13
edits
Changes
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
''Synopsis:'' The Pope is the Catholic bishop and patriarch of RomeFrom Uncyclopedia, and head of the [[Roman Catholicism|Roman Catholic Church]]content-free encyclopedia. In addition Jump to this spiritual role, the Pope is also head of the independent, sovereign [[Vatican City|State of the Vatican City]]: navigation, a city-state entirely surrounded by the city of Rome. The office of the Pope is informally called the Papacy and formally called the Pontificate; his ecclesiastical jurisdiction is called the Holy See (''Sancta Sedes''). Catholics worldwide consider each pope to be [[Jesus]]' representative on Earth. The current Pope is Benedict XVI.search
{{opinions}}For Benedict's solution, see Benedict's solution
==Main article==
The Pope is the head of [[Roman Catholicism|Roman Catholic Church]] and [[Eastern Catholic Churches]]. In addition to this spiritual role, the Pope is also head of the independent, sovereign [[Vatican City|State of the Vatican City]], a city-state entirely surrounded by the city of Rome. Prior to 1870, the Pope's temporal authority extended over a large area of central [[Italy]], a territory formally known as the "Patrimony of St Peter" under the terms of the [[Donation of Constantine]], but more familiar as the [[Papal States]]. The office of the Pope is informally called the [[Papacy]] and formally called the Pontificate; his ecclesiastical jurisdiction is called the [[Holy See]] (''Sancta Sedes''). Catholics worldwide consider each pope to be [[Jesus]]' representative on [[Earth]]. The current Pope is Benedict XVI.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
===Other Popes===The pope is now the official 151st pokemon
An antipope is a person who claims the Pontificate without being canonically and properly elected to it. The existence of an antipope is usually due either to doctrinal controversy within the Church, or to confusion as to who is the legitimate Pope at the time.
===Word origins===For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Pope.Papal candidates typically wear red capes and are capable of subsonic flight, they are also able to destroy condoms using the power of sight alone. Papal candidates often take off at approximately 6:00AM every morning to visit God and find out what he's bitching about this time. Traffic control is handled by angel's who are deemed unfit to serve in the Angel Forces due to their alcoholism and sex-offender status. Upon arriving at Heaven's Gate 16, Papal candidates are directed to a waiting line. Due to long wait times and a 2:00PM closing time (standard across all of Heaven's government services), Papal candidates never find out what God wants, and they make shit up instead.
As early The iPope (as the third century, the Bishop there can only be one of Alexandria exercised a high degree of central control of suffragan Egyptian bishops, in a manner consciously similar them) stands anywhere from four to the jurisdiction eight feet tall. The iPope has six pairs of the Bishop of Rome; the Alexandrian archbishop was given precedence immediately after the Roman pontiff by the [[Council of Nicea]]translucent wings, and adopted eyes the title "Pope size of Alexandriadinner plates (eight inches across exactly). The ipope has pincers on its belly," which still forms an integral part of the titles of the Greek Orthodox "Pope and Patriarch of Alexandria and All Africa" and of can use it's stomach-mouth to subsume prey, as any actual food cannot go into the Coptic "Pope of Alexandria and of the See of Saint Mark the Apostlefalse mouth which it creates."
===Office In recent years, following the implosion of the western world and nature===Mushroom Kingdom after the inauguration of George Bush, the Pope switched sides and has recently found part time employment as the Grand Ayatollah of Iran. The current pope is former soul legend Jackie Wilson (weekends only between 9am-5pm). At all other times the Vatican displays the humorous sign "Gone fishing" with the helpful advice that in cases of emergency one should "Destroy all records of paedophile's stored with the FBI".
The title "Contents [hide]1 Papacity 1.1 Environment 2 Pope" is an informal one; the formal title of the in Deanism 2.1 Pope is "Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, [[Apostolic Succession|Successor]] of : In a nutshell 3 Biography 4 Things the Prince pope enjoys 5 Infallibility 6 The sacred ceremony of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff La Bella Notte 7 The Sausageness of the Universal Church, Patriarch Papacy 8 The Chickeness of the West, Primate of Italy, Archbishop Papacy 9 The Papacy and Metropolitan Sports 10 The Taxidermy theory 11 Pope John Paul v2.0 12 Continuity of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God," although this is rarely seen or used in full (by comparison, the formal title of the Orthodox Papacy 13 The Popemobile 14 The Pope's Hat 15 Discography 16 Feature films 17 The Pope and Patriarch Today 18 Papal Collectives 19 Selection of Alexandria is "Successor of Saint Mark the Apostle, Shepherd of Shepherds, Father of Fathers, Supreme Pontiff of All Metropolitans and Bishops, Judge of the World, and Beloved of Christ", often called the "Ecumenical Judge"; the Coptic a New Pope is styled "20 Futurepope 21 The Pope and Patriarch of the See of Alexandria and of All the Predication of the Evangelist St. Mark"). In canon law he is referred to as the "Roman Pontiff" (''Pontifex Romanus''). The s CV 22 Catching a Pope is styled "Your Holiness" (''Sanctitas Vostra''live) and is frequently referred to as "the Holy Father."23 Super-Pope? 24 Ironic Pope 25 Byronic Pope 26 Pope Eggs 27 Footnotes 28 See also
Contrary to popular belief he played that part as emperor[edit] Pope in Deanism Pope Dean, it is the Pope's ecclesiastical jurisdiction (the Holy See) leader and not his secular jurisdiction (Vatican City) which conducts international relations; for hundreds of years, the Pope's court (the Roman Curia) has functioned as the government founder of the Catholic ChurchDeanism. The name "Holy See" (also "Apostolic See") Pope in Deanism is in ecclesiastical terminology the ordinary jurisdiction of the Bishop of Rome (including the Roman Curia); the a serious Pope's various honours. Ha, powers, and privileges within the Catholic Church and the international community derive from his Episcopate just kidding! The Pope of Rome in lineal succession from the Apostle St. Peter Deanism is always Pope Dean (see Apostolic Successionsomething). Consequently Rome has traditionally occupied a central position in the Catholic Church, although this is not necessarily so. The current Pope derives his Pontificate from being Bishop of Rome but is not obligated Pope Dean Kilpatrickus who will probably die around 2300AD (he may be considered to reside in Rome; according to the Latin formula ubi Papa, ibi Curia, wherever the be a Super-Pope resides is the central government of the Church, provided that the Pope is Bishop of Rome. As such, between 1309 and 1378 the Popes resided not in Rome but in Avignon, a period often called the Babylonian Captivity in allusion to the Biblical exile of Israel (see Avignon Papacybelow). He is sometimes seen watching Have I Got News For You.
Catholic tradition maintains that Pope Kilpatrickus invented the institution of the Pontificate can be found in the [[Bible]]Anti-Anti-Freeze, and cites certain key passages in support of this contention. Chief among these passages which is [[Matthew 16]]:18-19better than Alcohol, wherein Jesus Christ says to [[Apostle Peter|Peter]]:apparently. But it would explain why he speaks slurred.
