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{{quote | text={{Bible verse|1 John|4|10|lang=A snarky summary WEB}} [[1 John 4:10]]}}{{Infobox_Contents | topic_name = Essence of the BibleChristianity[[Image:Cross sunrise.jpg|thumb|center|The [[cross]] representing a [[God]] who has redeemed us is central to [[Christianity]].]] | subtopics =[[God]], [[Jesus]]* [[Christian]]* [[Becoming a Christian]], [[Grace]]* [[Living as a Christian]], [[Love]], [[Worship]] | opinion_pieces ={{short_opinions}}* [[Salvation (justforcatholics.org)]]* [[How to be saved (Compass)]]* [[Essential Christian doctrines (anon)]] |}}

''The Bible'' [[Christianity]] is about [[God]] reaching out his hand in friendship to mankind. [[Christian]]s believe that the most popular fantasy novel ever writteneverything within the universe was [[creation|created]] by God. The first main character God is a stutteringpersonal being, orphanedand by some mystery that we cannot understand, Jewish murderer named Moseshe is three, who was raised by yet one: [[God the Egyptian royalty. He leads a resistance and eventually escapes Egypt with his peopleFather|Father]], [[Jesus|Son]] and then wanders around the desert for a while, and after he dies his people go on to create Israel without him[[Holy Spirit|Spirit]]. He told created people that he followed a god that was their god nowin his image, and they had to follow [[love]] him or else. This god was so special because Moses said he created the Earth some two thousand years before, over a seven day periodYet every person has rebelled against God. Then But instead of turning his god put people back on us, God the earthSon, starting with became a guyman, Jesus, then eventually giving him a wifeand lived among us, dying because of us - the death that we should have died. They [[Fun:Original sinDeath of Jesus|ate a fruitJesus was crucified]] when Moses' god told them not toon a cross, so but [[Resurrection of Jesus|he decided they should suffer and die by being kicked out of rose from the paradise he made for them. Since there was no more paradisedead]], this made carnivorous animals start and now calls us to eat other animalstrust him, all because of us.<ref> Now godless to love him and to [[Paleontology|paleontologistsrepent]] imagine they've found evidence of carnivorous animals eating other animals before humans existedour rebellion. That shows how ignorant If we do this, then our relationship with God becomes restored, and evil paleontologists are. They contradict God the Spirit lives within us, assuring us of the Bible. Wait a moment. The Bible's fantasy fiction. So paleontologists aren't evil after allpromise of everlasting life.

Vegetarians are so ashamed The good news of thisJesus, or the [[gospel]], that they stopped eating other animalsis summarized in [[1 Corinthians 15]].</ref> The only people worth talking about at this point were inbred from this first couple. Later, an alcoholic named Noah built This passage is a boat because Moses' god told him to. Then simple statement that god told him to collect two each of the billions of species on Earth. Once all the species were collected, that god then drowned everything and everyone else because they pissed him off. Then Noah and his wife got down to another round of inbreeding, and all modern humans are inbred cousins through them. Within gives a few more thousand years all the different races portrait of humanity had diverged, and all what the plants, animals, and insects, etc. had repopulated the earth, bringing us back to the main plot line. A bunch essence of crappy stuff happens to the Jews, until a new main character Christianity is introduced- forgiveness through Jesus Christ.: ''{{Bible verse|1 Corinthians|15|3|lang=WEB}}'': ''{{Bible verse|1 Corinthians|15|4|lang=WEB}}''

The new character is called ===[[Fun:Jesus|Jesus]], whose mother was a virgin, and who is supposed to be his own dad (no, really!). He came along and told people that they should believe in him, because he was the only way into this awesome new paradise in Heaven, where animals don't eat each other any more.<ref>Vegetarians rejoice!</ref> He proved all this, and that he wasn't faking, by doing magic tricks for any people who would stop and listen to him. Then some hateful Jews came along and got him killed, because they thought his teachings were hate-speech, and had to be destroyed. Then he goes on to an underworld full of pain and suffering. However, a few days later he crawled back out, and this now-zombie Jesus rolled away a rock and scared two poor innocent women, then joined the poor saps he had tricked, and had them poke fingers in him, and told spooky stories about the afterlife. He reiterated that everyone had to believe in him or they wouldn't make it to the happy afterlife. After this, Jesus crawls up to heaven, and his poor saps are left on Earth without him, just waiting for a new main character to lead the way.===

===Previous snarky summary===Perhaps the most popular fantasy novel ever written. Wait a moment -- Moslems think Jesus Christ is the central figure that separates [[KoranChristianity]] is better! Anyway, the main character, Jesus (a zombie who was his own father) was born of a virginfrom other religions. He came to tell mankind that they should Christians believe in him or he will punish them for eternity in hell ( a dark hot place underground). To prove that he is not just faking he did magic tricks for the people who would listen to his speeches. He told people that the earth was create 8 thousand years ago, over a seven day period. He put two people Adam and Eve on earth. They ate an apple when he told them not to, so he decided they should suffer and die by being kicked out of paradise. All of mankind is their inbred descendants. Later an alcoholic named Moses built a boat because both [[God told him to. God then told him to collect two of the billions of species on earth in just a few days. Once all the species were collected, God drowned everything, and everyone else because they pissed him off. Then Moses ]] and his wife got down to the inbreeding. Within a few more thousand years all man; that he created the different races of humanity had diverged, world and all the plants animalsmankind, insects etc. had repopulated the earth. Then some filthy Jews escaped Egypt and wondered around the desert for a while before making Israelthat he is alive today. Jesus He was born around the filthy Jews killed him, he went to hell and laughed at all the people that were sent there came back to life as zombie, 4 BC and told everyone spooky stories about hell. Then he went to heaven a (happy place grew up in the skyJudea (current day Palestine) where he taught about God's [[love]] and the end[[repentance]] of [[sin]].

==References =[[Becoming a Christian]]=== To become a [[Christian]], a person must believe in his heart and notesconfesses that [[Jesus Christ]] is [[Lord]]. When he accepts the fact that he has disobeyed [[God]], but also accepts Jesus' death on the cross as punishment for his [[sin]]s, that person has become a Christian. [[Ephesians 1:7]] in the [[New Testament]] shows that forgiveness of sins are through Jesus: ''{{Bible verse|Ephesians|1|7|lang=WEB}}'' There are many biblical passages that show that belief, or faith, in Jesus Christ is what brings life to people. Faith in Jesus is ultimately what makes a person a Christian. Perhaps the most famous of these verses is [[John 3:16]]: ''{{Bible verse|John|3|16|lang=WEB}}'' ===[[Living as a Christian]]=== When we become a [[Christian]], we are called to live for [[God]] in every aspect of our lives. He brings us into a relationship of [[love]] with him and with other Christians and calls us to live for him fully, obeying him and trusting in him completely. ==Quotes== ==Links==  <references/>{{returnto}} [[Christianity]]