Changes

__NOTOC__{{Titlequote |text=The church is not a building. Nor is it an organisation or human institution. The church is simply the people whose sins have been forgiven through their faith Jesus Christ... (An extract from the book [[Once a Catholic]] by [[Image:BDC.jpg|40pxTony Coffey]])}}<div class="boilerplate metadata" id="stub" style="background-color:#E0BE40; overflow: hidden;"><div style="float: left; padding: 5px;">[[Image:051111115750 95-1-Christians at lourdes.gifjpg|85pxthumb|Christians marching in a procession at [[Lourdes]].]]''Synopsis:'' A [[church building]] is a building used in [[Christian]] [[worship]]</div>. The church is the Christian community of believers. 

'''<center>No better than a __TOC__{{topics}}* [[Kitten Huffing|Kitten HufferChurch building]] you are, if here a talk page you expected.<br/></center>'''<center><big>For the talk page, * [[YodaChurch history]] advises, * [[User talk:Aditya Kabir|hereDenominations]] you click.</big></center>'''* [[World----wide church directory]]* [[Church Terms Index]]* [[Megachurch]]</div>{{TOCrightopinions}} {{H1|ebd}} [[Image:BoobsWhat is the Church? (G.gif|30pxG.)]] '''Read Carefully [[The Church (justforcatholics. Will yea?'''}}org)]]

{{H1|The word "church" is derived through Middle and Old English cirice, circe from the [[Image:Boobs.gif|30pxGreek]] κυριακον (δωμα) Lord'''Methods s (house). However, most English versions of Worship. Go learnthe New Testament use the word "church" to translate [[ecclesia]] (Greek ἐκκλησία "congregation, assembly", a word originally used without specific reference to religious gatherings).'''}}

==<font color ="Blue">Classic Methods In English, the word can be used in reference to a gathering of people for a religious meeting, but is sometimes used to refer to a building or group of Worship</font>==buildings. It is also used to refer to a [[Image:Marcy.JPG|thumb|left|136px|'''''Position 01'''''denomination]]{{q|Bend to my will, you will.|God|Worship}}'''Bend Over:''' This requires a 30° to 70° forward tilt that places the leadership of torso (as demonstrated all congregations in the picture)a central location, while tilt of such as the head may vary from 30° backward "Roman Catholic Church". It can also be used in an institutional sense to refer to 45° forwardall churches, such as ". A less than 35° bending of knees is optional. In this manner of worship push-up bras are strongly advised against. Best results are achieved with a dropping of straps, ideally from both shouldersthe church today... Adopted by any good [[Christian]] from any church."

===Press Hard===[[Image:Ww2.jpg|thumb|right|90px|'''''Position 02'''''Church building]]{{q|When a little nudge goes a long way, you know you have got it.|FDR|[[Leadership]]}}This requires the arms to slide close together in the fron part of the body (as demonstrated in the picture), cutting the gap between them while hanging limp by the side of the body from 25% to 55%. Putting the hands in an angular position, between 15° to 25°, is optional. In this manner of worship push-up bras are encouraged, especially when a dress is worn. Best results are achieved with an extremely low-neck top, ideally a bikini tri-top. Many worshippers reinforce the effect by wearing semi-transparent apparel. Some also make use of he air conditioner or ice-cubes applied at regular intervals. Saint [[Angelina Jolie|Jolie]], Saint [[Halle Berry|Berry]] and Saint [[Tyra Banks|Banks]] are among the famous pratitioners of this method.===

===Drop Off===Christians worhsip in church buildings. Although the [[Image:Ddl01.jpg|thumb|left|160px|'''''Position 03'''''Church]]{{q|Drop whatever is there, and reach for it.|Timothy Leary|Bliss}}This is the simplest, but least followed method. This requires a dropping of straps, one or both, about 15 inches or more (as demonstrated in the picturepeople that belong to [[Jesus]])can meet anywhere, and leaving them at it they have since early times built buildings specifically for at least 5 minutes. It must always be accompanied by a silly grin and vapid eyes. It can be practiced in any posture - standing erect or bent, lying down or sitting. Generally it is followed by a frantic re-placement of the straps, by self or an assistant. Best results are achieved on stage, on camera or on worshipping [[Howard SternGod]] Showin. Saint There are many well known church buildings around the world such as [[Janet Jackson|JanetSt. Peter's Basilica]], Saint in [[Tara Reid|ReidRome]]. A common architecture for churches is a building in the shape of a cross, and Saint [[Paris Hilton (person)|Hilton]] are famous this methodoften with a dome or other large vaulted space in the interior to represent or draw attention to the heavens.

