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{{Infobox_Contents |topic_name =Books of the Bible |subtopics =A snarky summary [[Books of the BibleIndex]]* [[Old Testament]], [[New Testament]]* [[Apocrypha]] |opinion_pieces =={{short_opinions}} * [[Luther's view on the canon of scripture (J.S.)]] |}} {{bible}}

''The Bible'' is the most popular fantasy novel ever written. The first main character composed of 66 books and is a stuttering, orphaned, Jewish murderer named Moses, who was raised by the Egyptian royalty. He leads a resistance and eventually escapes Egypt with his people, and then wanders around the desert for a while, and after he dies his people go on to create Israel without him. He told people that he followed a god that was their god now, and they had to follow him or else. This god was so special because Moses said he created the Earth some divided up into two thousand years before, over a seven day period. Then his god put people on main sections - the earth, starting with a guy, then eventually giving him a wife. They [[Fun:Original sin|ate a fruitOld Testament]] when Moses' god told them not to, so he decided they should suffer and die by being kicked out of the paradise he made for them[[New Testament]]. Since In Catholicism and Orthodox Christianity there was no more paradise, this made carnivorous animals start to eat other animals, all because of us.<ref> Now godless are some additional books collectively known as the [[Paleontology|paleontologistsApocrypha]] imagine they've found evidence , that are not considered to be part of carnivorous animals eating other animals before humans existed. That shows how ignorant and evil paleontologists are. They contradict the Bible. Wait a moment. The Bible's fantasy fiction. So paleontologists aren't evil after allin Protestantism.

The new character is called [[Fun:Jesus|Jesus]], whose mother was a virgin, Old Testament tells the story of the creation of the universe and God's intervention in early history and who is supposed to be his own dad (no, really!)guidance of the people of Israel. He came along and told people There are three main sections that they should believe in him, because he was make up the Old Testament - The Books of the only way into this awesome new paradise in Heaven, where animals don't eat each other any more.<ref>Vegetarians rejoice!</ref> He proved all thisLaw, History and that he wasn't fakingPoetry, by doing magic tricks for any people who would stop and listen to him. Then some hateful Jews came along and got him killed, because they thought his teachings were hate-speech, and had to be destroyed. Then he goes on to an underworld full the Books of pain and sufferingthe Prophets. However, The Old Testament is a few days later he crawled back out, and this now-zombie Jesus rolled away a rock and scared two poor innocent women, then joined Christian term for the original Hebrew Bible which is known as the Tanak (which is an acronym for what the poor saps he had trickedOT contains Law, and had them poke fingers in himProphets, and told spooky stories about Writings). The Old Testament sets the afterlife. He reiterated that everyone had to believe stage for what happens in him or they wouldn't make the New Testament it to provides the happy afterlife. After thisrules, Jesus crawls up to heaventhe nature of God, and his poor saps the promise of GOD which are left on Earth without him, just waiting for a new main character to lead fulfilled further in the wayNew Testament.

===Previous snarky summary===Perhaps the most popular fantasy novel ever written. Wait a moment -- Moslems think the [[KoranBooks of the Law]] is better! Anyway, the main character, Jesus (a zombie who was his own father) was born of a virgin. He came to tell mankind that they should believe in him or he will punish them for eternity in hell ( a dark hot place underground). To prove that he is not just faking he did magic tricks for the people who would listen to his speeches. He told people that the earth was create 8 thousand years ago, over a seven day period. He put two people Adam and Eve on earth. They ate an apple when he told them not to, so he decided they should suffer and die by being kicked out of paradise. All of mankind is their inbred descendants. Later an alcoholic named Moses built a boat because God told him to. God then told him to collect two of the billions of species on earth in just a few days. Once all the species were collected, God drowned everything, and everyone else because they pissed him off. Then Moses and his wife got down to the inbreeding. Within a few more thousand years all the different races of humanity had diverged, and all the plants animals, insects etc. had repopulated the earth. Then some filthy Jews escaped Egypt and wondered around the desert for a while before making Israel. Jesus was born the filthy Jews killed him, he went to hell and laughed at all the people that were sent there came back to life as zombie, and told everyone spooky stories about hell. Then he went to heaven a (happy place up in the sky) the end.====

