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{{H1|[[Image:Boobs.gif|30px]] '''Methods of Worship. Go learn.Ecclesiology'''}}means the study of the doctrine of the church.
===Press Hard===The Greek word ekklesia ([[Image:Ww2.jpg|thumb|right|90px|'''''Position 02'''''Εκκλησια]]{{q|When a little nudge goes a long way, you know you have got it.|FDR|[[Leadership]]}}This requires the arms to slide close together in the fron part of the body () is translated as demonstrated in the picture), cutting the gap between them while hanging limp by the side of the body from 25% to 55%. Putting the hands "church" in an angular position, between 15° to 25°, is optional. In this manner of worship push-up bras are encouraged, especially when a dress is worn. Best results are achieved with an extremely low-neck top, ideally a bikini tri-top. Many worshippers reinforce the effect by wearing semi-transparent apparel. Some also make use of he air conditioner or ice-cubes applied at regular intervals. Saint [[Angelina Jolie|Jolie]], Saint [[Halle Berry|Berry]] and Saint [[Tyra Banks|Banks]] are among the famous pratitioners of this methodEnglish.
===Drop Off===This word ekklesia was used in ancient [[Image:Ddl01.jpg|thumb|leftKoine Greek|160px|'''''Position 03'''''Greek]]{{q|Drop whatever is there, and reach for itto mean "gathering" or "assembly" in a political sense.|Timothy Leary|Bliss}}This is In the simplest, but least followed method. This requires a dropping ancient Greek translation of strapsthe Old Testament, one or boththe [[LXX]], about 15 inches or more the word ekklesia occurs over 200 times (usually as demonstrated in a translation from the pictureHebrew word qahal), and leaving them at it for at least 5 minutes. It must always be accompanied by a silly grin and vapid eyes. It can be practiced in any posture - standing erect or bent, lying down or sitting. Generally it is followed by a frantic re-placement most commonly to refer to the assembly of the straps, by self or an assistantcovenant people of God. Best results are achieved on stage, on camera or on In the [[Howard SternNew Testament]] Show. Saint the word ekklesia occurs in the [[Janet Jackson|Janetgospels]], Saint only twice ([[Tara Reid|ReidMatthew 16:16]], and Saint [[Paris Hilton (personMatthew 18:20]])|Hilton, but it occurs many times elsewhere in the [[New Testament]] are famous this method.
===Slide Out===[[Image:Paris Hilton4.jpg|thumb|right|120px|'''''Position 04''''']]{{q|Sliding is child's play.|Hugh Hefner|[[Playboy]]}}This method is often used while in motion, i.e. running, trotting, jogging, or walking. It requires a loosely hung top with wide cuts down the sides, prefferably an overall (as demonstrated in From the picture)Greek root ekklesia, while deep necks are not necessary at all. A gait that induces a sidelong sawying of hips in the vicinity of 25° English word Ecclesiology is often required. It must always be accompanied by unfocused eyes and nondescript expressionsderived, and may be maintained for hours on end. For best results a nipple-ring may be used. A notable effect of this method which is the sawing motion study of the object doctrine of exhibition, which in generael is not achieved by other methodsthe church.
===Act Innocent===[[Image:Oopsidoopsi.jpg|thumb|left|90px|'''''Position 05''''']]{{q|Do not question my innocence. Contrary to what you think, I really don't know if I inhaled or... whatever. I would like to try that again.|The Pope|[[Marijuana]]}}This method English word "church" itself is used to confuse actually derived from the general population into thinking that in fact, it was an accident. This can be accomplished by making a face of Old English word "OH SHIT!cirice", or basically just hiding under your hat. This method achieves (which is related to the second highest degree of worship, in that onlookers are completely oblivious to what they are [[fart|reallyGreek]] seeing. Saint [[Lindsay Lohan|Lohan]] and Saint [[Tara Reid|Reid]] has been personally propagating this method through innumerable public worshipping, especially since she had word "κυριακή" which means "of the sacred silicon implanted on her bosom.Lord")
===Go Sheer===TIn English, the word "church" means different things to different people in different contexts. It can be used in reference to a gathering of people for a religious meeting. It is also sometimes used to refer to a building or group of buildings, and occasionally it refers to an entire [[Image:BoDerek.jpg|thumb|left|100px|'''''Position 07'''''denomination]]{{q|I believe . It can also be used in what I seean institutional sense to refer to all churches, feel, grop, tease or licksuch as "... the church today.. The rest is metaphysical crap. Seeing is sizing up.|Isaac Newton|[[Science]]}}"
This particular method has been around much longer than the Church of Ass and Nipple Slips. Some heretic researchers tend to quote it as a proof that there are many pre-christian worship methods assimilated in the church. References of ===[[Roman]] and [[Hindu]] devotees wearing sheer see-through clothes has repeatedly surfaced in this line Nature of argument. Chiffon, muslin, georgette and other fabric material are necessary for this practice, often in conjunction with water. The highest congregration practicing this worship method is known as the [[Wet T-Shirt Contest]], an annual mass of '''Wet T-Shirt Contestants''' is called [[Spring BreakChurch]].===
==<font color ="Blue">Modern Methods of Worship</font>=====Lie Down===[[Image:Carmene.jpg|thumb|left|120px|'''''Position 08''''']]{{q|Thou shall not lie without a profit.|God|[[Business]]}}This reqiures a horizontal position (as demonstrated in the picture), prefferably with 15° to 35° tilt of torso and There are a 30° to 65° bend variety of one or both knees facing upwards. The head may be kept in alignment with understandings about what the body, or swung not more than 45° to any side. Placing hands over the genital and/or one or both breasts church actually is not prohibited. Keeping the knees at least 19 centimeters apart is highly recommended. The Softcore School argues for strategic use of sheets, while the Hardcore School argues for a [[dildo]].
