Changes

{{Infobox_Contents | topic_name = ChristmasFrom Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia[[Image:Nativity scene.jpg|thumb|center|The nativity scene]] |Jump to: navigation, search subtopics = [[Christmas carols]]* [[Birth of Jesus Loves This ArticleThe Jee Man Himself has Shown]], in His infinite Wisdom[[Matthew 2]], that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this article and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin. [[Luke 2]] |opinion_pieces = {{short_opinions}} * [[Christmas (carm)]] |}}

Thi$ arti¢£€ wa$ writt€n b¥ '''Christmas''' (or '''Christmas Day''') is an annual [[Christian]] holiday that celebrates the [[birth of Jesus]]. It is traditionally celebrated on December 25th by most Christian; in the [[Eastern Orthodox Church]] it celebrated on January 7. It is a ¢apita£i$ttime when peace and goodwill are especially called for, and a time when Christians remember that [[God]] came down as a frail human, to save us from our [[sin]]. Christmas has many aspects, both religious and secular, including the exchange of gifts, Santa Claus (or Father Christmas), decoration and display of the Christmas tree, and church services remembering [[Jesus]].

“In The name of the Free Worldholiday is sometimes shortened to Xmas because Roman letter "X" resembles the Greek letter Χ (chi), I own the template!!” an abbreviation for Christ (Χριστός).

Official corporate logo for Christmas. Teh Santa Cat noes waht joo want 4 xmas!!!1! Christmas There are numerous predictions about Jesus' birth in the American way.Christmas is a public holiday celebrating discounts at Wal Mart. All cultures have a midwinter festival[[Old Testament]], but Christians wanted their own name for their ritual whereby they honor particularly in the glory [[Book of Isaiah]]. The story of parking his birth is told in parking lots gospel accounts of [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] ([[Matthew 2|chapter 2]]) and standing in lines. It is also the only time [[Gospel of the year when rape is considered legal, as long as it performed under a mistletoeLuke|Luke]] ([[Luke 2|chapter 2]]).

Contents [hide]1 The Celebration of Christmas 2 What is the true meaning of Christmas? 3 Replacement with "Holiday" 4 X====Pre-Mas 5 Is Christmas losing its Commercial Christian origins? 6 Santa Claus: Democrat or Republican? 7 Who is this so called Santa Claus and is he really watching us?? 8 See Also of holiday====

[edit] Christmas has its origins in several pagan holidays. The Celebration celebration known as Saturnalia included the making and giving of small presents (saturnalia et sigillaricia). This holiday was observed over a series of days beginning on December 17 (the birthday of Saturn) and ending on December 25 (the birthday of ChristmasDevout Christians celebrate Christmas with Sol Invictus, the same rituals every year"unconquered sun"). They gather together The combined festivals resulted in a nicean extended winter holiday season. Business was postponed and even slaves feasted. There was drinking, cozygambling, warm SUVand singing, and drive to a parking lot, where they celebrate nudity was relatively common. It was the joy "best of squeezing into a parking spot while screaming at pedestrians who are in their way. They then run around the storedays, attempting " according to buy as many things as possible before the store closes at midnight on Christmas Eve. After they finish buying as much as possible, they go back to their houses and eat turkey, along with drinking alcohol. They also present Christmas cardspoet Catullus.

There is no real standard for During the kindtime in which Christianity was spreading throughout the Roman Empire, amountanother similar religion known as Mithraism was also gaining widespread acceptance. The followers of Mithraism worshipped Mithras, or number a god of Christmas gifts presented; the only real requirement is that one's credit card balances must have gone up by at least 165% Persian origin, who was identified with at least one card maxed outSol Invictus. If the giver hasn't achieved thisThe followers of Mithraism, consequently, then obviously adopted the giver doesn't love any birthday of Sol Invictus as the people on his Christmas list and will die horribly alone and unloved in returnbirthday of Mithras. Remember: bankruptcy = love at Christmastime. They then gather around a Christmas tree (typically made In 274 AD, due to the popularity of cardboard or plastic) and sing Christmas songsMithraism, classic holiday tunes such Emperor Aurelian designated December 25 as "Every kiss begins with Kay," "Snap Crackle & Pop", and the holiday classic, "Welcome to Chili's". Also, people sometimes decorate their homes with bright Christmas lights, usually ones guaranteed to cause seizures. As part festival of the Christmas cheer, these lights are put up before thanksgiving and are left on until mid-JuneSol Invictus.