===Slide Out=Photos of church buildings====[[Image:Paris Hilton4.jpg|thumb|right|120px|'''''Position 04''''']]{{q|Sliding is child's play.|Hugh Hefner|[[Playboy]]}}This method is often used while in motion, i.e. running, trotting, jogging, or walking. It requires a loosely hung top with wide cuts down the sides, prefferably an overall (as demonstrated in the picture), while deep necks are not necessary at all. A gait that induces a sidelong sawying of hips in the vicinity of 25° is often required. It must always be accompanied by unfocused eyes and nondescript expressions, and may be maintained for hours on end. For best results a nipple-ring may be used. A notable effect of this method is the sawing motion of the object of exhibition, which in generael is not achieved by other methods.

===Act Innocent===<center><gallery>[[Image:OopsidoopsiDCP 4427.jpg|thumb|left|90px|'''''Position 05'''''The main church in [[Echmiadzin]], the physical centre of the [[Armenian Orthodox Church]]{{q|Do not question my innocence. Contrary to what you think, I really don't know if I inhaled or... whatever. I would like to try that againImage:Wittenburg church door gg.jpg|The Pope|door of the famous church in [[Wittenburg]] where [[MarijuanaMartin Luther]]}}This method is used thought to have nailed his [[95 Theses]] to confuse the general population into thinking that doorImage:Olney church.jpg|The church in fact[[Olney]] where [[John Newton]], it was an accident. This can be accomplished by making a face author of "OH SHIT!", or basically just hiding under your hatthe hymn [[Amazing Grace (song)|Amazing Grace]] workedImage:Stanfordmemorialchurch. This method achieves the second highest degree of worship, jpg|Stanford Memorial Church in that onlookers are completely oblivious to what they are [[fart|reallyCalifornia]] seeingImage:Trinity baptist colonel light gardens. Saint jpg|A small local church, [[Lindsay LohanTrinity Baptist Church (Colonel Light Gardens, South Australia)|LohanTrinity Baptist Church]] and Saint in [[Adelaide]], [[Tara Reid|ReidAustralia]] has been personally propagating this method through innumerable public worshipping, especially since she had once known as the sacred silicon implanted on her bosom"City of Churches"Image:Église Collégiale Sainte Marthe (Tarascon).jpg|The Église Collégiale Sainte Marthe in [[Tarascon]], [[France]]</gallery></center>

===Be Proud===[[Image:Ginag0839w.jpg|thumb|right|90px|'''''Position 06'''''Church history]]{{q|What? Me proud?|Alfred E. Newman|Worry}}This final, and most [[holy]] method of worship, is achieved by showing that you don't care (as demonstrated in the picture), and in fact you are PROUD of the act. Being outright proud of showing your body is the ultimate zen of the church, and the highest [[masturbation|act of worship]]. It is also necessary to [[smile]] at the pagan onlookers, preferably while putting hands on the hips (with a 35° bend at the elbow) and jutting out the breasts (with a 15° reverse-bend at the elbow) - a posture of defiance adopted by other churches as well. The posture is said to have derived from [[Joan of Arc]]. ''For further proud postures contact: [[Sophia]]''.===

===Go Sheer===Since the church was formed after the resurrection of Jesus, major events and conflict, often over matters of [[Image:BoDerek.jpg|thumb|left|100px|'''''Position 07'''''doctrine]]{{q|I believe have resulted in significant rifts. Initially the early Christians spread the good news of Jesus throughout the Roman empire and small congregations of Christians sprang up in many towns. Rome soon became the geographical centre of the church. However, there was a rift between the Church in Greece and the one in Rome that slowly developed over centuries culminating in a schism in what I see1054 AD. Later, feelin sixteenth century, gropChristians in northern Europe split from the Roman church, tease or lickan event known as the [[Reformation]]. The rest is metaphysical crap. Seeing is sizing upToday there seems to be a bewildering array of [[denominations]].Some of the larger ones include [[Roman Catholicism]], the Greek and Russian [[Eastern Orthodox|Isaac Newton|Orthodox]] churches and the wide variety of [[ScienceProtestant]]}}churches.

==<font color ="Blue">Modern Methods of Worship</font>=====Lie Down===[[Image:Carmene.jpg|thumb|left|120px|'''''Position 08'''''Once a Catholic]]{{q|Thou shall not lie without a profit.|God|by [[BusinessTony Coffey]]}}This reqiures a horizontal position (as demonstrated in the picture), prefferably with 15° to 35° tilt of torso and a 30° to 65° bend of one or both knees facing upwards. : The head may be kept in alignment with the body, or swung not more than 45° to any side. Placing hands over the genital and/or one or both breasts church is not prohibiteda building. Keeping the knees at least 19 centimeters apart Nor is highly recommendedit an organisation or human institution. The Softcore School argues for strategic use of sheets, while church is simply the Hardcore School argues for a [[dildo]]people whose sins have been forgiven through their faith Jesus Christ.

