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The Roman Catholic Church new character is a major Christian called [[denominationFun:Jesus|Jesus]], whose mother was a virgin, and who is supposed to be his own dad (no, really!). It He came along and told people that they should believe in him, because he was the only way into this awesome new paradise in Heaven, where animals don's headt eat each other any more.<ref>Vegetarians rejoice!</ref> He proved all this, and that he wasn't faking, by doing magic tricks for any people who would stop and listen to him. Then some hateful Jews came along and got him killed, because they thought his teachings were hate-quarters are speech, and had to be destroyed. Then he goes on to an underworld full of pain and suffering. However, a few days later he crawled back out, and this now-zombie Jesus rolled away a rock and scared two poor innocent women, then joined the poor saps he had tricked, and had them poke fingers in him, and told spooky stories about the afterlife. He reiterated that everyone had to believe in Rome but him or they wouldn't make it has congregations throughout to the worldhappy afterlife. It claims After this, Jesus crawls up to have an unbroken leadership first from [[Jesus Christ]]heaven, and his poor saps are left on Earth without him, through the [[apostle Peter]] just waiting for a new main character to lead the [[pope]] by [[Apostolic Succession]]way.
===Previous snarky summary===Perhaps the most popular fantasy novel ever written. Wait a moment -- Moslems think the [[Eastern OrthodoxyKoran]]===is better! Anyway, the main character, Jesus (a zombie who was his own father) was born of a virgin. He came to tell mankind that they should believe in him or he will punish them for eternity in hell ( a dark hot place underground). To prove that he is not just faking he did magic tricks for the people who would listen to his speeches. He told people that the earth was create 8 thousand years ago, over a seven day period. He put two people Adam and Eve on earth. They ate an apple when he told them not to, so he decided they should suffer and die by being kicked out of paradise. All of mankind is their inbred descendants. Later an alcoholic named Moses built a boat because God told him to. God then told him to collect two of the billions of species on earth in just a few days. Once all the species were collected, God drowned everything, and everyone else because they pissed him off. Then Moses and his wife got down to the inbreeding. Within a few more thousand years all the different races of humanity had diverged, and all the plants animals, insects etc. had repopulated the earth. Then some filthy Jews escaped Egypt and wondered around the desert for a while before making Israel. Jesus was born the filthy Jews killed him, he went to hell and laughed at all the people that were sent there came back to life as zombie, and told everyone spooky stories about hell. Then he went to heaven a (happy place up in the sky) the end.