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__NOTOC__{{quote Title| text=The church is not a building. Nor is it an organisation or human institution. The church is simply the people whose sins have been forgiven through their faith Jesus Christ... (An extract from the book [[Once a CatholicImage:BDC.jpg|40px]] by [[Tony Coffey]])}}<div class="boilerplate metadata" id="stub" style="background-color:#E0BE40; overflow: hidden;"><div style="float: left; padding: 5px;">[[Image:Christians at lourdes051111115750 95-1-.jpg|thumbgif|Christians marching in a procession at [[Lourdes]].85px]]</div>----''Synopsis:'' A <center>No better than a [[church buildingKitten Huffing|Kitten Huffer]] is you are, if here a building used in talk page you expected.<br/></center>'''<center><big>For the talk page, [[ChristianYoda]] advises, [[worshipUser talk:Aditya Kabir|here]]you click. The church is the Christian community of believers.</big></center>'''

__TOC__</div>{{topicsTOCright}}* [[Church building]]* [[Church history]]* [[Denominations]]* [[World-wide church directory]]* [[Church Terms Index]]* [[Megachurch]] {{opinions}} {{ebd}} H1|[[What is the Church? (GImage:Boobs.G.)gif|30px]] [[The Church (justforcatholics'''Read Carefully.org)]]Will yea?'''}}

The word "church" is derived through Middle and Old English cirice, circe from the {{H1|[[GreekImage:Boobs.gif|30px]] κυριακον (δωμα) Lord's (house)''Methods of Worship. However, most English versions of the New Testament use the word "church" to translate [[ecclesia]] (Greek ἐκκλησία "congregation, assembly", a word originally used without specific reference to religious gatherings)Go learn.'''}}

In English, the word can be used in reference to a gathering ==<font color ="Blue">Classic Methods of people for a religious meeting, but is sometimes used to refer to a building or group of buildings. It is also used to refer to a Worship</font>==[[denominationImage:Marcy.JPG|thumb|left|136px|'''''Position 01''''']] that places the leadership {{q|Bend to my will, you will.|God|Worship}}'''Bend Over:''' This requires a 30° to 70° forward tilt of all congregations torso (as demonstrated in a central locationthe picture), such as while tilt of the "Roman Catholic Church"head may vary from 30° backward to 45° forward. It can also be used in an institutional sense to refer to all churches, such as "A less than 35° bending of knees is optional.In this manner of worship push-up bras are strongly advised against.Best results are achieved with a dropping of straps, ideally from both shoulders. the Adopted by any good [[Christian]] from any church today...."

===Press Hard===[[Image:Ww2.jpg|thumb|right|90px|'''''Position 02''''']]{{q|When a little nudge goes a long way, you know you have got it.|FDR|[[Leadership]]}}This requires the arms to slide close together in the fron part of the body (as demonstrated in the picture), cutting the gap between them while hanging limp by the side of the body from 25% to 55%. Putting the hands in an angular position, between 15° to 25°, is optional. In this manner of worship push-up bras are encouraged, especially when a dress is worn. Best results are achieved with an extremely low-neck top, ideally a bikini tri-top. Many worshippers reinforce the effect by wearing semi-transparent apparel. Some also make use of he air conditioner or ice-cubes applied at regular intervals. Saint [[Angelina Jolie|Jolie]], Saint [[Church buildingHalle Berry|Berry]]===and Saint [[Tyra Banks|Banks]] are among the famous pratitioners of this method.

Christians worhsip in church buildings. Although the ===Drop Off===[[ChurchImage:Ddl01.jpg|thumb|left|160px|'''''Position 03''''']] {{q|Drop whatever is there, and reach for it.|Timothy Leary|Bliss}}This is the simplest, but least followed method. This requires a dropping of straps, one or both, about 15 inches or more (as demonstrated in the people that belong to [[Jesus]]picture) , and leaving them at it for at least 5 minutes. It must always be accompanied by a silly grin and vapid eyes. It can meet anywherebe practiced in any posture - standing erect or bent, they have since early times built buildings specifically for worshipping lying down or sitting. Generally it is followed by a frantic re-placement of the straps, by self or an assistant. Best results are achieved on stage, on camera or on [[GodHoward Stern]] inShow. There are many well known church buildings around the world such as Saint [[St. Peter's BasilicaJanet Jackson|Janet]] in , Saint [[RomeTara Reid|Reid]]. A common architecture for churches is a building in the shape of a cross, often with a dome or other large vaulted space in the interior to represent or draw attention to the heavensand Saint [[Paris Hilton (person)|Hilton]] are famous this method.

