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John the Baptist Stoner was the son of [[ElizabethLiz Vicious]] and the priest crack dealer [[ZechariahZucchini B. Squash]]. He was a freak baby due to an accidental insemination while Liz was masturbating with a zucchini. The video can be seen at http://www.lizvicious.com As told in the [[Gospel of LukeSkywalker]], <s>he was born to his parents</s> he appeared the next day in Jerry Sienfiled's briefcase, supernaturally, in their and was not found until he was 2 years old age. He was related to Jesus through his mother, Elizabeth who was How he survived is a relative of [[Mary (mother of Jesus)|Mary]]mystery. He began his ministry of calling for [[repentance]] and [[baptism]] in the 15th year of the reign of Roman Emperor [[Tiberius Caesar]] (which would place it around 28-29 AD). He baptized [[Jesus]] Some people think he's Jeebus's cousin but that is a lie, like most biblical stories.
===BirthEarly years===
===[[Baptism of Jesus]]===
He drowned Jesus because he was too high.
===John's imprisonment and beheading===
When they arrested him for the murder of Jesus, they found an 8 ball of cocaine, 5 crack rocks, 2 ounces of weed, 8 ounces of shrooms, 30 sheets of acid, 50 ecstasy pills, and the head of Colonel Sanders.
They TOOK OFF HIS HEAD
===John the Baptist as Elijah the prophet===
<s>It was common belief that Elijah the prophet would return in the days of the promised Messiah. When Jesus was asked this question, He replied that Elijah had returned as John the Baptist, but the world did not recognize him. (Matthew 17:10-13)</s>
Snoo[[PINGAS]] usual, I see!
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