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{{Infobox_Contents | topic_name =Trinity | subtopics =A snarky summary of [[God the Bible=Father]], [[Jesus]], [[Holy Spirit]] | opinion_pieces ={{short_opinions}} * [[Trinity (carm)]] * {{ebd}} |}}

''The Bible'' Trinity is the most popular fantasy novel ever writtenunique teaching of Christianity about the three-yet-one nature of God. The first main character It is a stuttering, orphaned, Jewish murderer named Moses, who was raised by the Egyptian royalty. He leads a resistance and eventually escapes Egypt with his people, and then wanders around the desert for a whileone of teachings that makes Christianity unique among other religions, and after he dies his people go on although impossible to create Israel without him. He told people that he followed a god that was their god nowfully comprehend, and they had to follow him or else. This god was so special because Moses said he created the Earth some two thousand years before, over a seven day period. Then his god put people on doctrine can be summarised by the earth, starting with a guyfollowing:* There is one and only one God* The one God eternally exists in three distinct persons* The Father is God, then eventually giving him a wife. They [[Fun:Original sin|ate a fruitJesus]] when Moses' god told them not to, so he decided they should suffer the Son is God, and die by being kicked out of the paradise he made for them. Since there was no more paradise, this made carnivorous animals start to eat other animals, all because of us.<ref> Now godless [[Paleontology|paleontologistsHoly Spirit]] imagine they've found evidence of carnivorous animals eating other animals before humans existed. That shows how ignorant and evil paleontologists are. They contradict the Bible. Wait a moment. The Bible's fantasy fiction. So paleontologists aren't evil after all. is God

Vegetarians are so ashamed The word "Trinity" is not found in the [[Bible]]. It was first used in writing by [[Theophilus of this, that they stopped eating other animalsAntioch]] around 180 A.</ref> The only people worth talking about at this point were inbred from this first coupleD. Later, an alcoholic named Noah built as a boat because Moses' god told him to. Then that god told him to collect two each way of expressing the billions triune (three-yet-one) nature of species on Earth. Once all the species were collected, one God that god then drowned everything and everyone else because they pissed him off. Then Noah and his wife got down to another round of inbreeding, and all modern humans are inbred cousins through them. Within a few more thousand years all is revealed in the different races of humanity had divergedBible, and all which does use the plantswords Father, animalsSon, and insects, etc. had repopulated the earth, bringing us back to the main plot line. A bunch of crappy stuff happens to the Jews, until a new main character is introducedHoly Spirit.

==='''Scriptural References To The new character is called [[Fun:Jesus|Jesus]], whose mother was a virgin, and who is supposed to be his own dad (no, really!). He came along and told people that they should believe in him, because he was the only way into this awesome new paradise in Heaven, where animals donTrinity't eat each other any more.<ref>Vegetarians rejoice!</ref> He proved all this, and that he wasn't faking, by doing magic tricks for any people who would stop and listen to him. Then some hateful Jews came along and got him killed, because they thought his teachings were hate-speech, and had to be destroyed. Then he goes on to an underworld full of pain and suffering. However, a few days later he crawled back out, and this now-zombie Jesus rolled away a rock and scared two poor innocent women, then joined the poor saps he had tricked, and had them poke fingers in him, and told spooky stories about the afterlife. He reiterated that everyone had to believe in him or they wouldn't make it to the happy afterlife. After this, Jesus crawls up to heaven, and his poor saps are left on Earth without him, just waiting for a new main character to lead the way.===

===Previous snarky summary===Perhaps the most popular fantasy novel ever written. Wait a moment -- Moslems think A number of passages in the [[KoranBible]] is better! Anyway, the main character, Jesus (a zombie who was his own father) was born of a virgin. He came to tell mankind that they should believe in him or he will punish them for eternity in hell ( a dark hot place underground). To prove that he is not just faking he did magic tricks for the people who would listen to his speeches. He told people that the earth was create 8 thousand years ago, over a seven day period. He put two people Adam and Eve on earth. They ate an apple when he told them not to, so he decided they should suffer and die by being kicked out of paradise. All of mankind is their inbred descendants. Later an alcoholic named Moses built a boat because God told him to. God then told him to collect two of the billions of species on earth in just a few days. Once all the species were collected, God drowned everything, and everyone else because they pissed him off. Then Moses and his wife got down refer directly to the inbreeding. Within a few more thousand years all the different races of humanity had diverged, and all the plants animalsFather, insects etc. had repopulated the earth. Then some filthy Jews escaped Egypt Son and wondered around the desert for a while before making Israel. Jesus was born the filthy Jews killed him, he went to hell and laughed at all the people that were sent there came back to life as zombie, and told everyone spooky stories about hell. Then he went to heaven a (happy place up in the sky) the endHoly Spirit.