[edit] What is the true meaning ====Christian origins of Christmas?"The true meaning of Christmas is going on shopping sprees and watching washout celebrities sing badly on T.V.", says an expert on the holiday, "But some don't see that. I, and many other Christians, am greatly concerned by the increasing tendency to honor the birth of Christ on this day. Don't you people know what Christmas is all about? It's all about wrapping paper, gift bags, parking lots, and discount prices!!!" ====

"What Christmas The idea that December 25 is all about" is a common theme Jesus' birthday was popularized by Sextus Julius Africanus in literature and artsChronographiai (221 AD), an early reference book for Christians. This identification did not at first inspire feasting or celebration. In 245 AD, the animated holiday classic A Charlie Brown Christmas, theologian [[Origen]] denounced the main character, Charlie Brown, is depressed because he believes Christmas is too religious, and wants to know what Christmas is really all about. At idea of celebrating the end, birthday of Jesus "as if he finds out, when his friend makes were a touching speech, quoting from a Wal-Mart catalogue: king pharaoh."'50% off on all holiday items!!!! Don't miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!!!!!!!!!!!'. That's what Christmas is all aboutOnly sinners, Charlie Brown!" Charlie Brown and his friends then go to a McDonald's togethernot saints, to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. In actuality, the true meaning of Christmas was the birth of Santa Claus. Of coursetheir birthdays, all the preachers and clergymen like to bullshit people with all this biblical crap about Jesus and Christmas being related. Assholes..Origen contended. What do they know?

[edit] Replacement with "Holiday" The card market changed to be more Generic There were Christmas celebrations in their cards, celebrating "Holidays" now insteadThe Supreme Court has officially declared Christmas to be defunct Rome as early as we all now celebrate 'Holiday'336 AD. The event is popular for celebrating December 25 was added to the birth of "Generic, nameless savior and/or prophet,", calendar as well as the glory of "Intelligent, all-powerful being." Holiday is one of the most popular celebrations a feast day in the United States today350 AD.

[edit] X-Mas====Medieval Christmas is also called X-mas by fans of the X-Men, who celebrate the day as "International X-Men Day". They believe that Jesus was in fact a superhero. The Bible confirms this, listing such superpowers as healing, foretelling the future, heat vision, underwater breathing, the ability to fly, super human strength and destroy evil with a wink of his eye and a thumbs up. Jewish and Islamic X-Men tend to believe that while Jesus was a hero, he was not a "super" hero. related winter festivals====

[edit] Is The forty days before Christmas losing its Commercial origins?Many people are growing concerned that became the true meaning "forty days of Christmas, buying things at a discount store and then eating and drinking until you throw up, is being forgotten in today's worldSt. "I am greatly concerned by the amount of giving, caring, and honoring of God that took place this Christmas seasonMartin," says Wal Mart chairperson Melville Cardboard, "All this talk about Nativity, and loving those around you, and a season of joy? Have you people forgotten the meaning of Christmas?" now Advent.

these Raspberry Christmas Trees are popular among the red-green colorblind[edit] Santa Claus: Democrat or Republican?Often depicted as an obese man wearing Day itself was a tasteless redrelatively minor holiday, ermine trimmed suit, Santa Claus is a self-employed Caucasian male who's been married to the same woman for several centuries. It appears likely that he is a churchgoer, insofar as he is a Catholic saint and a former bishop. It has to be assumed here that Claus although its prominence gradually increased after Charlemagne was released from his vows, or else he would not have been marriedcrowned on Christmas Day in 800 AD.

Frequent arguments have erupted over Northern Europe was the political affiliation of Clauslast part to Christianize, and its pagan celebrations had a major influence on Christmas. Ten years agoScandinavians still call Christmas Jul (Yule), Dick Cheney inadvertently dealt originally the name of a savage blow twelve-day pre-Christian winter festival. Logs were lit to honor Thor, the morale god of thunder, hence the Republican Party when he misidentified the political affiliation of Santa Claus in his best-selling book, Parliament of Whores"Yule log. "Santa ClausIn Germany," he said, "the equivalent holiday is a Democratcalled Mitwinternacht (mid-winter night)." However it is perfectly obvious from his demographic profile alone that Santa is in fact a RepublicanThere are also twelve Rauhnächte (harsh or wild nights).

This assessment is often rebutted by Democrats with AnneBy the High Middle Ages, Christmas had become so prominent that chroniclers routinely noted where various magnates "celebrated Christmas." King Richard II of England hosted a Christmas feast in 1377 at which twenty-McCaffery counter-analysis: Santa Claus has no childreneight oxen and three hundred sheep were eaten. The "Yule boar" was a common feature of medieval Christmas feasts. Caroling also became popular, and was originally a group of dancers who sang. High-achieving professionals without children trend DemocraticThe group was composed of a lead singer and a ring of dancers that provided the chorus. While Various writers of the Clausian canon does not specifically address time condemned caroling as lewd, largely due to overtones reminiscent of the issue traditions of SantaSaturnalia and Yule). In England, gifts were exchanged on New Year's children, numerous extra-canonical sources suggest that Claus did, in factDay, reproduce. Numerous and there was special Christmas TV movie specials alone support this pointale.