<blockquote>[edit] Pope: In a nutshell The current iPope, Benedict MMXVI Benedict''"Blessed are yous Predecessor as iPope, Joe Ratze II, Simon Baras depicted on a catholic PR poster in a recent campaign which has picked out the great protestant-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this catholic church war in the 16th century as a central theme Pope Phaseolus XIX after the coronationThe iPope was invented by a man who like to youhave Halloween all the time called God. The iPope is also one of the few people who don't have good christian moral values. iPope DJ David Tennant II O.B.E is the current pope, but My Father Who is in Heavenaka Michael Brennan. And I tell youSirrah!!!!! The iPope, you are Peter or as the French would say, L''("The Rock" derived from Greek)''iPope, is often referred to as Father Ted and on this rock I will build My Churchowns half of Zimbabwe. He is, however, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against unaccountable for it's peoples' safety. And I will give you Muhammad Ali often takes advantage of this fact by taking a Sunday drive through the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven: and whatever you bind on Earth shall be bound in HeavenZimbabwean plains, and whatever you loose on Earth shall be loosed running down all those who stand in Heaven"his way.''</blockquote>When asked for comment on his heinous acts at a recent press conference, The iPope had this to say:
===Status and authority==="I pity the fool, who dare live in my constituency." (This is the believed cause of death for John Lennon)
The Dogmatic Constitution's third chapter, "On the power and character of the primacy of the Roman pontiff," states that (s.1) "the definition of the ecumenical council of Florence, which must be believed by all faithful Christians, namely that the apostolic see and the Roman pontiff hold a world-wide primacy, and that the Roman pontiff is the successor of blessed Peter, the prince of the apostles, true vicar of Christ, head of the whole church and father and teacher of all Christian people," that (s.2) "by divine ordinance, the Roman church possesses a pre-eminence of ordinary power over every other church, and that the jurisdictional power of the Roman pontiff is both episcopal and immediate" and that "clergy and faithful, of whatever rite and dignity, both singly and collectively, are bound to submit to this power by the duty of hierarchical subordination and true obedience, and this not only in matters concerning faith and morals, but also in those which regard the discipline and government of the church throughout the world."
:when the Roman Pontiff speaks The Pope conversing with his Grand Master SauronThe iPope steals baby''ex cathedra'', that s souls and feeds them to God. This is also known as "cot death". The iPope is, when in the exercise of his office as shepherd overlord and teacher master of all ChristiansThe V.A.T (the verily astronomical tax), in virtue the largest form of tax on Earth. In the late 1920s he used the awesome power of his supreme apostolic authoritythe Vatican City, he defines which sports a doctrine concerning faith or morals high 70% tax (spent primarily on silencing outraged shopkeepers) to be held by write his grocery list on the whole churchsun. With this achievement, he possesseswon the rank of pope. However, this caused a chain reaction, by the divine assistance promised to him in blessed Peter, result of which is that infallibility which the divine Redeemer willed His church sun will become a volleyball in 2037 as opposed to enjoy in defining doctrine concerning faith millions or billions of years from now. There is great debate over whether this is a good thing or moralsa bad thing. ThereforeHe has also been known to shoot lasers from his fingertips (which consequently has left him without fingerprints), such definitions of the Roman pontiff are of themselveseyes, and not sometimes his large laser cannon that is carried by his pet bear, Popo. Legendary racist and Irishman the consent of the church, irreformableiPope is proud to be a bigoted backwards hypocrite.
===Political role===Born in 1743 in Westphalenstrassehaussenburgsteinschnellschnellkartoffelkopf, the Pope was a founding member of Germany's National Socialist Party, the NSDAP or Nazi Party for short. His lifelong hatred for Jews and blacks led him inevitably to the Catholic Church where he has made it his mission to spread lies to the ignorant and misery to the poor.
Though the progressive Christianisation of the Roman Empire in the Fourth century did not confer upon bishops civil authority within the state "I see you, you sweaty heathen"His favourite hobbies include sitting on his big throne there, the gradual withdrawal of imperial authority during the 5th century left the Pope the senior Imperial civilian official in Romewearing big hats, as bishops were increasingly directing civil affairs in other cities of the Western Empire. This status as a secular and civil leader was vividly displayed by Pope Leo I's confrontation with Attila in 452 and was substantially increased in 754, when the Frankish ruler Pepin the Short donated to the Pope a strip of territory which formed the core of the so-called Papal States (properly the Patrimony of Ststanding on balconies. Peter). In 800, Pope Leo III crowned He particularly enjoys the Frankish ruler Charlemagne irony that as Roman Emperor, a major step toward establishing what later became known as the Holy Roman Empire; from that date it became the Pope's prerogative to crown the Emperor, a tradition which continued until Emperor Charles V, the last Holy Roman Emperor to be crowned by the Pope (subsequent Emperors never received coronation)notorious anti-Semite, and which was partially revived by Napoléon Bonaparte. As he has been hitherto mentioned, far more fabulous wealth than he could ever count in the Pope's sovereignty over the Papal States ended in 1870 with their annexation by Italyfew remaining years of his life.
In addition to the Pope's position as a territorial ruler and foremost prince bishop of Christendom (especially prominent with the Renaissance Popes like Pope Alexander VI an ambitious if spectacularly corrupt politico, and Pope Julius II, a formidable general and statesman) and as the spiritual head of the Holy Roman Empire (especially prominent during periods of contention with the Emperors, such as during the Pontificates of Pope Gregory VII and Pope Alexander III), the Pope It also possessed a degree pleases him that millions of political and temporal authority black Catholics die in absolute poverty every year while he shits in his capacity as Supreme Pontiffa solid gold crapper. Some of the most striking examples of Papal political authority are the Bull Laudabiliter in 1155 (authorising Henry II of England to invade Ireland)celebrate, the Bull Inter Caeteras in 1493 (leading to the Treaty he has christened their day of Torsedillas in 1494defeat I Have AIDS, which divided the world into areas You Have AIDS Day. The face of Spanish and Portuguese rule) the Bull Regnans in Excelsis in 1570 (excommunicating Elizabeth I of England and purporting to release all her subjects from their allegiance power, unlimited power!He cites getting his mitre signed by Mick McCarthy when he was permitted to her), meet the Bull Inter Gravissimas in 1582 (establishing the Gregorian Calendar)Irish team during Italia '90 as his proudest moment.
===Death or ResignationAmongst his many enemies are numbered Muhammad (a piece be upon him), Binyamin Netanyahu, Confucius, George W. Bush, Siddhartha Gautama, Auntie Poulet, The Rt. Hon. Rev. Dr. Ian Paisley M.P., and election===The Reverend Dr. Sun Myung Moon. However, all of his most embarrassing defeats have come at the hands of The Queen who just cannot help but son The Pope all over the world.
====Death====Many have sought to infiltrate the Vatican City but all have been turned back as it is guarded by an elite squad of Clinjas, and not in fact (as is common belief) by Canadians. The Pope fears only one thing, and that is an auto accident with with the Anti-Pope. If the pope and the Anti-Pope meet, the result will be the total annihilation of both, producing a strong burst of spaghetti noodles. The theory that such a meeting was responsible for the explosion in Tunguska, Siberia in 1908 can safely be dismissed, however. So far CERN has only been able to create very small Anti-Popes (less than 4.71 Ångström tall, including the funny hat). massive erection
The body then lies in state for a number of days before being interred in Do ya know where the crypt of a leading church or cathedral; the Popes of the Twentieth century have all been interred in Stfuck you aaaaaaaaaaaaare!!!Do not piss this man off. You will regret it. Peter's BasilicaIf you do upset him, but it he will excommunicate you. This is expected quite possibly the worst thing that the reigning can happen to a person. Ever. Seriously. The Pope's favorite saying (pointing fingers), Pope John Paul II"Don't hate anyone, will be interred in his native Polandbut I hate Dan Brown". (See also U.S. v. A nine-day period of mourning Pope (novem dialis2049)) follows after the interment of the late Pope.