===Stand Up===Lenny Bruce[[Image:00618 00390m 122 523lo.jpg|thumb|right|85px|'''''Position 09''''']]{{q|Get up stand up, stand up for your right. Sit down you clown, sit down for your left.|Bob Marley|[[Voodoo]]}}This is the most difficult of all methods of worship, as it requires no bending, sawying, tilting, swinging or nudging. In fact it stands against Every day people are straying away from the all the familiar church and popular activities associated with other methods. Sometimes the worshipper may take take a break going back to perform some bending or tilting (as demonstrated in the picture), but it is generally advised against. Best results are achieved without any use of an outside object, i.e. pubic hair, dildo, nipple-ring, clit-ring, shit/sheet, hard hat, hard on or push-up bra. It is commonly practiced en mass at festivals like [[Springbreak]], [[Mardi Gras]] and [[Carnival]]. Temples of Window in the Holy District of Red Lights feature the most avid practitioners. An expression of orgasmic pleasure and/or pathological pain is optionalGod.

===Stuff In===Charles de Lint[[Image:Panib.jpg|thumb|left|100px|'''''Position 10''''']]{{q|Got any stuff?|Harry Potter|[[Magic]]}}This requires a massive amount of [[silicon]], sometimes up to 11 tonnes, stuffed into the [[boobs]], the holiest of body parts. The result is such that a slip is achieved without trying. In fact, with this method, a slip can not be avoided anywhere for more than 9.2 minutesWhy did men worship in churches, a record established by Saint Spears at some concert or other. But even Saint Spears could achieve that timing only once. Saint [[Pamela Anderson|Anderson]] is locking themselves away in the most famous practitioner of this method. It implies a strong spinal columndark, stronger home videos and cuts into back muscles made by over-taxed bra straps. Many of the practitioners are known to wear dress tops only when the law requires it.world lay beyond its doors in all its real glory?

==<font color ="Blue">Cases against Worship</font>==Robert Short===Dangle Extra===[[Image:3tetas.jpg|thumb|right|80px|'''''Case 01''''']]{{q|[[Me]] three.|Moe|the Three Stooges}}Anyone with more than two tits The church is strongly advised against worship. Any attempt at worship by such people, animals or aliens are strictly prohibited by the law great lost and the church, and stand directly against the will of Saint Lohan. The first and last time it was attempted, at a [[Soccer]] match between [[Manchester United]] and [[Chelsea]] half of the fans/hooligans stormed out of the stadium, and the other half wanted to play, not with the ball out on the field, but with those showcased on the flasher's chest. The following commotion comvinced Saint Lohan and the church that this should be made the primary case against worshipfound department.

===Round Off===Ralph Waldo Emerson[[Image:516 G.sized.jpg|thumb|left|90px|'''''Case 02''''']]{{q|I make like the world go round.|Yoko Ono|Rock n Roll}}Anyone with silence of a hip circumference of more than one meter is strongly advised against worship. Any attempt at worship by such people, animals or aliens are strictly prohibited by the law and the church, and stand directly against before the will of Saint Lohan. Once common among non-believers from [[Palestine]], who never had a hip less service begins better than two meter in circumference, it used to be a popular sport for girls from [[Canada]]. Many of them had made abundant use of silicon to increase hip size. When an Order of Bubble Butts was proposed to the church, it came the notice of Saint Lohan, and was promptly prohibitedany preaching.

===Sprouting Man===George Mueller[[Image:Moogawoogette.jpg|thumb|right|110px|'''''Case 03''''']]{{q|My man, you're a man.|Freddy Mercury|[[Grace Jones]]}}Worship is generally prohibited for men who has sprouted boobs, or are owners of cute bubble butts. This prohibition is laxed only in the case of men who have been admitted into the '''Sisterhood''' and worships only in front of Dragqueens An unvisited church will sooner or in [[Gay Bar]]s. There have been later become an ecclesiastical battle going against [[Church of the Gay Bar]] around this prohibition. The artist formerly known as Prince and David Bowie has been in the forefornt of the movement to demand a sanction of worship for sprouting men. Though the movement is strongly suppoerted by [[Oprah]], it is yet to be ratified by the [[Pope]]unhealthy church.

{{H1|* [[Imagehttp:Boobs//en.gif|30px]wikipedia.org/wiki/Church Wikipedia - Church] Extra}}

==A bullshit collection of banners that don't add any value to the page whatsoever, but it the collection is put together in the belive that nobody really gives a shit about banners at the bottom of the page anyways=={{Insane}}{{Bat Fuck Insane}}{{Ape-Shit Crazy}}{{Some Bullshitreturnto}}[[Christianity]]