* [[Matthew 28:19]] - {{Bible verse|Matthew|28|19|lang=WEB}} * [[Luke 1:35]] - {{Bible verse|Luke|1|35|lang=References WEB}} A number of verses also show that Jesus was God. * [[John 1:1]] and notes[[John 1:14]] - {{Bible verse|John|1|1|lang=WEB}} {{Bible verse|John|1|14|lang=WEB}}* [[John 5:21]] - {{Bible verse|John|5|21|lang=WEB}}* [[John 8]]:23-24 - {{Bible verse|John|8|23|lang=WEB}} {{Bible verse|John|8|24|lang=WEB}}* [[John 8:58]] - {{Bible verse|John|8|58|lang=WEB}} ''([[Jesus]] is speaking in reference to when [[God]] told [[Moses]] to tell the Hebrews "I am has sent you" in [[Exodus 3:14]])* [[John 10:30]] - {{Bible verse|John|10|30|lang=WEB}}* [[John 10:38]] - {{Bible verse|John|10|38|lang=WEB}}* [[1 John 5:20]] - {{Bible verse|1 John|5|20|lang=WEB}}* [[Titus 2:13]] - {{Bible verse|titus|2|13|lang=WEB}}* [[Colossians 2:9]] - {{Bible verse|colossians|2|9|lang=WEB}}* [[Philippians 2]]:5-6 - {{Bible verse|philippians|2|5|lang=WEB}} {{Bible verse|philippians|2|6|lang=WEB}}  ===Etymology=== The word trinity is derived from the [[Latin]] ''tri-unitas'' which literal means "three unity". ===Difficulties in Understanding=== Throughout the history of the church objections have been raised to the teaching of the Trinity, but the doctrine has stood as a central feature of orthodox Christianity despite this. The following folk story illustrates the difficulties in understanding the Trinity.: ''It has been said that when the church father [[Augustine of Hippo|Augustine]] wrote a treatise about the Trinity he encountered a little boy walking along the seaside. The boy appeared to be scooping water from the sea in a little basin at the beach and Augustine asked him what he was doing. The boy answered: "I want to sccop the sea in my pond," to whicch Augustine responded: "You will never succeed." But the boy replied: "I'm doing the same thing as you: You want to understand the mystery of the triune God with your human mind."'' The teaching of the Trinity was clearly articulated in the [[Nicene Creed]] of [[325 AD]].  Historically many religions have been critical of the doctrine of the Trinity. The [[Quran]] has numerous quotations questioning and denying the Trinity and it is an issue that many Muslims exploring Christianity find to be barrier. Recently numerous off-shoot religions related to Christianity have formed that deny the Trinity. These includes religions such as the [[Jehovah's Witnesses]].  {{stub}} ==Quotes== '''[[Justin Martyr]]''': "We will prove that we worship him reasonably; for we have learned that he is the Son of the true God himself, that he holds a second place, and the Spirit of prophecy a third. For this they accuse us of madness, saying that we attribute to a crucified man a place second to the unchangeable and eternal God, the Creator of all things; but they are ignorant of the mystery which lies therein" ([[First Apology]] 13:5–6 [A.D. 151]). ==Links==* [http://trinities.org/blog trinities] A blog by a Christian philosophy professor devoted to recent and past theories about the Trinity*[http://orthodoxwiki.org/Holy_Trinity Holy Trinity] by OrthodoxWiki*[http://www.contenderministries.org/biblestudy/trinity.php A Comprensive Defense of the Trinity]* [http://www.catholic.com/library/Trinity.asp Early Church Fathers on the Holy Trinity]* [http://www.mtio.com/articles/bissar107.htm One God in Three Persons], by Dr. Bill Weinrich<references* [http://www.aomin.org/trinitydef.html A Brief Definition of the Trinity], by James White* [http://www.ucg.org/booklets/WG/ Who Is God?]* [http://biggergod.com/trinity.html Understanding The Trinity], by Matt Perman* [http://www.theologicalstudies.org.uk/god_trinity.html The Doctrine of the Trinity]* [http://www.jude3.net/trinitylinkindex.htm Articles On The Trinity]* [http://homepage.mac.com/byfarthersteps/Trinity.html An Unpublished Essay on the Trinity], by [[Jonathan Edwards]]* [http://web.archive.org/web/20031229035144/www.modernreformation.org/mr99/septoct/mr9905threeinone.html The Splendor of the Three-in-One God: The Necessity and Mystery of the Trinity], by R.S. Clark* [http://www.gospelpedlar.com/trinity.html The Bible's Teaching About The Trinity], by James Montgomery Boice* [http://www.alliancenet.org/partner/Article_Display_Page/0,,PTID307086|CHID581342|CIID1654148,00.html God in Three Persons], Blessed Trinity, by Michael Horton* [http://www.tmch.net/theo4.htm The Being of God, The Character of God, The Trinity], by Paul D. Adams* [http://reformedperspectives.org/newfiles/joh_frame/TH.Frame.Trinitarian_Analogies.html Trinitarian Analogies], by [[John Frame]]* [http://home.earthlink.net/~calltoreformation/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/revivedtotrinitarianism.pdf Revived to Trinitarianism: The Need for Evangelicals to Believe In and Live On God] (PDF), by Jim Hamilton* [http://www.heaven.net.nz/writings/trinity.htm The Trinity Doctrine] Heaven Net {{returnto}} [[Christianity]] ->[[God]]