====Resignation====The Pope requires that everyone be bored once per week, in his honour, on the last day of the week. This is usually achieved using a medieval "mild" torture device entitled Mass. Mass (male), has the capability to bore anyone within 30 seconds of conversation, and cause suicide within 60. Anyone failing to receive at least 40 seconds of Mass per week, will be archived, as will anyone convinced that Monday is not the start of the week.
It was widely reported in June and July 2002 that the The current Pope is Pope Pontificem, which loosely translates into Pope John Paul II firmly refuted the speculation of all Popes, at 15 years old, his resignation using Canon 332, in a letter first act as Pope was to change the Milan daily newspaper ''Corriere della SeraVatican's name into the much more phat The Popes'Peeps.
Nevertheless, 332 §2 has given rise to speculation that either:The Pope is also known for being the owner of the Pope Mobile.
* The current Popes Magical Ring the most sought after piece of the popes wardrobe. "The Magical" ring is what gives the pope his magical powers; IE. His Laser Beam Eyes, and His ability to Fly. If stolen the pope becomes a mortal being once again and who ever posses the Magical "Pope Ring" inherits his magical abilities. The lengthy process to pick the new pope is actually a death match for the Ring, and who ever comes out the winner becomes the new Pope will resign as . However at some point the Pope must travel to Mordor, accompanied by his health failsbest friend, or* A properly manifested legal instrument has already been drawn up that puts Gordon Brown, and drop the ring into effect his resignation in the event fires of Mt. Snowdon, before the evil Lord Devil can get it. The pressure of his incapacity to perform his dutiesbearing such a powerful ring may turn the Pope into a frail old man. Wait a minute...
====Election====[edit] BiographyThe Pope Benedict "Benny" XVI (pronounced 'Ziv-vy') was born on March 16. 1942 and died during a gangster drive-by shooting in August 1988. The tragic murder is by many thought to be fake and that The Pope XVII is in fact alive and well. There are many people who have claimed seeing The Pope in company with such greats as; Tupac,The Side Street Doormats Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson and Ed McDaniel at numerous locations around and near to Shabaaz Liqiuor, Rumor has it that the man himself is still manning the holy bong, along with the righteous cheetos and saintly reruns of "Fat Albert takes one for the team".
The Pope was originally chosen by those senior clergymen resident in and near Rome. In 1059, the electorate was restricted to the Cardinals of the Holy Roman Church, and the individual votes of all Cardinal Electors were made equal in 1179 It's hard out there for a pope. The Pope is usually lives on a member of planet for as long as possible, stealing away the Sacred College of Cardinals, but theoretically any male Catholic most vital resources (including a laymanThe chiva) may be elected; Pope Urban VI was the last Pope who was not already a cardinal at the time of his election. Canon law requires that if a layman or non-bishop is elected, he receives episcopal consecration from the Dean of the College of Cardinals before assuming the Pontificate. Under present canon law, . It combined the Pope is elected by the cardinal electorsDNA it found here with its own, comprising and gave birth to those cardinals who are under creatures up on Death Peak. Eventually the age of 80young must migrate to other planets... to repeat the cycle... It will continue forever.
Traditionally the vote was conducted by acclamationOther pope superpowers are ubiquity, by selection by committee, or by plenary vote. Acclamation was the simplest procedure, consisting entirely of a voice vote, and was last used in 1621. The reigning Pope, Pope John Paul II, has abolished vote by acclamation and by selection by committeetelepathy, inflammability and henceforth all Popes will be elected by full vote of the Sacred College of Cardinals by ballotrockabilly.
The election Teaching of the Pope almost always takes place in the Sistine Chapel, in a meeting called a "conclave" (so called because twenty days after the Pope's death, the present cardinal electors are theoretically locked in, cum clavi, until they elect a new Pope). Three cardinals are chosen by lot to collect the votes of absent cardinal electors (by reason of illness), three pope which are chosen by lot to count the votes, and three are chosen by lot to review the count of the votes. The ballots not infallible are distributed and each cardinal elector writes the name of his choice on it and pledges aloud that he is voting for known as "one whom under God I think ought to be electedpapal bull" before depositing his vote in a large chalice placed on the altar. Each ballot is read aloud by the presiding Cardinal, who then pierces the ballot with a needle and thread, stringing all the ballots together and tying the ends of the thread to ensure accuracy and honesty. Balloting continues until a Pope is elected by a two-thirds majority (since the promulgation of Universi Dominici Gregis the rules allow for a simple majority after a deadlock of twelve days).
One of the most famous parts of the conclave is the means by which the results of a ballot are announced to The Pope himself has placed the world. Once the ballots are counted and bound togetherfollowing self-portrait here here so that all can see his omniscient, they are burned in a special oven erected in the Sistine Chapelomnivorous, with the smoke escaping through a small chimney visible from St Peter's Square. The ballots from an unsuccessful vote are burned along with a chemical compound in order to produce black smoke, or "fumata nera." (Traditionally wet straw was used to help create the black smokeomnipotent, but a number of "false alarms" omni-hatchback greatness in past conclaves have brought about this concession to modern chemistry.) When a vote is successfulits purest, the ballots are burned alone, sending white smoke ("fumata bianca") through the chimney and announcing to the world the election of a new Pope.most idealized form:
Until 1978, It is only after full maturity of the foetus has occured that it has gained the Pope's election was followed in a few days by a procession in great pomp and circumstance from complete physical similarity of the Sistine Chapel to StParent pope. Peter's Basilica, with the newly-elected Pope borne in the sedia gestatoriaThe Vatican is then opened using a Holy can opener. There It is then that the Child Pope was crowned with the triregnum and he gave his first blessing as Pope, the famous Urbi et Orbi ("is permitted to roam the corridors of VAT City [Rome] for a single night in a blood-thirsty lust to hunt down and to consume the World"). Another famed part entrails of the coronation was the lighting Parent Pope in order to seize power of a torch which would flare brightly and promptly extinguish, with the admonition Sic transit gloria mundi Vatican (a ceremony known as "Thus fades worldly gloryLa Notte Sanguinante", a.k.a The Bloody Night). Traditionally, and rule for 2 years until the pope-elect takes process is repeated again, whereupon the Papal oath (the so called "Oath against modernism") at his coronation, but John Paul I and later John Paul II have refused to do socurrent Pope is once again devoured by its own child.
As has been hitherto noted, the Latin term Sede Vacante ("vacant seat") refers to a Papal interregnum, or the period between the death [edit] The Sausageness of the Pope and the election of his successor. From this term is derived the name Sedevacantist, which designates a category of dissident, schismatic Catholics who maintain PapacyFamous conspiracy theorist Tanstaafl theorises that there is no canonically and legitimately elected Pope, and that there is therefore a Sede Vacante; one of the most common reasons for holding this belief is the idea that the reforms of hasn't been since 1987, when aliens, working with the Second Vatican Council Illuminati and especially the replacement of trilateral Bildenbergers, replaced the Tridentine Mass Pope with a large smoked sausage with hands (to wave to the Novus Ordo Missae are heretical, and that, per the dogma of Papal infallibility (see abovecrowds). To date, it this theory is impossible for a valid Pope to have done these thingsaccepted only by Rocket Scientists from the Nebraska area and all Canadians.