===Stand Up===The context in which the word [[Image:00618 00390m 122 523lo.jpg|thumb|right|85px|'''''Position 09'''''ekklesia]]{{q|Get up stand up, stand up for your right. Sit down you clown, sit down for your left.|Bob Marley|[[Voodoo]]}}This (church) is used in the most difficult of all methods of worship, as Bible suggests that it requires no bending, sawying, tilting, swinging or nudging. In fact it stands against the all the familiar and popular activities associated with other methods. Sometimes the worshipper may take take was not originally intended to mean a break to perform some bending building or tilting (as demonstrated in the picture)an organization, but it is generally advised against. Best results are achieved without any use instead was intended to primarily mean a congregation or meeting of an outside object, iGod's people.e. pubic hair, dildo, nipple-ring, clit-ring, shit/sheet, hard hat, hard on or push-up bra. It is commonly practiced en mass at festivals like [[Springbreak]]Thus the church, [[Mardi Gras]] and [[Carnival]]. Temples although consisting of Window in the Holy District community of Red Lights feature believers, is not simply the most avid practitioners. An expression community of orgasmic pleasure and/or pathological pain is optionalbelievers, but also includes activity.
===Stuff Furthermore, although consisting of people, the church is not simply an instution created by people. In===[[ImageMatthew 16:Panib.jpg|thumb|left|100px|18]] Jesus spoke about building '''his''Position 10'church and later, in [[Matthew 18:20]] he spoke about being present among the church: ''{{Bible verse|matthew|16|18|lang=WEB}}'']](Matthew 16:18): ''{{qBible verse|matthew|Got any stuff?18|Harry Potter20|[[Magic]]lang=WEB}}This requires a massive amount of [[silicon]], sometimes up to 11 tonnes, stuffed into the [[boobs]], the holiest of body parts. The result is such that a slip is achieved without trying. In fact, with this method, a slip can not be avoided anywhere for more than 9.2 minutes, a record established by Saint Spears at some concert or other. But even Saint Spears could achieve that timing only once. Saint [[Pamela Anderson|Anderson]] is the most famous practitioner of this method. It implies a strong spinal column, stronger home videos and cuts into back muscles made by over-taxed bra straps. Many of the practitioners are known to wear dress tops only when the law requires it.'' (Matthew 18:20)
==<font color ="Blue">Cases against Worship</font>=====Dangle Extra===[[Image:3tetas.jpg|thumb|right|80px|'''''Case 01''''']]{{q|[[Me]] three.|Moe|the Three Stooges}}Anyone with more than two tits is strongly advised against worship. Any attempt at worship by such people, animals or aliens are strictly prohibited by the law and The Bible uses the term church, in both a local and stand directly against the will of Saint Lohanuniversal nature. The first and last time it was attempted, at a [[Soccer]] match between [[Manchester United]] and [[Chelsea]] half of Mostly the fans/hooligans stormed out of the stadiumword refers to local churches, and the other half wanted to playfor example, not with the ball out on church in Rome or Antioch. Quite often it is spoken about the field, but with those showcased on the flasher's chestplural. The following commotion comvinced Saint Lohan and On a few occasions the church that this should be made New Testament uses the primary case against worshipword in a general or universal sense.
