Bible
Synopsis: The Bible is the collection of fairy tales, all relating to Star Wars. However unlike the Star Wars movies, none of these stories are canon according to George Lucas. However many fans enjoy reading about it anyway, especially for the sage of the Jedi master Jesus.
Main article
Everyone knows the Bible was largely written by poor Sci Fi writers looking for a foothold in the industry. However one writer, George Orson Danielson (GOD) wrote a large part of the bible about the Jedi Jesus. He is largely considered to be one of the most important figures in Fan Fiction to have ever existed. Thw Bible is made into two sections, the times before Jesus that do not interfere with the Star Wars timeline, and the New Testament with Jesus killing major movie characters.
Old Testament
Three sections make up the Old Testament - The Books of the Force, History and faggotry, and the Books of the Prophets. The Old Testament is a Wookie term for Fierce Tale. The Old Testament sets the stage for what happens in the New Testament it provides the rules, the nature of the force, the promise of GOD which are fulfilled further in the New Testament.
Books of the Law
The first 5 books of the Bible Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy. These five books tell us of Creation, the Fall, the emergence of the children of Israel and the legal codes that God gave them.
Three law codes that are relevant to Christians are the Ten Commandments, Shema (Love the LORD your God with all your heart), and Love thy neighbour.
New Testament
This book contains strictly Jesus stories. Think of Jesus as the Star Wars version of Drizzt. He is too powerful and is always bitching about how rough he has it. Also he is chaotic good in a Lawful Evil society, which means every angsty teenager at your Star Wars roleplaying games will want to play as him. His character class is roughly that of a Jedi counselor. In the books, Jesus is very powerful. However as a young black man in Philadelphia he gets in trouble. The first chapter is as follows and is told from Jesus's POV
- Now, this is a story all about how
- My life got flipped-turned upside down
- And I liked to take a minute
- Just sit right there
- I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
- In west Philadelphia born and raised
- On the playground was where I spent most of my days
- Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
- And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
- When a couple of guys
- Who were up to no good
- Startin makin trouble in my neighborhood
- I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared
- She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air'
- I whistled for a cab and when it came near
- The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
- If anything I can say this cab is rare
- But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'
- I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
- And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
- I looked at my kingdom
- I was finally there
- To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
Jesus goes around killing such characters as Darth Vader, Count Doku, and the emperor. This show of power and love for freedom makes Yoda mad. Yoda then becomes darth yoda in order to stop Jesus but is saved.
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