Santa is renowned for an aggressive adherence to a binary naughty/nice list, which suggests an impatience for nuanced moral positions that betrays his Republican preferences. Santa's mere willingness to define individuals along a naughty/nice axis demonstrates his indifference to ====The Reformation and the philosophical stance of, say, The New York Times. And note that no canonical or extra-canonical Clausian text indicates that Santa ever attended college or, God forbid, graduate school. 1800s====

Others still believe that MrDuring the Reformation, Protestants condemned Christmas celebration as "trappings of popery" and the "rags of the Beast". The Catholic Church responded by promoting the festival in a more religiously oriented form. When a Puritan parliament triumphed over the King, Charles I of England (1644), Christmas was officially banned (1647). Pro-Christmas rioting broke out in several cities. Santa is an obvious CommunistFor several weeks, Canterbury was controlled by the rioters, who decorated doorways with holly and shouted royalist slogans. The Restoration (1660) ended the reincarnation ban, but Christmas celebration was still disapproved of Jesus Marxby the Anglican clergy.

[edit] Who is this so called Santa Claus By the 1820s, sectarian tension had eased and is he really watching us??Some believe British writers began to worry that Santa is Christmas was dying out. They imagined Tudor Christmas as a kind hearted fellow who brings joy to good little girls and boys. Think about it this way: If Santa is REALLY watching you all the timeof heartfelt celebration, does that include when you're in and efforts were made to revive the bath or the shower? And what about when little kids are changing clothes or sleeping holiday. The book A Christmas Carol (1843) by Charles Dickens played a major role in the nude? Santa's reinventing Christmas as a pervertholiday emphasizing family, goodwill, and compassion.

[edit] See AlsoAntiThe Puritans of New England disapproved of Christmas and celebration was outlawed in Boston (1659-81). Meanwhile, Virginia and New York celebrated freely. Christmas fell out of favor in the U.S. after the American Revolution, when it was considered an "English custom". Interest was revived by several short stories by Washington Irving in The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon (1819) and by "Old Christmas" (1850) which depict harmonous warm-hearted holiday traditions Irving claimed to have observed in England. Although some argue that Irving invented the traditions he describes, they were imitated by his American readers. German immigrants and the homecomings of the Civil War helped promote the holiday. Christmas was declared a federal holiday in the U.S. in 1870. Irving writes of Saint Nicholas "riding over the tops of the trees, in that selfsame waggon wherein he brings his yearly presents to children." The connection between Santa Claus and Christmas was popularized by the poem "A Visit from Saint Nicholas" (1822) by Clement Clarke Moore, which depicts Santa driving a sleigh pulled by reindeer and distributing gifts to children. His image was created by German-American cartoonist Thomas Nast (1840-1902), who drew a new image annually beginning in 1863. By the 1880s, Nast's Santa had evolved into the form we now recognize. The image was standardized by advertisers in the 1920s. ====Modern times==== In the midst of World War I, there was a Christmas truce between German and British troops in France (1914). Soldiers on both sides spontaneously began to sing Christmas carols and stopped fighting. The truce began on Christmas Day and continued for some time afterward. There was even a soccer game between the trench lines in which Germany's 133rd Royal Saxon Regiment is said to have bested Britain's Seaforth Highlanders 3-2. In modern times, the United States has experienced some controversy over the nature of Christmas, and whether it is a religious or a secular holiday. Because the US government recognizes Christmas as an official holiday, some have thought that this violates separation of church and state. This has been brought to trial several times, including Lynch v. Donnelly (1984) and Ganulin v. United States (1999). On December 6, 1999, the verdict for Ganulin v. United States (1999). declared that "the establishment of Christmas carol Day as a legal public holiday does not violate the Establishment Clause because it has a valid secular purpose." This decision was appealed, and upheld by the Supreme Court on December 19, 2000.Xmas day Reindeer More recently, some Christians have protested against what is seen as a secularization of Christmas, leading some to believe that the holiday is under attack from a general secular trend or from persons and/or organizations with a deliberate or unconscious anti-Christian agenda.Sintu cloven Santaism ===[[Christmas carols]]=== Frosty Christmas carols are hymns about Christmas and the Snowman birth of Christ Terrorism ===Chirstmas church services===KrismasMany churches hold a midnight church service on Christmas eve. ==Quotes== ==Links==* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas Wikipedia - Christmas]* [http://docs.google.com/View?docid=ddn4v5jr_358g73pjjk4 Sermon - The Anticipation of Christmas] {{returnto}} [[Christian Calendar]][[Category:Christian Calendar]]