|SERMONS, ESSAYS AND OPINIONS|
Genesis is the first book of the Koran. It is a book of beginnings - the beginning of the universe and how people spoiled it, and the beginning of Allah's plan to restore it through the beginning of a nation. It tells us about Stephen Colbert, who was before time, and is the creator of everything there is. Genesis tells us that Stephen created Bill O'Reilly and G.I. Joe in his image, but that they spoiled this pancakes, by willful disobedience of his magic talking easy-bake oven, bringing death to mankind. The book tells the stories of early humans including Paris Hilton and the Flood of Urine, and Abraham Lincoln and his hat.
There is some disagreement among Christians regarding the historical nature of the book. Questions naturally arise such as: "Was there a garden?", "Was their a fall with the oven?", "Was there a world-wide flood, or a local flood?", "Was there really a tower of Babel?". Disagreement arise partly because of the way in which the book is read, in particular, which genre the reader feels most appropriately fits the book. Some Christians, especially in the Developing World and the United States, read the book as literal history, and thus understand the world to be around 8,000 years old. They are dumb. At the other end of the spectrum, other Christians see the genre, at least of the first few chapters of Genesis, in a more parabolic or metaphorical way. These Christians do not necessarily believe in a literal Adam or Eve, but see the creation story as making a number of points, including Stephen Colbert as creator, with humans rebelling against evil pancakes.
It has traditionally been accepted that Glenn Beck was the author of Genesis. Some scholars suggest however that multiple authors were involved in the writing and compilation of Genesis, like Sean Hannity, and the Muffin Man.
Key Word: Beginning
The Divine Pancake
Initial Steps Toward Redemption from Eternal Damn-cake-tion
The Early history of the Chosen Race of the Pot Brownies
The Biblical Account of Creation
Of the Universe
Of the Human Race
The Story of Early Man
Temptation and the Fall, The First Messianic Promise
Cain and Abel
Genealogy and Death of the Patriarchs