====Photos of church buildings=Slide Out===[[Image:Paris Hilton4.jpg|thumb|right|120px|'''''Position 04''''']]{{q|Sliding is child's play.|Hugh Hefner|[[Playboy]]}}This method is often used while in motion, i.e. running, trotting, jogging, or walking. It requires a loosely hung top with wide cuts down the sides, prefferably an overall (as demonstrated in the picture), while deep necks are not necessary at all. A gait that induces a sidelong sawying of hips in the vicinity of 25° is often required. It must always be accompanied by unfocused eyes and nondescript expressions, and may be maintained for hours on end. For best results a nipple-ring may be used. A notable effect of this method is the sawing motion of the object of exhibition, which in generael is not achieved by other methods.

<center><gallery>===Act Innocent===[[Image:DCP 4427Oopsidoopsi.jpg|The main church in [[Echmiadzinthumb|left|90px|'''''Position 05''''']]{{q|Do not question my innocence. Contrary to what you think, the physical centre of the [[Armenian Orthodox Church]]Image:Wittenburg church door ggI really don't know if I inhaled or... whatever. I would like to try that again.jpg|The door of the famous church in Pope|[[Wittenburg]] where [[Martin LutherMarijuana]] }}This method is thought to have nailed his [[95 Theses]] used to confuse the doorImage:Olney church.jpg|The church general population into thinking that in [[Olney]] where [[John Newton]]fact, author it was an accident. This can be accomplished by making a face of "OH SHIT!", or basically just hiding under your hat. This method achieves the hymn second highest degree of worship, in that onlookers are completely oblivious to what they are [[Amazing Grace (song)fart|Amazing Gracereally]] workedImage:Stanfordmemorialchurchseeing.jpg|Stanford Memorial Church in Saint [[CaliforniaLindsay Lohan|Lohan]]Image:Trinity baptist colonel light gardens.jpg|A small local church, and Saint [[Trinity Baptist Church (Colonel Light Gardens, South Australia)Tara Reid|Trinity Baptist Church]] in [[Adelaide]], [[AustraliaReid]]has been personally propagating this method through innumerable public worshipping, once known as especially since she had the "City of Churches"Image:Église Collégiale Sainte Marthe (Tarascon)sacred silicon implanted on her bosom.jpg|The Église Collégiale Sainte Marthe in [[Tarascon]], [[France]]</gallery></center>

===Be Proud===[[Image:Ginag0839w.jpg|thumb|right|90px|'''''Position 06''''']]{{q|What? Me proud?|Alfred E. Newman|Worry}}This final, and most [[holy]] method of worship, is achieved by showing that you don't care (as demonstrated in the picture), and in fact you are PROUD of the act. Being outright proud of showing your body is the ultimate zen of the church, and the highest [[masturbation|act of worship]]. It is also necessary to [[Church historysmile]]===at the pagan onlookers, preferably while putting hands on the hips (with a 35° bend at the elbow) and jutting out the breasts (with a 15° reverse-bend at the elbow) - a posture of defiance adopted by other churches as well. The posture is said to have derived from [[Joan of Arc]]. ''For further proud postures contact: [[Sophia]]''.

Since the church was formed after the resurrection of Jesus, major events and conflict, often over matters of ===Go Sheer===[[doctrineImage:BoDerek.jpg|thumb|left|100px|'''''Position 07''''']] have resulted {{q|I believe in significant rifts. Initially the early Christians spread the good news of Jesus throughout the Roman empire and small congregations of Christians sprang up in many towns. Rome soon became the geographical centre of the church. Howeverwhat I see, there was a rift between the Church in Greece and the one in Rome that slowly developed over centuries culminating in a schism in 1054 AD. Laterfeel, in sixteenth centurygrop, Christians in northern Europe split from the Roman church, an event known as the [[Reformation]]tease or lick. The rest is metaphysical crap. Today there seems to be a bewildering array of [[denominations]]Seeing is sizing up. Some of the larger ones include [[Roman Catholicism]], the Greek and Russian [[Eastern Orthodox|Orthodox]] churches and the wide variety of Isaac Newton|[[ProtestantScience]] churches.}}

==<font color ="Blue">Modern Methods of Worship</font>=====Lie Down===[[Once a CatholicImage:Carmene.jpg|thumb|left|120px|'''''Position 08''''']] by {{q|Thou shall not lie without a profit.|God|[[Tony CoffeyBusiness]]}}: This reqiures a horizontal position (as demonstrated in the picture), prefferably with 15° to 35° tilt of torso and a 30° to 65° bend of one or both knees facing upwards. The church head may be kept in alignment with the body, or swung not more than 45° to any side. Placing hands over the genital and/or one or both breasts is not a buildingprohibited. Nor Keeping the knees at least 19 centimeters apart is it an organisation or human institutionhighly recommended. The church is simply Softcore School argues for strategic use of sheets, while the people whose sins have been forgiven through their faith Jesus ChristHardcore School argues for a [[dildo]].