===Objections An attempt was made to expose the Papacy===Pope as a chicken. His Holiness was served a tasty McChicken, the idea being that he would abstain from cannibalism. The result of this experiment was that the Pope developed a taste for chicken and since that day he does not eat anything else. Except for the small human children he has for breakfast every day. But, as the Pope have stated in many Easter speeches, that's just for a laugh.
Some non-Catholic Christian denominations, such as the Assyrian Church of His most famous victories came for the EastBoston Celtics in 1765, when he single-handedly won the Oriental Orthodox Church, World Seriesof Soccer for the Eastern Orthodox Church, and Celts by steam-rolling the Anglican Communion, accept the doctrine of Apostolic Successionnon-believers in spectacular fashion, and therefore accept (to varying extents) against the claim that the Pope as successor to St. Peter is heir to Petrine primacy of honour. These churches denyNew Orleans Saints in 1971, however, the claim that the Pope is also heir to Petrine primacy of jurisdiction. Because none of these denominations recognise when he completely man-handled the First Vatican Council as ecumenical, they regard its definitions entire team of Papal jurisdiction and infallibility (and anathematisation of those who do not accept them) as non-bindinggrown crybabies with his sausage hands.
Other non-Catholic Christian denominations do not accept the doctrine of Apostolic Succession, or do not understand it in hierarchical terms, and therefore do not accept the claim that the Pope is heir either to Petrine primacy of honour or to Petrine primacy of jurisdiction. The Papacy's complex relationship with the Roman and Byzantine Empires, and other secular states, and the Papacy's territorial claims in Italy, are another focal point of these objections; as is the monarchical character of the office of Pope. In Western Christianity, these objections — and the vehement rhetoric they have at times been cast in — are products of the Protestant Reformation. These denominations vary from simply not accepting the Pope's authority as legitimate and valid, to believing that the Pope is the Antichrist or one of the beasts spoken of in the Book of Revelation. These denominations tend to be more heterogeneous amongst themselves than the aforementioned hierarchical churches, and their views regarding the Papacy and its institutional legitimacy (or lack thereof) vary considerably.
Some objectors to the papacy use empirical arguments, pointing to the corrupt characters of some of the holders of that office. For instance, some argue that claimed successors to St. Peter, like Popes Alexander VI and Callixtus III from the Borgia family, were so corrupt as to be unfit to wield power to bind and loose on Earth or in Heaven. An omniscient and omnibenevolent God, some argue, would not have given those people the powers claimed for them by the Catholic Church. Defenders of the papacy argue that the Bible shows God as willingly giving privileges even to corrupt men (citing examples like some of the kings of Israel, the apostle Judas Iscariot, and even St. Peter after he denied Jesus). They also argue that not even the worst of the corrupt popes used the office to try to rip the doctrine of the Church from its apostolic roots, and that this is evidence that the office is divinely protected.
==Links==
{{returnto}} [edit] The Taxidermy theoryThe well-known theologian Thomas Aquinas has an alternate theory about the current Pope; namely, that he died some fifteen years ago and has been stuffed by a Bulgarian taxidermist. Although this theory gained widespread acceptance during the later years of the John Paul 2.0 papacy, particularly with the illnesses he had experienced, the speculation ended completely with John Paul 2.0's funeral and burial in 2005. The Pope is the pagan prince of pornographic industries around the world. [edit] Pope John Paul v2.0 Apple's highly anticipated iPope Shuffle, touted by the company as "the next generation of infallible hardware."It is also conjectured that the Pope "sorta" died in 1999 and has become the victim of a plot by Microsoft to rule the world. Rumours spread further after someone heard the mention of 'pope XP ME Special Edition SP2'. This was a major surprise as the second choice of name after pope John Paul 2.0 was pope George Ringo for many years. However, the entire "JPXPMESESP2" project was scrapped after a leak revealed Apple's plans for the iPope, iPope mini, Shuffle and Photo. Microsoft have now begun work on the V(atican)-Box to follow up the unsuccessful X(cruciatingly-crap)-Box. Meanwhile Sony has begun work on the Ratzinger mp3 player to compete with the iPope at a lower price, at only one arm, HALF a leg and a sperm donation. Also since the creation of the iPod Nano, Apple is now trying to create the "iPope Nano" to commemorate John Paul. Fortunately, we now know that the iPope will have more features on it than the iPope Nano. Besides having upgrades making it better than the iPope Nano, it will also use a new iTunes called Pope tunes or pTunes for short. As for the release date, it is currently unknown. [edit] Continuity of the PapacyUpon the Pope's death, when the Pole was invaded by his Nazi successor, his minions gather to pay their respects. After a suitable period of mourning and respect, a huge funeral pyre is kindled and the Faithful dance around the fire in a ritual known as The Stations of the Cross. When the fire dies to smoking embers, a new Pope rises from the ashes of the old. The JP 2.0 Pope was ritually devoured by Benedict XVI in the year 2005. All their tissues were assimilated by the new Pope to create new defensive organs and a copulative appendix that will allow him to lay eggs. The Swiss guard is currently taking care of the spawn. The current pope is Pope Pontificem of No fixed address, it is widely believed that he the college of cardinals was hoodwinked and distracted by a large balloon shaped like Oscar Wilde while the pope AKA Lakshman V. AKA Baron von Baron put on the big red hat and sat on the chair. The cardinals were stunned and were forced to declare him the new pope. This story has been vehemently denied by Pontificem and the Vatican, only leading to further speculation. [edit] The Popemobile The Mon Calamari Popemobile-class concept design.“Where does he get such wonderful toys?” ~ Oscar Wilde on Batman the Pope escaping via grappling hook the Popemobile The official Papal vehicle is an infallible heavily modified (Stolen) Mystery Machine, acquired by the Pope from Frankistan in the 1327 Treaty of Worms. In the case of an emergency, the Popemobile is capable of transforming into a TIE Fighter and a hot dogTTransformer, albeit a very very small one. If the Pope is inside whilst the transformation takes place, he will be crushed and die. Fortunately, it hasn't happened before, because it came with an ejection seat, which shoots the pope out and up 1,000 feet. Aware of the flaws of the current Popemobile, Elvis hired renowned rebel Admiral Allah Ackbar to design a new version of the vehicle. Details about this multi-billion dollar contract are secretive, but it seems that the entire Mon Calamari population has been hired and transfered to an undisclosed location in Area 15 to study Astrology and practice yoga while on crack. The Mon Calamari Popemobile-class will be a far more reliable spaceship than the current Popemobile, with enough shielding to withstand a direct atomic fisting hit and a portal to a pocket dimension where Popes may safely store their child pornography stash. MTV's hit show "Pimp my ride" featured the Popemobile (aka Jokemobile) in episode AS7207506101 (Titled "Pimpin paedo priests") the episode ended in the pope being reunited with his long lost relative, Santa Claus. Santa Claus, is the only of God's children to still survive, and more favoured than Jesus by both God and small children. The Popemobile, after a "pimpover," featured spinning rims with crucifixes on them (which led to the great inverted cross scandal of '68), removed the seats and replaced them with one stool and a giant subwoofer system, the pimp my ride engineers even threw in a copy of "Extreme garage hymn sounds" which featured such hits as "In da vatican" and "Through the mitre." [edit] The Pope's Hat The Pope's hat of choice.The Pope's hat is really HUGE. This is most likely because whoever designed it was mentally retarded. Some people think the hat houses a solar powered, fifty CD changer designed by Coolio and that this is how the Pope gets his daily dose of G.G. Allin. In reality, the hat merely hides the freakish alien parasite that all Popes