The first 5 books of the Bible [[Genesis]], [[Exodus]], [[Leviticus]], [[Numbers]], [[Deuteronomy]]. These five books tell us of [[Creation]], [[the Fall]], the emergence of the children of [[Israel]] and the legal codes that God gave them.  Three law codes that are relevant to Christians are the [[Ten Commandments]], Shema (Love the LORD your God with all your heart), and Love thy neighbour. ====Prophets==== The Prophets take up a large body of space. They range from the [[Book of Isaiah]] and the [[Book of Jeremiah]] who are classified as the major prophets to [[Book of Hosea|Hosea]], [[Book of Joel|Joel]], and [[Book of Jonah|Jonah]] who are minor prophets. Prophets were divinely appointed spokesman for God. The [[Hebrew]] word for prophet 'nabi' means spokesman. They preached about the corruption of Israel, God's judgement and His future restoration. One vital cornerstone that has bearing for us would be the coming of the [[Messiah]]. This is mentioned in [[Isaiah 53]] in the major prophets and last chapters of Zechariah in the minor. ====History and poetry==== Writings range from the historical such as [[Book of Joshua|Joshua]], the Samuels, Chronicles, or Kings to poetry such as [[Song of Solomon]], or [[Psalms]] and wisdom such as [[Book of Job|Job]], [[Ecclesiastes]], and [[Proverbs]]. They describe the nature of God such as [[Psalm 23]], the wisdom of God and man's reaction such as in [[Job]], or the History of Israel and God's involvement such as establishing [[King David]] and his legacy which led to [[Jesus Christ]] his most famous descendant of all.  ===[[New Testament]]=== The New Testament tells the story of Jesus, his ministry and death and resurrection, and the formation of the early church. It contains a number of letters that circulated in the early church. It is sub-divided into a number of categories including the [[Gospels]], [[Epistles]], history and prophecy.  ====Gospel==== [[Gospel]] is the Old English word god-spiel (good speak) the original [[Greek]] word was [[Evangel]]. Gospel means Good News. The Good News was that [[Jesus]] had arrived and was the Messiah that would fulfill the Old Testament, as Jesus himself declared of his death and resurrection, "As written in the Law, Prophets, and Psalms." There are Four Gospels - [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]], [[Gospel of Mark|Mark]], [[Gospel of Luke|Luke]], and [[Gospel of John|John]]. Mark is the oldest Gospel and the most barebones of all the Gospels, he wrote in AD 60 and served as a secretary for Peter. After Peter's death he wrote the first account of Jesus' life and times. Matthew was written towards a Jewish audience, he constantly emphasised how Jesus fulfilled the prophecies laid out in the Old Testament and was therefore the Messiah. Luke is the only non-Jewish author in the Bible. He wrote for a [[Gentile]] audience. Luke tended to use historical context of his day such as the Census and who was in charge in [[Rome]] and [[Palestine]] during Jesus' day to back up his claims that Jesus was the Saviour. Because Matthew, Mark, and Luke contain similar stories and sayings they are known as the [[Synoptic Gospels]] (Gk for to-be-seen-together). John is slightly different. It contains Jesus' I AM statements in which [[Jesus]] testifies that He is the Saviour. These four books tell the story of Jesus and show why He came to Earth. To die on the Cross and to rise again so that our sins were taken away and we would be made right with GOD. ==References ==[[Epistles]]==== Epistles are letters to Christian communities. The major letter writers in the Early Church were Paul, Peter, James, John, and Jude. Peter and Paul were the major missionaries in their day and they wrote letters to the communities they preached to. Paul wrote towards Gentile communities such as Corinth, Ephesus, and Rome. He would talk about Jesus Christ, how Christians should act, and advise them on certain issues such as eating meat, dealing with others, and how to behave in worship. Peter and James also wrote likewise. ====History==== This is seen in the [[Book of Acts]]. Acts was written by Luke and it tells of the persecutions, the work of Peter and Paul, and provides us with a great historical context of Mediterannean culture in the 1st century. It too shows God's hand in the founding of the Early Church with the Holy Spirit coming down upon the 12 disciples and notesgives us our mission that all peoples must hear the Gospel. ====Prophecy====<referencesProphecy is a thread constant in the Gospels and the Epistles, but it also has it's own separate book in the form of [[Book of Revelation|Revelation]]. Revelation gives us a symbolic understanding of the Last Days with vivid descriptions of the End Times. It is advised that one read this book carefully and with [[prayer]]. The main message in Revelation is that [[Jesus|Jesus Christ]] is coming back for us and that is what we must look forward to.  ===Fomration of the Bible /Biblical Canon=== {{stub}} ==Quotes== ==Links==  {{returnto}} [[Christianity]] ->[[Bible]]