===Round Off===Throughout church history, starting with [[Image:516 G.sized.jpg|thumb|left|90px|'''''Case 02'''''Augustine]]{{q|I make , the church has sometimes been spoken about in terms of the "invisible church" as opposed to the "visible church". The invisible church basically means the world go roundcommunity or collection of true believers in Jesus regardless of denominational affiliation.|Yoko Ono|Rock n Roll}}Anyone with The term visible church is used to refer to the physical countable members or leaders that make up a hip circumference church or group of more than one meter is strongly advised against worshipchurches. Any attempt at worship by such peopleMany Protestant churches tend to emphasize the invisible church, animals or aliens are strictly prohibited by the law and view this as something quite distinct from the visible church. The Roman Catholic Church, on the other hand, teaches that the invisible church and stand directly against visible church are very closely connected, although there is recognition that some elements of the invisible church can be present outside the will of Saint Lohanvisible Roman Catholic church. Once common among non-believers from <ref>[[PalestineCongregation for the Doctrine of the Faith]], who never had a hip less than two meter in circumference, it used to be a popular sport for girls from : [[Canada]]http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20070629_responsa-quaestiones_en. Many html Responses to Some Questions Regarding Certain Aspects of them had made abundant use the Doctrine of silicon to increase hip size. When an Order of Bubble Butts was proposed to the churchChurch], it came the notice of Saint Lohan2007, second and was promptly prohibitedthird question.</ref>
{{H1|===[[Image:Boobs.gif|30pxChurch building]] Extra}}===
removed video - has been taken down. removed categories Videos & Pages with YouTube content
{{Titlequote |text=The church is not a building. Nor is it an organisation or human institution. The church is simply the people whose sins have been forgiven through their faith Jesus Christ... (An extract from the book [[Image:BDC.jpg|40pxOnce a Catholic]] by [[Tony Coffey]])}}<div class{{Infobox_Contents | topic_name ="boilerplate metadata" id="stub" style="background-color:#E0BE40; overflow: hidden;">Church / Ecclesiology<div style="float: left; padding: 5px;">[[Image:051111115750 95-1-Christians at lourdes.jpg|thumb|center|Christians at [[Lourdes]].gif]] |85px subtopics = [[Nature of the church]]* [[Mission of the church]]* [[Church Terms Index]]</div>* Contemporary Ecclesiology Issues and Terminology ----'''<center>No better than a [[Kitten Huffing|Kitten HufferMegachurch]] you are, if here a talk page you expected.<br/></center>'''<center><big>For the talk page[[Home church]], [[YodaEmerging church]] advises, [[Incarnational church]]* [[Church building]]* [[User talk:Aditya Kabir|hereChurch history]]* [[Denominations]] you click.</big></center>'''* [[World----wide church directory]]* [[Church service]] |</div> opinion_pieces = [[Church (discussion)]]* {{TOCrightebd}}{{H1|* [[Image:BoobsWhat is the Church? (G.G.gif|30px)]]* [[The Theology of the Church (AmericanCatholic)]] '''Read Carefully* [[The Church (justforcatholics. Will yea?'''org)]] |}}
The beautiful [[The Church of Ass and Nipple Slips|Church of Ass and Nipple Slips]] has word '''church''' is used in many methods of worshipdifferent ways. Some from The '''church''' is the days Christian community of oldbelievers, that is, some quite recentit is the people. Here Sometimes the word '''church''' is also used to refer to a comphrehensive list of [[church building]] (the most important methods. The Church takes its building used in [[ritualChristian]]s very seriously. So, if you ever have plan to violate them and do something that resembles an act of [[worship gone wrong you may be arrested by ]]) or a [[church service]] (the Church Police, weekly meeting of a group of Christians in a church building) or to be held captive and flogged indefinitely. All those who prefer BDSM over the missionary position are most welcome to try that fact out. The rest, please, check your health insurance firsta church [[denomination]].
==<font color ="Blue">Classic Methods of Worship</font>Etymology===[[Image:Marcy.JPG|thumb|left|136px|'''''Position 01''''']]{{q|Bend to my will, you will.|God|Worship}}'''Bend Over:''' This requires a 30° to 70° forward tilt of torso (as demonstrated in the picture), while tilt of the head may vary from 30° backward to 45° forward. A less than 35° bending of knees is optional. In this manner of worship push-up bras are strongly advised against. Best results are achieved with a dropping of straps, ideally from both shoulders. Adopted by any good [[Christian]] from any church.
===Be ProudUses of the word "church" in common English===[[Image:Ginag0839w.jpg|thumb|right|90px|'''''Position 06''''']]{{q|What? Me proud?|Alfred E. Newman|Worry}}This final, and most [[holy]] method of worship, is achieved by showing that you don't care (as demonstrated in the picture), and in fact you are PROUD of the act. Being outright proud of showing your body is the ultimate zen of the church, and the highest [[masturbation|act of worship]]. It is also necessary to [[smile]] at the pagan onlookers, preferably while putting hands on the hips (with a 35° bend at the elbow) and jutting out the breasts (with a 15° reverse-bend at the elbow) - a posture of defiance adopted by other churches as well. The posture is said to have derived from [[Joan of Arc]]. ''For further proud postures contact: [[Sophia]]''.