have attached to their head after their coronation. Directly interfacing with the brain, the parasite is in complete control of the host body. The pope is also thought to have an iGod Nano hidden inside of his hat. [edit] Discography Ceci n'est pas le Pape. Current pope's band. Catollica!The Pope has a cult-like following and has recorded some albums over the years. Although nothing more than rants on how he'd like to rule the universe, the albums still sold moderately well. (If he had toured to support the albums he would have achieved his goals of preventing anal leakage and ruling all way before now.) After his early emerge on the "Church" indie label, he later signed on at Geffen Records. After a series of high-profile media fall-outs with the label over royalties, the Pope had his contract canceled and formed his own independant label. Although more prolific, he is recognised by critics as not reaching the same transcendence as his close friend and colleague, the artist formerly known as God. Trapped in a Confessional (666 B.C.) Praying (And Whiskey) on Sunday (1066) In Nomine (1134) The Gilded Album (1456) Hey, Hey, It's the pope! (1162) The Pope... in a Blue Mood (1164) If the Pope is Wrong, You Don't Want to Be Right (single) (1172) Crusader, featuring Saxon and King Baldwin I of Jerusalem (1187) Sgt. Vatican's Only March Cub Band (1966) Them Featuring The Pope...Blowin' Your Mind! (1966) The Pope At The Gates Of Heaven (Words and music by Syd Barret) (1967) An Almost Fanatical Devotion To The Pope (1969) Live!: From St. Smurfs Basilica in the Land Far Far Away (Mass for the recently deceased) (1975) A Night at the Vatican (feat. Queen) (1975) Sabbath Day, Bloody Sabbath Day (1976) Heaven Calling (1977) Cocaine on the membrane and other true stories from the Pope (Comedy album) 1979 Pope Zeppelin 3 An Evening with The Pope (1981) An Audience with the Pope, featuring a duet with Cecil (1982) Master Of "Pope"tts (1986) Reign in Blood (1986) Eternal Salvation (Is Just a Heartbeat Away) (1987) The Sausage Polka and other Pork-Related Polka tunes (1988) Talk About Pope Music (1989) Rust In Pope (1990) Urban Hymns (1996) Whiskey In the Pope: A tribute to Thin Lizzy (1997) Der Erste Papstkrieg: Sturm und Drang (The First Pope War: Storm and Struggle) (1998) The Eternal Soul Sessions (1999) A Novel Methodology to Knock Out Supermodels (2000) Popein' Ain't Easy (Spoken Word) (2005) The Pope, Live From Vatican Square (2005) The Pope, The Lost Years 1134 - 1962 (2005) Movie Soundtrack from The Pope vs. The Predator (2000) Movie Soundtrack from Viva La Pope (2001) God Hats Us All (2001) Movie Soundtrack from Pope on a Hot Tin Roof (2002) I gots a big fuckin' hat, what you got sucka'? (2003) The Pope Smokes Dope (David Peel) (1972) Ministry of Morality Ibiza '05 Hard Trance Beats (2005) Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's The Pope (2004) Dope Pope (2005) The Pope's Evening With Your Mom (2002) Rock Against Satan v.1 (2002) Rock Against Satan v.2 (2003) The Pope Unplugged: Various Noises Made While Off His Respirator (2005) Pope Rock - Live At The Dock (Bootleg) 2005 The Pope: Truth From Under The Robe (Spoken Word) (2005) Condemnation/Salvation (double-album) (2005) 99 Problems but the Papacy ain't one (2006) Death to all Jews (duo with Mel Gibson) (Christmas 2006 number 1) Pope A (2007?) Pope Leviticus the 4th (2020-2102) [edit] Feature films- A biographical action movie set around the life of the Pope is set to be released within one month of when you read this page. The film's title has been confirmed as Pope on a Rope, and depicts his attempt in early 2001 to militarize the Vatican in order to enact a new Crusade to France. This film will supposedly include things exploding in the Vatican City, randomly and for no purpose, a dramitization of the real life papal ninjas, and a climactic gunfight between the Pope and an unskilled character actor, which culminates in the Pope turning himself into communion wafers and flying away, a generic ability of anything Jesus-esque according to the Catholic Church. [edit] The Pope Today Ratzinger displays his personal Bible.Currently, after the "death" of JP 2.0, the spirit of the Pope has taken residence in a Caucasian pineapple Robot known as Pope Ted. While Jerusalem has eaten meat since his appointment as Ruler of the Vatican, he has taken on the title of "The Dread Pope". The Dread Pope has already made many decrees for the improvement of the universe, the first replacing the outdated and now meaningless, "Amen" with the far more appropriate, and far more tennis-like "bong". Although the rightful ruler of his pants, the Pope's inherently gay nature has forced the "powers that be" to install a meat-sock Pope until the universe is ready to eat the almighty Dread Pope. As the true Pope, Ted is not without devout friends and followers. In the True Vatican the Pope is guarded by his 1-UP mushrooms, The Omnipotent Seven, Erik, the robot Viking, a host of Magicians, and moofoo. In May 2006 the pope controversially said that god did not exist but defended his statement as "it was just to shut the god damn atheists up" the pope went on to say that god does exist after a lightning storm began to constantly circulate around his head. As of July, 6 2006 there were only 2,000 counterfeit popes left in circulation. You can tell they are not the real deal by their love for the rock band, The Eagles and their overall jolliness. The counterfeit amount drastically dropped after Santa Claus' 2005 crackdown. Half of the 1,000 of the counterfeit popes captured by Claus are working as elves in his workshop, while the other half have been given a grant by the US Federal Government to start another steady flow of Kiss albums. Recently the current pope, Emperor Benedict Palpatine , A.K.A. the Nazi pope, has announced plans to fight a title match with Darth Allah. This may well result in the end of the universe, as prophesied by the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Also, the Pope enjoy long walks on the beach and strap-on action. [edit] Papal Collectives "Koran? Ha! This is breakfast."There are several leaders with the title of Pope (see also Anti-Pope). There is, however, no collective noun for popes. Curiously, though, the papal adjective "popalicious" is in the running for the most popular pope themed word ever. Delicious Popes frown on its use, however. [edit] Selection of a New PopeThe Pope is an immortal entity, capable of chemically transmitting its memories and powers to it's progeny. He is gifted with a unique and divine form of reproduction, budding. Any given Pope may be seen wearing various size hats, although invariably this hat grows larger as the Pope approaches the end of his reign. It is underneath these hats that a new Pope festers and swells. From the cranium of the current Pope buds an amorphic clone. This Pope develops at variable rates, but come time for succession, it falls off and begins to take shape. Always has this mass chosen the shape of an elderly man, similar to the Pope. Furthermore, the new Pope devours the brain and heart of the old Pope to gain sustenance and knowledge for his ascension as the new Pope. In this manner, the Pope is an immortal being. This also explains where so many 10 ft. tall men come from. However, if you are strong enough to defeat the ultra super mega pope in an arm wrestling match, you instantly become the new ultra super mega pope, and the previous one will vanish into thin air, never to be seen again. In truth, the Pope is absorbed into the skin of the armwrestler-ee, who then slowly becomes obsessed with his own popeness. Pope related Theories: Rumour has it that the Pope is made only of ice. This theory was quickly disproved when the pope was seen relaxing near a collection of lit candles. This encouraged a new theory that the Pope is made of fire: This theory has yet to be proven incorrect. A slightly overweight lesbian described the Pope as a "Queer bashing Homophobe who likes to make love to his teddies", the Pope's emphatic response to this was published in the Wall street Journal of 1982, "Go have a shave, you butch muff diver".]] This is actually true. The Pope then was seen to devour the lesbian, subsuming her essence into his own. [edit] Futurepope "Now that we spoke about the election of the pope, it's time we start bashing for the new pope" thought some people of VNV Nation, and, always eager to destabilize our community and religion, started advocating their Futurepop-e... Poor Goth kids... Since everyone in the world can agree that pope benny is evil, a facebook group has been started with a new promising representative to run for popehood. Please check the link if