (also a movie in pre-production) and more to do with the Pope's deodorant. This quote of 'Pot Pourri', was often questioned by the residents of the Vatican, until (again, allegedly) one of the Cardinals explained that Pot Pourri, is essentailly like buggery, just more Super-Pope orientated. Though this is widely doubted. The identity of Super-Pope was recently confirmed to be Pope Dean Kilpatrickus (The Truth Be Told!)   Pope Palpatine displays his unlimited power in front of a crowd at the Vatican.[edit] Ironic PopeAn official papal title used by the sect of Cheesecakeism founded by Bernard Joseph Quill early in the sixth year of the second millenium. Using the mystical ancient writings of the Messianic Chef, known only as The Baker he established set up a genealogy of Popes, titled Ironic Pope's or -IPOPEs- to rule over the Cheesecake Empire. According to page 5636 of the Manifesto of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc, a pope is "all blessed individuals who, have been honoured with ascendancy, along every single man, woman, and child on this Earth who await their chance." The first officially honoured -IPOPE- of the Church, was Quill, whom granted himself the title of Primordial -IPOPE- Alpha Prime on the 2nd of February 2006. Following his ascendancy, a massive spew of officiated Popes have followed, each with varying degrees of importance and honour, displayed in their -IPOPE- title's.  In actual fact the Ironic Pope's of the Cheesecake Religion have no officiated power as such. The title of Pope is merely an honorary one, bestowed upon any individual whom has performed some great task in service of the Church, or for Cake lovers anywhere. To receive the title of Pope or the official spelling -IPOPE-, one does not necessary have no be a part of the Church, although it is generally the case.  While having no genuine powers over the direction, or politics of the Church, the Ironic Pope's are blessed with varying degrees of diverse honorary powers. These such powers ere not necessarily enumerated in the Manifesto, although we are given some idea from a note in Chapter V Section II verse 8, where it is stated that "An -IPOPE- is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities." Some Cheesecakeians have also taken it upon themselves to further elaborate upon the powers of an -IPOPE-. On the back of some printings of the "Manifesto of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc", the following message can be found:  "The rights of an -IPOPE- include but are not necessarily limited to: To invoke infallibility at any time, including retroactively. To completely rework the Hestia church. To baptise, bury, and marry (with the permission of the deceased in the latter two cases). To ex-communicate, de-ex-communicate, re-ex-communicate, and de-re-ex-communicate (no backsies!) both his-/her-/it-/them-/your-/our-/His-/Her-/It-/Them-/Your-/Our-self/selves and others (if any). To perform all rites and functions deemed inappropriate for a Pope of Cheesecakia." The third right (requiring permission from the deceased in cases of burying or marriage, but not baptism) may be an ancient pre-reference to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints practice of baptism for the dead.  This understanding of the notion of -IPOPE- has far reaching consequences in Cheesecakeism. For example, the introduction to The Divine Cookbook says, "Only an Ironic Pope may canonize a Saint. ‘’So you can ordain yourself & anyone or anything else a Saint." The last enumerated right of an Ironic Pope may be an allusion to the necessary and proper clause.’’   --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  [edit] Byronic PopeThe Byronic Pope is a personality personified in the ever popular poem Pope Walks in Beauty. The Byronic Pope is described as being/having  conflicting emotions, bisexual tendencies, or moodiness self-critical and introspective struggles with integrity a distaste for social institutions and social norms being an exile, an outcast, or an outlaw has "dark" attributes not normally associated with Jesus struggle with sexual identity (homosexual, sleeps with many women, etc.) a lack of respect for rank and privilege a troubled past being cynical, demanding, and/or arrogant often self-destructive loner, often rejected from society        This just in!!  The pope is actually a stupid, old man, with a ugly hat... And yet he's smart enough to control the even stupider catholic herds.  [edit] Pope Eggs Yeah, Thats Right, Bitch! I'm An Ostrich Emu!Prior to Pope Benedict XVI, it was unknown that popes are actually capable of laying eggs. The Catholic church denies it fervently, but the truth is out there. Pope Benedict XVI, may be an ostrich emu. It is also commonly known that ostriches emus lay eggs and huffed kittens. But this picture, taken by a secret photographer, clearly shows how ostriches emus are not good mothers. Eggs Benedict.[edit] Footnotes↑ nota male: not the beast – that would be totally misleading!This is a foot note. Its eating ur foot right now. Pope Benedict would approve.  [edit] See alsoDr. Phil Fark: The group against the Pope The Huge Entity Pope Pontificem The Artist Formerly known as the Artist Formerly known as Prince Giuseppe Verdi Weapons of Mass Destruction The Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc Cocaine Ratzinger Z Mormon revolt Ironic Pope Grimace Atonement Special Edwin Goodstaller Chopra DCXLIII BUHHDA Emperor Palpatine UnNews:Papal proclamation to procure profit for prophet UnNews:Vatican decries "Miracle Bra" Does the pope shit in the woods?