Lenny Bruce===Stand Up===[[Image: Every day people 00618 00390m 122 523lo.jpg|thumb|right|85px|'''''Position 09''''']]{{q|Get up stand up, stand up for your right. Sit down you clown, sit down for your left.|Bob Marley|[[Voodoo]]}}This is the most difficult of all methods of worship, as it requires no bending, sawying, tilting, swinging or nudging. In fact it stands against the all the familiar and popular activities associated with other methods. Sometimes the worshipper may take take a break to perform some bending or tilting (as demonstrated in the picture), but it is generally advised against. Best results are straying away from achieved without any use of an outside object, i.e. pubic hair, dildo, nipple-ring, clit-ring, shit/sheet, hard hat, hard on or push-up bra. It is commonly practiced en mass at festivals like [[Springbreak]], [[Mardi Gras]] and [[Carnival]]. Temples of Window in the church Holy District of Red Lights feature the most avid practitioners. An expression of orgasmic pleasure and going back to God/or pathological pain is optional.

Charles de Lint===Stuff In===[[Image: Why did men worship in churchesPanib.jpg|thumb|left|100px|'''''Position 10''''']]{{q|Got any stuff?|Harry Potter|[[Magic]]}}This requires a massive amount of [[silicon]], sometimes up to 11 tonnes, stuffed into the [[boobs]], the holiest of body parts. The result is such that a slip is achieved without trying. In fact, with this method, a slip can not be avoided anywhere for more than 9.2 minutes, locking themselves away in a record established by Saint Spears at some concert or other. But even Saint Spears could achieve that timing only once. Saint [[Pamela Anderson|Anderson]] is the darkmost famous practitioner of this method. It implies a strong spinal column, stronger home videos and cuts into back muscles made by over-taxed bra straps. Many of the practitioners are known to wear dress tops only when the world lay beyond its doors in all its real glory?law requires it.

Robert Short==<font color ="Blue">Cases against Worship</font>=====Dangle Extra===[[Image: 3tetas.jpg|thumb|right|80px|'''''Case 01''''']]{{q|[[Me]] three.|Moe|the Three Stooges}}Anyone with more than two tits is strongly advised against worship. Any attempt at worship by such people, animals or aliens are strictly prohibited by the law and the church, and stand directly against the will of Saint Lohan. The first and last time it was attempted, at a [[Soccer]] match between [[Manchester United]] and [[Chelsea]] half of the fans/hooligans stormed out of the stadium, and the other half wanted to play, not with the ball out on the field, but with those showcased on the flasher's chest. The following commotion comvinced Saint Lohan and the church is that this should be made the great lost and found departmentprimary case against worship.

Ralph Waldo Emerson===Round Off===[[Image: 516 G.sized.jpg|thumb|left|90px|'''''Case 02''''']]{{q|I like make the world go round.|Yoko Ono|Rock n Roll}}Anyone with a hip circumference of more than one meter is strongly advised against worship. Any attempt at worship by such people, animals or aliens are strictly prohibited by the law and the church, and stand directly against the silence will of Saint Lohan. Once common among non-believers from [[Palestine]], who never had a hip less than two meter in circumference, it used to be a popular sport for girls from [[Canada]]. Many of them had made abundant use of silicon to increase hip size. When an Order of Bubble Butts was proposed to the church, before it came the service begins better than any preachingnotice of Saint Lohan, and was promptly prohibited.

George Mueller===Sprouting Man===[[Image: An unvisited church will sooner Moogawoogette.jpg|thumb|right|110px|'''''Case 03''''']]{{q|My man, you're a man.|Freddy Mercury|[[Grace Jones]]}}Worship is generally prohibited for men who has sprouted boobs, or are owners of cute bubble butts. This prohibition is laxed only in the case of men who have been admitted into the '''Sisterhood''' and worships only in front of Dragqueens or later become in [[Gay Bar]]s. There have been an unhealthy churchecclesiastical battle going against [[Church of the Gay Bar]] around this prohibition. The artist formerly known as Prince and David Bowie has been in the forefornt of the movement to demand a sanction of worship for sprouting men. Though the movement is strongly suppoerted by [[Oprah]], it is yet to be ratified by the [[Pope]].

* {{H1|[http[Image://enBoobs.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church Wikipedia - Churchgif|30px]]Extra}}

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