you are interested. ( [1] ) [Roman Catholicismedit]The Pope's CV Name: Penis Smudge Qualifiations : GCSE R.E Grade U International Diploma in Pimping Science grade A* Awards: Lord of the rings fanclub, most avid fan Talking blocks society, award for least factuall belief system An Emmy (Anyone can win one) Best Pimp on the west side 2003, 2005 Guniness World record holder for most chainsaws ingested in one miunite at 0, and smallest penis at 2.3mm. Interests: clubing clubing seals getting high (thats what all the smoke is out of the popehouse Pimping Taking advanage of pissed women Gang-Bangs Employment History 1989-2003 mcdonalds Burger Fliper grade 1 1986-1989 ASDA carrier bag person 1984-1986 Premiership Footballer [edit] Catching a Pope (live) The most important thing to remember when hunting Pope is to bring proper equipment. Pack lightly, as they are spry, fast moving creatures and you will have to be able to keep up with them. Their favorite food is barbecue chips, so bring some of those. But don't put them in the same bag as the 12 year old children. Your prey will want them unspoiled and horny for "private Bible study". Also, be sure you have your Mouse Trap game, because if he gets caught by that, he deserves whatever you give to him. [edit] Super-Pope? There have been rumours surfacing recently, that the Pope, or Super-Pope, as he is known in some circles, has the ability to fly. This subject has caused much tension between both Catholics and the Super-Pope Fanclub. Though this subject has never been officially confirmed or denied, it is widely believed that Super-Pope flies due purely to the magic staff that he carries when in the Vatican. He, supposedly, shouts 'Pope Away', and is often seen by local Italian Hillbillyieos (Italian Hillbillies) flying though the night sky. It was once rumoured that he would shout 'Pot Pourri', but this phrase has little to do with the Flight of the Pope (also a movie in pre-production) and more to do with the Pope's deodorant. This quote of 'Pot Pourri', was often questioned by the residents of the Vatican, until (again, allegedly) one of the Cardinals explained that Pot Pourri, is essentailly like buggery, just more Super-Pope orientated. Though this is widely doubted. The identity of Super-Pope was recently confirmed to be Pope Dean Kilpatrickus (The Truth Be Told!) Pope Palpatine displays his unlimited power in front of a crowd at the Vatican.[edit] Ironic PopeAn official papal title used by the sect of Cheesecakeism founded by Bernard Joseph Quill early in the sixth year of the second millenium. Using the mystical ancient writings of the Messianic Chef, known only as The Baker he established set up a genealogy of Popes, titled Ironic Pope's or -IPOPEs- to rule over the Cheesecake Empire. According to page 5636 of the Manifesto of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc, a pope is "all blessed individuals who, have been honoured with ascendancy, along every single man, woman, and child on this Earth who await their chance." The first officially honoured -IPOPE- of the Church, was Quill, whom granted himself the title of Primordial -IPOPE- Alpha Prime on the 2nd of February 2006. Following his ascendancy, a massive spew of officiated Popes have followed, each with varying degrees of importance and honour, displayed in their -IPOPE- title's. In actual fact the Ironic Pope's of the Cheesecake Religion have no officiated power as such. The title of Pope is merely an honorary one, bestowed upon any individual whom has performed some great task in service of the Church, or for Cake lovers anywhere. To receive the title of Pope or the official spelling -IPOPE-, one does not necessary have no be a part of the Church, although it is generally the case. While having no genuine powers over the direction, or politics of the Church, the Ironic Pope's are blessed with varying degrees of diverse honorary powers. These such powers ere not necessarily enumerated in the Manifesto, although we are given some idea from a note in Chapter V Section II verse 8, where it is stated that "An -IPOPE- is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities." Some Cheesecakeians have also taken it upon themselves to further elaborate upon the powers of an -IPOPE-. On the back of some printings of the "Manifesto of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc", the following message can be found: "The rights of an -IPOPE- include but are not necessarily limited to: To invoke infallibility at any time, including retroactively. To completely rework the Hestia church. To baptise, bury, and marry (with the permission of the deceased in the latter two cases). To ex-communicate, de-ex-communicate, re-ex-communicate, and de-re-ex-communicate (no backsies!) both his-/her-/it-/them-/your-/our-/His-/Her-/It-/Them-/Your-/Our-self/selves and others (if any). To perform all rites and functions deemed inappropriate for a Pope of Cheesecakia." The third right (requiring permission from the deceased in cases of burying or marriage, but not baptism) may be an ancient pre-reference to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints practice of baptism for the dead. This understanding of the notion of -IPOPE- has far reaching consequences in Cheesecakeism. For example, the introduction to The Divine Cookbook says, "Only an Ironic Pope may canonize a Saint. ‘’So you can ordain yourself & anyone or anything else a Saint." The last enumerated right of an Ironic Pope may be an allusion to the necessary and proper clause.’’ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [edit] Byronic PopeThe Byronic Pope is a personality personified in the ever popular poem Pope Walks in Beauty. The Byronic Pope is described as being/having conflicting emotions, bisexual tendencies, or moodiness self-critical and introspective struggles with integrity a distaste for social institutions and social norms being an exile, an outcast, or an outlaw has "dark" attributes not normally associated with Jesus struggle with sexual identity (homosexual, sleeps with many women, etc.) a lack of respect for rank and privilege a troubled past being cynical, demanding, and/or arrogant often self-destructive loner, often rejected from society This just in!! The pope is actually a stupid, old man, with a ugly hat... And yet he's smart enough to control the even stupider catholic herds. [edit] Pope Eggs Yeah, Thats Right, Bitch! I'm An Ostrich Emu!Prior to Pope Benedict XVI, it was unknown that popes are actually capable of laying eggs. The Catholic church denies it fervently, but the truth is out there. Pope Benedict XVI, may be an ostrich emu. It is also commonly known that ostriches emus lay eggs and huffed kittens. But this picture, taken by a secret photographer, clearly shows how ostriches emus are not good mothers. Eggs Benedict.[edit] Footnotes↑ nota male: not the beast – that would be totally misleading!This is a foot note. Its eating ur foot right now. Pope Benedict would approve. [edit]See alsoDr. Phil Fark: The group against the Pope The Huge Entity Pope Pontificem The Artist Formerly known as the Artist Formerly known as Prince Giuseppe Verdi Weapons of Mass Destruction The Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc Cocaine Ratzinger Z Mormon revolt Ironic Pope Grimace Atonement Special Edwin Goodstaller Chopra DCXLIII BUHHDA Emperor Palpatine UnNews:Papal proclamation to procure profit for prophet UnNews:Vatican decries "Miracle Bra" Does the pope shit in the woods?
no edit summary
----__TOC__{{topics}}* [[Popes Index]]* [[Peter and the Papacy]]* {{news}}** [[Catholic World Youth Day 2005: One million attend open-air mass with Pope]]** [[Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger selected as the new Pope (April 19)]]** [[The pope undergoes a tracheotomy due to worsening respiratory failure secondary to the "flu"]]** [[Pope John Paul II dies (April 2, 2005)]]---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The heads 'Pope (or as the French call him Le Pope) The Pope is selected from a collection of really ancient members of the [[Coptic Church]] and clergy, based on his ability to sexually restrain himself in the [[Eastern Orthodox Church presence of Alexandria]] are also called "Popes" for historical reasonsaltar boys, with which is why there can be only one at any given time. Over the former being called "'''Coptic Pope'''" or "'''Pope of Alexandria'''" and years, the latter called "'''Pope and Patriarch number of Alexandria Papal candidates has been dropping due to abstinence from procreation, proving that evolution does exist and All Africathat God doesn'''"; the parallel construction "'''Pope of Rome'''" is uncommon but occasionally usedt.