===Sprouting Man===[[Image:Moogawoogette.jpg|thumb|right|110px|'''''Case 03''''']]{{q|My man, you're a man.|Freddy Mercury|[[Grace Jones]]}}Worship is generally prohibited for men who has sprouted boobs, or are owners Mission of cute bubble butts. This prohibition is laxed only in the case of men who have been admitted into the '''Sisterhood''' and worships only in front of Dragqueens or in [[Gay Barchurch]]s. There have been an ecclesiastical battle going against [[Church of the Gay Bar]] around this prohibition. The artist formerly known as Prince and David Bowie has been in the forefornt of the movement to demand a sanction of worship for sprouting men. Though the movement is strongly suppoerted by [[Oprah]], it is yet to be ratified by the [[Pope]].===
The church's mission can be summarized as to bring glory to God through humanity mirroring God’s own holy character of love<ref>[[Stanley J. Grenz]], ''[[Theology for the Community of God]]'' (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing, 2000), 489.</ref>. This involves:
# Honourable worship to God
# Building up of each other within the church
# Reaching out into the world through service and evangelism
Christians worhsip in church buildings. Although the [[Church]] (the people that belong to [[Jesus]]) can meet anywhere, they have since early times built buildings specifically for worshipping [[God]] in. There are many well known church buildings around the world such as [[St. Peter's Basilica]] in [[Rome]]. A common architecture for churches is a building in the shape of a cross, often with a dome or other large vaulted space in the interior to represent or draw attention to the heavens. ====Photos of church buildings==== <center><gallery>Image:DCP 4427.jpg|The main church in [[Echmiadzin]], the physical centre of the [[Armenian Orthodox Church]]Image:Wittenburg church door gg.jpg|The door of the famous church in [[Wittenburg]] where [[Martin Luther]] is thought to have nailed his [[95 Theses]] to the doorImage:Olney church.jpg|The church in [[Olney]] where [[John Newton]], author of the hymn [[Amazing Grace (song)|Amazing Grace]] workedImage:Stanfordmemorialchurch.jpg|Stanford Memorial Church in [[California]]Image:Trinity baptist colonel light gardens.jpg|A bullshit collection small local church, [[Trinity Baptist Church (Colonel Light Gardens, South Australia)|Trinity Baptist Church]] in [[Adelaide]], [[Australia]], once known as the "City of banners Churches"Image:Église Collégiale Sainte Marthe (Tarascon).jpg|The Église Collégiale Sainte Marthe in [[Tarascon]], [[France]]</gallery></center> ===[[Church history]]=== Since the church was formed after the resurrection of Jesus, major events and conflict, often over matters of [[doctrine]] have resulted in significant rifts. Initially the early Christians spread the good news of Jesus throughout the Roman empire and small congregations of Christians sprang up in many towns. Rome soon became the geographical centre of the church. However, there was a rift between the Church in Greece and the one in Rome that don't add any value slowly developed over centuries culminating in a schism in 1054 AD. Later, in sixteenth century, Christians in northern Europe split from the Roman church, an event known as the [[Reformation]]. Today there seems to be a bewildering array of [[denominations]]. Some of the page whatsoeverlarger ones include [[Roman Catholicism]], but the Greek and Russian [[Eastern Orthodox|Orthodox]] churches and the wide variety of [[Protestant]] churches. ==Quotes== [[Once a Catholic]] by [[Tony Coffey]]: The church is not a building. Nor is it an organisation or human institution. The church is simply the people whose sins have been forgiven through their faith Jesus Christ. Lenny Bruce: Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. Charles de Lint: Why did men worship in churches, locking themselves away in the dark, when the collection world lay beyond its doors in all its real glory? Robert Short: The church is put together in the belive that nobody really gives great lost and found department. Ralph Waldo Emerson: I like the silence of a shit about banners at church, before the bottom service begins better than any preaching. George Mueller: An unvisited church will sooner or later become an unhealthy church. Ignatius of Antioch: Where the bishop, there the church (''Ubi episcopus, ibi ecclesia.'') Eugene de Mazenod: To love Jesus Christ means to love the page anywayschurch == References =={{Insane}}{{Bat Fuck Insane}}<references /> ==Links==* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church Wikipedia - Church]{{Ape* [http://sharingknowledge.org/wb/pages/bible-teachings/fundamental-doctrines.php Sharing knowledge -Shit Crazy}}Church] {{Some Bullshitreturnto}}[[Christianity]][[Category:Theology]]