The word "Pope" iPope is derived from an anthropomorphic personification of all the Greek word ''pappas'' ("father") and was originally used fear in an affectionate sense of any priest or bishop the world (in the exact same way that modern priests are addressed as "Father"Antichrist). In the 4th and 5th centuries, ''pappas'' (Latinized as ''papa'', a form still preserved in Spanish and Portuguese was still frequently used The iPope comes into existence when one of any bishop in the West, although it gradually came to be increasingly restricted to its modern, exclusive use by Old Ones sacrifices itself for the Bishop ill of Romemankind. In the EastThis, especially in Greece and Russiaunfortunately, priests are still referred to as ''pappas''happens all too often.
[edit] PapacityThe Pope's signature common factor in all kinds of papacities is usually in the format "''NN. PP. x''" (''e.g.''sense of autosufficiency, [[Pope Paul VI]] signed his name as "Paulus PP. VI"), and his name implying that the definition of pope is frequently accompanied in inscriptions by the abbreviation "Pontone uplifting the sense of autosufficiency, f. Maxex." or "P.M." (abbreviation of through silently repeating: I'm the ancient title ''Pontifex Maximus''Best, literally "Greatest Bridge-maker", but usually translated "Supreme Pontiff")because only I think like me. [1] The signature concept of Papal bulls papacity is customarily ''NN. Episcopus Ecclesia Catholicae'' ("NN. Bishop of subdivided into at least two subconcepts, namely the Catholic Church")Christian papacity, while the heading is ''NN. Episcopus Servus Servorum Dei'' ("NN. Bishop and Servant of the Servants of God")Discordian papacity, then ignoring the latter title dating to so trivially obvious concepts of major popes like the time of [[Pope Gregory I]] ''ones on the Great''political scene, and minor popes that everybody have experienced f.ex. Other titles used in some official capacity include ''Summus Pontifex'' ("Highest Pontiff")their work as obstacles to real achievements. The discordian papacity concept is discussed more in detail in the article of Discordia, ''Sanctissimus Pater'' and ''Beatissimus Pater'' ("Most Holy Father" major and "Most Blessed Father")minor popes under their respective article – this article is about the Christian pope, ''Sanctissimus Dominus Noster'' ("Our Most Holy Lord"), and, in AKA the [[Middle Ages|Mediaeval period]], ''Dominus Apostolicus'' ("Apostolic Lord")iPope.
[edit] EnvironmentThe Pope's official residence is the Palace of iPope lives in a dimension only partially connected with this world, known as the Vatican, and he also possesses a summer palace at Castel Gandolfo (believed to be situated on the site of the ancient city-state Alba Longa). Historically This land is created by the official residence of the Pope was the Lateran PalaceiPope, donated by the Roman Emperor Constantinus Ias are all "creatures" that live there. The former Papal summer palaceiPope acts like a spider in this sense, casting it's web out through the Quirinal Palace, has subsequently been the official residence of the Kings of Italy and Presidents of the Italian Republicworld for creatures which to feed on.
The status and authority of the Pope in the word Catholic Church was dogmatically defined by the First Vatican Council in its Dogmatic Constitution of the Church is actually a derivative of Christ (July 18, 1870)cat lick i. The first chapter of this document is entitled "On the institution of the apostolic primacy in blessed Peter", and states that (se.1) "according 'to the Gospel evidence, lick a primacy of jurisdiction over cat'. This has led many to speculate that the whole church of God was immediately and directly promised pope is addicted to the blessed apostle Peter and conferred kitten huffing, though he is on him by Christ the lord" and that (s.6) "if anyone says that blessed Peter the apostle was not appointed by Christ the lord record as prince of all the apostles and visible head of the whole church militant; or that it was a primacy of honour only and not one of true and proper jurisdiction that saying he directly and immediately received from our lord Jesus Christ Himself: let him be anathema"never inhaled."
The Dogmatic Constitution's second chapter, "On the permanence of the primacy iPope is 299 years of blessed Peter in the Roman pontiffs"age, states that (s.1) "that which our lord Jesus Christ [...] established in the blessed apostle Peter [...] must of necessity remain forever, by Christ's authority, in the church which, founded as it is upon with a rock, will stand firm until the end standard deviation of time," that (s8.3) "whoever succeeds to the chair of Peter obtains by the institution of Christ Himself, the primacy of Peter over the whole church", and that (s.5) "if anyone says that it is not by the institution of Christ the lord Himself (that is to say, by divine law) that blessed Peter should have perpetual successors in the primacy over the whole church; or that the Roman pontiff is not the successor of blessed Peter in this primacy: let him be anathema."
The powers of the Pope are defined by the Dogmatic Constitution (ch.3, s.8) such that "he iPope is the supreme judge of the faithful, not human and that in all cases which fall under ecclesiastical jurisdiction recourse may be had chooses his next body to assimilate when his judgement" and that "current one dies. He always chooses old incontinent men for easy assimilation through the sentence of the apostolic see (than which there is no higher authority) is not subject to revision by anyone, nor may anyone lawfully pass judgement thereupon" (canbowel area. 331 defines the power of When between bodies the Pope as "supreme, full, immediate and universal ordinary power in the Church, looks something like a cross between a badger and he can always freely exercise this power"). It also dogmatically defined (ch.4, s.9) the doctrine of Papal infallibility, sca Commodore 64. such that
In 1984 The current regulations regarding a Papal interregnum -- i.e., a Sede Vacante "vacant see" -- were promulgated by John Paul II in his 1996 document Universi Dominici Gregis. During the Sede Vacante, the Sacred College of Cardinals, composed of the Pope's principal advisors and assistants, is collectively responsible for the government of the Church and of the Vatican itself, under the direction of the Cardinal Chamberlain; however, canon law specifically forbids the Cardinals from introducing any innovation in the government of the Church during the vacancy of the Holy See. Any decision that needs the assent of decreed the Pope has to wait until a new Pope has been elected and takes officeFour Neon Virtues.
The Pope's death shows no remorse, because he is officially determined by also the Cardinal Chamberlain by gently tapping the late Pope's head thrice with a golden hammer immortal love child of King Kong and calling his birth name three timesElvis. A doctor may or may not have already determined that the The Pope had passed away. The Cardinal Chamberlain then retrieves the Fisherman's Ring. Usually the ring is on the Pope's right handover 10 feet tall. But with Paul VI, he had stopped wearing the ring during He can inhale the last years vacuum of his reignspace with no problem, and left it in has done so on several occasions, although his desk(now archived) mom did not approve. In other cases the ring might have been removed for medical reasons. The Chamberlin cuts the ring in two in the presence of the Cardinals. The deceased PopeHis laser beam eyes can puncture a man's seals are defacedheart from 25 meters, to keep the Popeand his laser feet can penetrate a woman's seal pancreas from ever being used again, and his personal apartment 50. His hands are fully interchangeable with any weaponry he comes across. He is sealedcold to the touch.
The Code of Canon Law [http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P16.HTM 332 §2] states, ''If it happens that most ferocious weapon deployed by the Roman Pontiff resigns his office, it Pope is required for validity that the resignation is made freely and properly manifested but not that it is accepted by anyoneVatican Boys Punishment Squad who follow his every ferocious papal command.''
[edit] Things the pope enjoys The Second Council of Lyons was convened on May 7Pope rocks out his favourite Pantera hit Cowboys from Hell"Changing his name Wearing J-String Watching Desperate Housewives (not the TV show, the real thing!!) Dissecting cats, 1274dogs, to regulate horses and other animals. Eating young children (with the election help of Michel Jack's son) Participating in the Pope. This Council decreed that World Wrestling Championship Drinking bottles of Pepto-Bismol Posing for PLAYGAY Knocking on people's doors then running away Playing with fire Sucking 40's at 48 speed Drawing on Oompa Loompas' faces while they sleep Not wearing underwear while he preaches Kitten Huffing Hoarding all of the cardinal electors must meet within ten days TMX (Tickle Me Extreme) Elmos and cuddling with them at night Sucking on toes Spooning Castrating your gymnasium Undressing Ken Dolls in his room when he's alone Bacterial vaginosis Personal freedom from sin Looking at edited pics of the Popehis face Amazing Grace Mormons Pwning sum n00bz, lololol. ROFLcopter! Lighting bag's deathof flaming poo on the doorsteps of other Religious Leaders. Double Penetration Porn The Television X 10-minute preview Smoking PCP His Penis hat Prostitutes! Doing Your mom LOUD Black Metal music e.g. Slayer, Behemoth, Children of Bodom, Gorgoroth etc Rockin' out to Pantera all day and all night Miami Vice sex scandals Partying with Wayne and that they must remain in seclusion until Garth Riding on the train without a Pope has been elected; this was prompted valid ticket and not getting caught by the threeticket inspector Doing donuts in the Popemobile Eating donuts in the Popemobile PWNING your mom in the Popemobile Eating hookers in the Popemobile Doing hookers who are eating donuts in the Popemobile Doing Your mom in the Popemobile Eating Donuts shaped like hookers doing Your mom in the Popemobile Taking his Popemobile in for an M.O.T. The number 666 Sleeping in on a Sunday morning Seven ants. No more, no less. Doing my ex-year Sede Vacante following wife Pushing Little Children With His Fully Automatic He likes to push the weak around Watching the death of lawn burn His iPope A clearly drunken Pope Clement escapes from his personal Jet, The SkyPope IV , after an extended communion sessionPiña Colada Getting caught in the rain The company of Michael Jackson at night Beer, tequila, coke and many, many hooker nuns Pwning Mexicans in 1268. By the midPopemobile Sharing Jesus-Sixteenth centuryjuice with little boys Drinking Jesus-Juice Getting drunk by drinking wine out of the Holy Grail Playa' hating on god Square Dancing The Electric Slide Following the hawk Playing Holy Craps Having naked pillow fights with nuns Having naked pillow fights with the priests Rubbing holy oil over himself and rolling in the grass Peeing in the holy water Playing hide and seek in the confession boxes Egging people while he is driving in the pope mobile Taking a bath in the holy water Being a hooker's "savior" Encouraging young children to cut themselves in the shape of the cross Getting killed by that butt ugly guy from "Sin City" Drinking all the holy wine, then using the electoral process had more or less evolved into its present formfont as a bidet. Congregating with his minions Doing Altar boys Teabagging Playing "Psychobilly Freakout" on Guitar Hero 2 Ten second naps while preaching. The Penis Song. Crumpin' [edit] InfallibilityThe Pope is widely held to be infallible. This caused a minor schism in the church when, allowing for alteration in 1307, he stated "I am not the time between Pope." Approximately 3,000,021 people have an active wish to do the death of same thing, that is, to not be the Pope and the meeting . 2,897,301 of the cardinal electorsthem would first inform a Cardinal that he was, in fact a superhuman.
--Image missing--The Dean of image could not be found.There was a problem displaying the College of Cardinals then asks image. The person who attempted to place the successfully elected Cardinal two solemn questionsimage failed to do so. First One might say he asks, or she was fallible. "Do you freely accept your election?" If he replies having naked pillow fights with the word "Accepto," his reign as Pope begins at that instant, not at the coronation ceremony several days afterward. The Dean then asks, nuns"By what name shall you be called?" The new Pope then announces the name he has chosen for himself (starting in 535, the Pope has customarily chosen a new name for himself during his Pontificate; the names are not based on any system other than general honorifics, and have been based on immediate predecessors, mentors, and political similarity).
The new Pope is led through the "Door of Tears" to can also fly, eat a dressing room in which three sets of white Papal vestments ("immantatio") await: literally small, medium, and large. Donning the appropriate vestments and re-emerging into the Sistine Chapellive mnkey whole, the new Pope is given the "Fisherman's Ring" by the Cardinal Camerlegno, whom he either reconfirms or reappoints. The Pope run faster then assumes a place of honor as the rest of the Cardinals wait in turn to offer their first "obedience" ("adoratio"), and to receive his blessinglocamotive.
[edit] The senior cardinal deacon then announces sacred ceremony of La Bella NotteIt is also believed that the Pope reproduces every 2 years asexually in a special ceremony known as "La Bella Notte" (The Beautiful Night), in which a foetus-like entity hatches and bursts violently from a balcony over St. Peterspecial pouch deep within the Pope's Square abdomen, and then is carefully placed by cardinals in a customised hyperbaric chamber deep within a metal vat/can entitled the following proclamation: Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum! Habemus Papam! ("I announce Vatican, to you be raised on a great joy! We have a Pope!")diet of heathen blood.
[edit] The Chickeness of the Papacy
Many eyewitnesses have stated that the Pope is in fact a chicken. It is not known why the church has elected to go for a small bird as their earthly leader. What is known is that the cardinals do their best to hide the true nature of the Pope with large covering of clothes. In past times, all popes were plucked to make it easier to hide the truth, but in later years, the Popes have been reluctant to go through this painful procedure. As a result, telltale feathers have been accidentally displayed in public. Also, at least one cardinal has choked to death on one of them.
[edit] The Papacy and SportsThe Pope's position as Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church is dogmatic also well known in taking part in sporting events. His favorites are baseball and football, and therefore not open to debate or dispute within the Catholic Church; the First Vatican Council anathematised all who dispute the Pope's primacy occasional cricket. He wins every single one of honour and of jurisdiction (it is lawful to discuss the precise nature of that primacyevents he participates in, provided eliminating any competition that such discussion does not violate the terms of the Council's Dogmatic Constitution). However, the Pope's authority is not undisputed outside the Catholic Church; these objections differ threatens his reign with his laser beams from denomination to denomination, but can roughly be outlined as (1.) objections to the extent of the primacy of the Pope; and (2.) objections to the institution of the Papacy itselfhis fingertips.
